Chills are coming quickly and almost expectedly these days.
I had a Reiki I attunement on Sunday – well, half of it, which was plenty! – and that changed nearly everything.
I will tell you about it soon, but in the meantime, let me tell you a story.
When I thought this one over, it made me pause to think about the Energetic Agreements we make, and how we must avoid allowing them to tie us down and hold us back.
Yet, we have a commitment to the work. So how do we balance these relationships as they ebb and flow and ebb once again?
We hope that they come to fruition and fulfillment.
In the meantime, we try to find a way not to be sucked into the vortex of the promise.
If I told you he disappeared for weeks, and reappeared one day, and it didn’t bother me one way or the other, would you believe me?
Maybe you had to be here to know how charged it was between us. How he resisted with everything he had, ran and hid, and acted like a big baby most of the time.
He is not married but he is not strictly available, either. He acts more married than all of the married men I know, grouped together.
He has a girlfriend, and she knows she doesn’t have a hold of him and so she chokes him into submission.
If you are afraid, I said, sometimes it is easier to hide behind a woman. Energetically I see it like she has him with a dog collar around his neck – the choker chain type – and every day at 5pm she yanks on it, hard, and as the points dig into his neck, he sits.
If his girl knew about his other women, I guarantee you she would not be surprised deep down, and I am sure she would not be happy. If you know you have a dog, you leash it.
I honestly don’t know, from his point of view, if I would be remotely as interesting if he were truly available.
He always says,”If I were single…” The fact is, he is completely single. Not married. There are no children between them.
They both have children from other relationships, and they are together all of the time, and seem to function like a family, but they do not live together and he has not married her.
Every time he comes to see me it is like pulling teeth to get him there, and he tells me how he feels guilt, and he never comes through on all of the things he says he wants to do. So why does he come?
Energetic Agreements To Do Contracted Soul Work
Marriage is a contract. We also have soul contracts. They have one. We have one.
My theory is this – in recent years, no one comes into my life and stays around for a while unless they are supposed to, by some sort of divine design or pre-planning, which I just refer to as a soul contract for ease of communication. I don’t really know what it is. Call it an Energetic Agreement.
No one comes into my life and stays unless they stay inside the boundary of “everyone in my life loves, honors and respects me.”
But boy do some of them come into my life kicking and screaming. They come and they go, and very often, they come back…sometimes more than once.
It is because I see the work we are to do together WAY before they do, consciously anyway. And who likes doing their work? It is often shadow work.
The trouble with me is that I will frequently see you at soul level, fully “in your power” but sometimes the human is not nearly there yet, and may never be.
That’s why I spend a lot of time rolling my eyes heavenward.
I was doing it on the day the Virgo came back, along with a good degree of cursing to myself and some decent amount of neutrality toward the situation, plus resistance.
I had cut him ot of my life – energetically speaking – once again. My instincts said he might not come back for many moons, so it was best if I just reclaimed my energy.
I have a tendency not to keep my energy to myself, and that has been one of my biggest lessons.
Interestingly, in Reiki the lesson is that you do NOT use your own energy to do the work. You are a conduit only. The instructor looked directly at me when she taught us this, saying that intuitives and psychics need this lesson.
Boy do we ever.
Create and hold your boundaries like you are holding the castle from the invaders.
Do not leave it with others.
Do not become like an orbiting satellite, leaving your own energy and flying around theirs, checking the scene, feeling it all out.
It was time to really learn how to keep the energetic door open, so he could feel that, send him love, and be on my way.
It’s like walking between two worlds. You can leave the door open to someone’s return when they are ready, but slam it shut at the same time so you can live your life fully.
Be In This World But Not Of It
And so he asked me,”Am I bad if I say yes?”
At this point I was smacking my head with my hand.
“There is soul work to be done here, brother!” I wanted to shout at him.
Instead I told him that one day he was going to have to take me to lunch so we could have a neutral discussion on the subject of “good and bad”, which is honestly no longer in my vernacular.
I don’t know if his current relationship could stand up to the full force and effect of him doing his soul work with me. It may or may not, but that is not the point from my perspective.
The point is that he should have a way in to opening up his heart, coming into his power, and seeing himself for what he really is – a very powerful soul, not a weak and wimpy man.
His relationships will adjust, I said. If she cannot rise to meet him at that energetic level, he will find someone who can, I assume.
I wish he would get on with it already, because he is holding me up! That’s why I had to shut the door – I need to get on with my life, and knowing him was slowing me down. Not his fault.
Naturally the moment I did that, he came back the very next day, like the cat!
Remember this, from childhood? They tried everything to kill the cat, sending it away on a boat, dropping an atom bomb on it!
But the cat came back the very next day,
The cat came back, we thought he was a goner
But the cat came back; it just couldn’t stay away.
Trust me when I tell you that there is nothing about me in particular that should entice him. Though our children are the same age, I am ten years older than him.
I have the same situation, I said. It is the energy. It is the energetic agreement. My friend once described it as “he felt something pulling him toward you.”
Don’t they all. Then they run away from it, as fast as they can, let me tell you!
Some people are easy to read, and we can fall into a very natural communication that is hard to resist. It is powerful and energized.
We find them so charming, and they are really working it to bring us into relationship – but then they falter and do not follow through.
This is not the same as someone who leads you on for the purpose of playing cat and mouse with you. This is someone who, on one level, really wants to be able to follow through with all of the things that they say they want to have with you.
And so you watch them come to you, distance themseleves, and come back, time and again. If you asked them why they do that, what is it about you that is so compelling, they probably would say that they really didn’t know.
But you know.
And so you hold the energetic space for them to figure it out. One day they will get brave enough and come to you – probably. Then you both, in relationship to one another, get to experience the love and the lessons that only a soul mate can bring to you. It is powerful and like nothing else.
Ironically, as I heard this story echo my own life experience, I know someone else who is just the opposite.
He wants to be together but no matter what we do, our schedules never match.
I finally found a babysitter in the neighborhood, after many years of trying, and she seems reliable and flexible, so perhaps that will open things up – or perhaps not.
When all roads are blocked, there is no need to second guess. But we can take practical steps to change that, and just see what happens. Maybe it is not time yet, maybe a door has to open. Or maybe their ultimate RSVP is no.
My friend and I agreed that one day we are looking forward to a relationship where we can be interdependent.
In that relationship, though there is plenty to keep the partners coming together, it is not supercharged in an unsustainable way, and both stay because we want to keep coming home, not because someone has us collared or feeling guilty and we permit that kind of trespassing on our sovereignty because we think it keeps us safe.