Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio and The End of Relationships

Some of you may be experiencing this Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio as the ending or reconfiguration of one or more major relationships.

With all of the watery retrogrades this year – Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio – there has been an underlying emotional theme.  You may not have consciously realized it, but a whole lot of interior work has been going on.

Themes have been truth, locating your interior strength, feeling into your emotions, your ability to relate to others, and the popping up into consciousness of the archetypes that are present for you and in some cases run your life.

Under this Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio it’s a time when some soul contracts are over and will be released whether you like it or not.  That means people, relationships.

You may have reached the end of your term with one of your archetypes as it played out in a relationship.  If you’ve outgrown being a blood donor to their vampire, the rescuer  to their damsel in distress, or have grown beyond being a victim, decided you no longer have a need to be scapegoated…then get ready, because this cycle is going to boot the nasties at the other end of that dynamic right out of your life.

The theme of this retrograde is JUDGMENT.

If you aren’t a big fan of seeing the truth then this may be particularly difficult.

If you don’t sink in to your emotions – or if you like to deny them when they are ugly ones – then it will be time to face the piper.  They are showing up!

People may show you their denial, paranoia, judgment, and self-righteousness in a huge way.  That’s what happened to me this past weekend and shocked me to the core.

Your best bet is to feel things come up and allow them to sit with you, no matter how uncomfortable, and to just get curious.  Why are you here, denial (or your friends paranoia, judgment, and righteousness)?  What are you here to show or teach me?  Be careful not to deny them (don’t deny the denial!) – let them have their say.

Do you have a history of having a hard time setting boundaries?  Do you feel that there is a long trend of pain associated with people controlling you, or attempting to, and you fight against that?  Or do you exercise exacting control over yourself out of fear?

The transformation in this retrograde is through looking at your fears about what’s true, seeing the judgment you serve yourself with, and recognizing the judgment others serve up to you.

It Ended With A Slap

I was extensively verbally assaulted and slapped in the face by a family member on Saturday.

Under the lunar eclipse and Aires full moon of last Friday, and a lot of other influences, it was said that all relationships that must end will, whether you like it or not, and it’s best to accept that gracefully.

Sometimes, when you are ready and the contract is over, the Universe helps it along in a most unexpected blaze of glory, memorable forever to the two little squirts aged 5 and 9 who witnessed this tirade.

The hypocrisy, the judgment, and the sheer level of volume – plus the physical attack, which was accomplished once and attempted twice – were shocking.  It was like a badger suddenly fell from the sky, through the roof, and into the living room, completely unexpected, unannounced, and unprovoked.

The fact is, I am me (just as, I hope, you are you) and the other person did not like it for one minute of the nearly two decades we have known each other.

The more I set boundaries, the more it enraged, until it came out in one cataclysmic outburst.

Lo, “Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged” Is No Joke

Stick with me for one moment for a bible verse, because it’s important.

Consider, as you read it, how you feel about judgment, both given and received.

In Matthew (apparently, I had to look it up) it is written:

Judge not, that ye be not judged,

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly…

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

The Keys That Might Tell You When A Soul Contract is Over

Some relationships will be renegotiated now.  Others are final.

One key in knowing when “an argument is just an argument” as opposed to “The End” is observing what stuff is getting thrown in your face.  Is it your stuff?  Or is it their stuff?

In this case, initially I was trying to figure out how I could be accused of being opposite things at the same time?  Could I be a slob and a perfectionist at the same time?  No, because that’s impossible.

That let me know right off the bat that the other person’s stuff was coming out and was being thrown up on me to see if it would stick.  It couldn’t.  It was illogical. Everything that was being yelled at me was the other person announcing what they think of themselves.

Another key: the person acts completely out of character (or facade). 

They break character and completely lose control.  It kind of looks like the devil or their evil twin just entered the room and is speaking through them.  This is their Truth coming out.  Everything that came before was what they chose to show you, like they were an actor in a play.  What they are showing you now is what they really were thinking the whole time.

When this happens it is a major signal that your soul contract is over – this is their way (or the universe’s) of ending it, of getting you out.

Final key: They cannot seem to stop themselves. 

You can warn them, but they cannot hear you.  Their words and actions are completely definitive, relationship-ending, no-going-back-on-this.  This is not the same thing as a renegotiation.  In a renegotiation, someone might express to you – or you to them – that you need to change the dynamics or there is a new “deal breaker.”  What came before is now no longer okay with them.  They are asking if you’ll be a party to the new dynamics, and you can say accept or refuse.

What’s Wrong With You?  Where Do You Stand On Judgment?

Here’s how I look at it: there is plenty (plenty!) wrong with me, but I don’t think of it as “wrong”…more like “areas where it has been brought to my attention that I would be potentially happier if I decided to start working on them…food for thought.”

If I won’t judge me, I certainly won’t judge your actions, because who the hell am I to know why you do what you do?  I have no idea and it’s none of my business. This is a RULE I employ, and when I break it I know it.  It gets brought to my attention.

When Are Relationships Ripe For Ending?

You don’t always need someone else to tell you when things are “just right” for an ending.  Sometimes you just feel it inside and call the whole thing good.

You can feel it when someone is telling you something that’s true about you versus when it’s all a lie.  The universe might pick out the tune, because if much of what gets said has absolutely nothing to do with you, you will eventually pick up on that.

If you’re in shame, or if a truth gets thrown out to you, you will feel it somewhere in your body (like a flush on your face or a gut churn).

If you’re okay with everything that’s being said, then you’re being judged but it passed your Acceptability Detector –“Yup, I know that’s true about me and I think it’s fine/love that about me/have my reasons.”  Then it’s just the other person’s opinion.  Maybe it’s one you don’t hold.

What have you been longing for or asking for lately?

If you ask for “better in-person relationships and closer family ties with good people,” the rotten ones will out themselves and go right out of your life.

If you’re married, you might think,”All I asked for was more friends, I didn’t ask for a divorce!” But, you did.  You said,”I want the goodness in people to show up for me,” so the universe said,”This person = only good people,” so de facto some old ones are outta there.  When you’re ready.  When your work together is done.

Set Your Boundaries – You’re Going To Need Them

If you have a hard time with setting boundaries, start small and build yourself up.  You will get tested time and time again until you are a master at it. Know that when someone engages you, it’s not always good advice to just “choose not to engage.”  Sometimes it is.  But, if this is a repeat offender in your life, just let yourself feel into it and each time, step a little bit more out of your comfort and draw a small line in the sand.  The line will grow the next time, and be a bit bigger the next time.  Eventually you can just stand there in your power and nothing can touch you.

Many of you have been tested in this area.  Former boundary-less souls, we met the soul suckers and vampires didn’t we?  Empathy does NOT help here!  If you haven’t noticed, you’ve been getting lots of practice in boundary setting, and now, during this Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio, it is your time to shine.  You may not know it yet, but many of you have cured yourselves.  You only know it when you’re tested.  You are now a master.

As an adjunct, let me point out that as you work on the inner, as you examine the shadow, and as you begin to work on and ask for what you really want, it starts showing up.  In a big way.  That might surprise you if you didn’t stop to think of how it might show up for you!

Things are showing up in new ways, and fast.  Sometimes instantaneously.   Be ready.