Flog To Death Or Accept – Existing In Uncertainty

It seems to be a universal theme right now to be able to co-exist with your anxieties and be okay with not seeing the road ahead clearly.  We are being fairly attacked with changes, but it’s just to get over the required hurdles before we can make our next big leap forward.

Some of these changes have us looking up to heaven saying,”You’re kidding, right?!”

Flog To Death Or Accept was the apt title of one of my Short Report Forecasts on Astro (which you should go to immediately if you’re at all interested in astrology!) after my husband moved to another country for work.

One of my intuitive friends faced a “move or ye shall be moved” crisis so like mine that it was humorous.  The universe even sent her back to her day job on the exact same date as I went back to my day job last year.  Talk about synchronicity!

Even though my gut said,”Yes!  You must go!” the moment my husband told me about the job offer, in the back of my mind things were whirring away going,”Oh crap, oh no, WHAT DID YOU DO??” in all the weeks leading up to his departure.

I was in anticipatory fear that I couldn’t cope.  What would the house feel like without him?  Who would I talk to?  Who would fix everything when it breaks?  Who would pick up the kids in time if I got a flat tire or had to stay late at work?

I suppose walking a spiritual path has more side benefits than you might anticipate because somewhere along the way I moved from making decisions with my intellect (thinking) to making decisions from my heart (feeling).

I said yes immediately to his move, going from pure gut instinct without thinking it over.  I used to think things over from all angles, discuss it to death with anyone who would listen, make a pro and con list, and get back to you in two weeks.

This experience showed me that I’ve been making snap decisions from pure intuition.

The first week, the universe had us go through failure after failure with trying to communicate.  We tried Skype and Google Hangouts and cell phones.

He could see me but not hear me, and I could hear him but not see him.

We would have phone calls every three days that lasted two minutes because the cost was $5/minute.

I had no idea where he was, what he was going through, how things were going, nothing.

I got so frustrated that I had a complete meltdown one day, convinced that this was it – it was never going to work, I’d sent him away and that was the last I was going to connect with him for months other than email.

It was Mercury Retrograde where tech failures can happen if you aren’t in alignment.  I was aligning my butt off, each day all day, adjusting to this new way of life with challenges at every turn.  I thought I was doing my part, but nothing was gelling.  I sat down at my porch table, threw down the phone, cried my eyes out, and had a word with Mercury.

Not literally, you understand, right?

That very afternoon I was in the changing room at the pool, half in and half out of my bathing suit, when the phone rang with a local number I didn’t recognize.  I almost didn’t answer it, since the kids were in the community pool waiting for me, but it turned out to be my husband, FINALLY, on a crystal clear line.  God bless Vonage.

It took a week, but we had finally connected, and got to talk for an entire half hour.

He wasn’t worried.  He knew we would eventually get everything straightened out.  I, on the other hand, turned myself into a complete wreck.

Just another chance to see a few things clearly.  You can know (in your mind) all of the right things to do and still not have enough practice feeling into them.

The lesson was to be able to stare into the unknown and allow it to be okay to simply exist in uncertainty.

Our minds so want to know the answer, right now!

It is never knowable, we just anticipate that everything will go rolling right along, but we’re often surprised anyway, right?

In a turning point, major change, or non-emergency crisis moment, allow yourself to feel those churning feelings and rather than catastrophize, just allow it to be felt and watch what makes it settle down.

Listen to the sub-messages.  In my case it was,”Find the joy.”

We get chances to grow into our potential, and usually it doesn’t get heaped on us all at once, but through a series of events that allow us to grow a little stronger each time.

If there’s something in your psyche that has to get out of the way so you can grow into your destiny later, the universe will clear it out in stages.

Mine was a simple terror that something horrible would go wrong (like in the house or with the car) and I would be powerless to take charge of and handle the emergency.  I’m not going to explain my quirky house, but trust me when I tell you we have had PLENTY of those challenges and my husband is the one who solves them.  I feel like I should mention the word co-dependent in here somewhere as well.

But yours could be anything.  My fear might sound ridiculous to some of you, but that doesn’t matter, you have your own fear and whatever it is, face it, you must.  It might not be today or next year, but whenever you are scheduled to take a giant leap forward, the universe will sit you down and say,”Here is your fear on a plate.  You can’t move forward until you exorcize this demon. Go at it.”

First my laptop fan was making a funny noise.  I diagnosed (and cleaned it).

Then my husband’s hydroponics experiment had a plumbing clog.  I got him on a video conference, showed him the problem, and he walked me through it step by step.

This is only Week Two, but if the lesson hasn’t been learned enough that yes I can handle it, whatever it is, then there will be more, until I really believe it.

You can always breathe and bring your focus back to the present moment.  One hundred times if necessary.

Colette Baron-Reid wrote today:

Letting go the old is important to make space for the new. Even old behaviors you think define your personality need to be released in order for a new manifestation to arise. We grieve our old selves as a sacred act of clearing. It’s ok to be sad, to not know, to recognize that for a time we grope in the dark. Yet, the light shines soon enough and miracles have room to blossom. Amazing.