I did go on the date with the man from Miami on January 1. He drove up to see me.
On January 2, I met another man who had been trying to get my attention for as long as The Virgo, which is to say for about 9 or 10 months.
We had instant chemistry and I saw him twice and then we were done.
The next Saturday I went to the tarot meetup and met a tarot grandmaster. About 19 women and one man were in the room in a big circle. I ran straight into the man on my way in to pay, and he came in and sat next to me.
The tarot grandmaster had each of us choose a miniature tarot card from a purple bag, and I got the King of Swords.
I sighed when I saw it, and said out loud to myself with no small amount of frustration,”Which one is this?” which made the man next to me laugh.
The Virgo has disappeared once again for who knows what reason, my ex brought the boys back and unexpectedly decided to stay with us for the week, and I had just had two more men come and go in a week, so I was kind of Up To Here with the men.
When it became my turn to ask my question, I held up my card and said, I just want to know which one is this? I said I was recently divorced and had a lot of men around me in my life, in all roles such as family and friends as well as the dates.
She said,”So you are asking about your love life?” and I said,”Sure. I want to know what it is I am not seeing about the men around me.”
She had her deck and would draw about four or five cards, look at them, and reshuffle as we were talking. Then at the next juncture she would pull four or five more cards, as if they were telling her a story of unfolding.
She gave me a really tough look and said the marriage – I am so glad you are out of that! I told the room I had done it for twenty years and everyone had a sharp intake of breath. In a room of intuitives and astrologers and empaths and bodyworkers, they could tell everything about the marriage from the look on her face. She said you are recovered and well out of it, and you are getting along now, and I agreed.
She said that with the men, part of me is completely enthusiastic and right out there with the willingness to have the experience, and the other part of me still is in protection mode, and she crossed her arms in front of her.
I said yes that made sense, based upon the marriage.
She pulled some more cards and asked if I knew a man with the qualities of the King of Swords. She asked who that card made me think of when I pulled it. Who do you know, she asked, who is extremely communicative? The King of Swords is the strongest male energy in the deck.
She then said there was one man who I favored far, far above any of the others, and I knew she was seeing The Virgo.
She gave me another look, a different one. I said he has never been strictly available, the entire time I have known him, because he had a girlfriend from long before we met.
She said but he is single, and he reads like he is single.
I said yes, but he acts more married than most married men I know, and every time I have seen him, which hasn’t been for a long while now, he is full of anxiety and guilt.
She said,”Honey, my advice to you is when he does get free and comes around to you, you should say no. You need a man with bigger balls than you have. You need the King of Swords. This man is not it.”
She then told me that I should carry my mini King of Swords with me at all times. “Carry him in your pocket. Put him in your bra.” The whole room laughed at this.
“He is a reminder to hold out for the strong man you need, keep looking for him, and don’t settle.”
It reminded me of when my friend Lisa told me over a year ago,”When it comes to men, your guides say, DON”T SETTLE.”
It reminded me that when The Virgo’s soul came to see me, and in all of the communication I have had about him with my spirit guide team and his, the main message was that I was here in his life to help bring him into his power.
If you saw how powerful his soul is, you might understand why I sometimes see the man on the ground as powerful. But right now, he isn’t.
It cracks me up to think of myself as the one with the balls, but I suppose if there was ever a woman who could help a man locate his, I am it.
I have always kept the door open to The Virgo, because the message has always been to be kind, to not shut him down like I would have shut down anyone else, to keep my claws retracted.
I can’t do that anymore, because in this last year I have grown a lot. I’ve had to swallow a lot. I’ve been rejected and I have rejected a lot.
It feels like leaking energy to hold the door open so I slam it shut and keep my energy to myself.
The tarot grandmaster smiled and said,”Let’s see if there is anyone in your field right now who could be your King of Swords.”
She and I said “no” at the same time.
She smiled again and said, “Let’s see when he is coming in and around you.” She said it like she expected to tell me it would be in a few weeks or a few months.
“It’s going to be two or three more years.”