Yesterday I grabbed my Starbucks in my usual store and went next door to Publix. I was trying to balance the coffee that I desperately did not want to spill and awkwardly driving the shopping cart.
An older tall black man was loading things into the refrigerated case. He looked up and me and zoned right in. He boomed a question at me, asking how I was.
I said I was hanging in there, sir.
He said if I kept on going like I was going, I was going to be all right.
I laughed and thanked him and wished him a happy new year, and knew I had just had a special visit from a real angel.
Years Gone By – Or Decades…Possibly A Lifetime
One year I had the hubris to declare that I was ready to leave one bad year behind and said “I am ready” to the New Year.
I was so not ready. So not.
2014 was simply awful in a way I never want to think of again. It was followed by a downright shocking 2015, a long and exhausting 2016 and here we sit at the doorstep of 2017.
We can all look back on tough times and say “I have learned.” We can also look back further into time and, depending upon the topic, find it hard to come up with a smile when we start to think in terms of decades.
The last week was like walking a long corridor, with doors shutting closed behind me, most of them slamming shut after a revelation. All of my friends were away visiting their families and my children were in Antigua with their father.
It was just me and my two dogs and cats and a lot of cancelled dates. Sometimes they texted to cancel, sometimes they said nothing. All except one, which I will get to later.
I had year-end at my day job, so there was a ton of work.
At night, I had no sleep. I’d wake up at 1 am, often for the day. I logged so many steps that my phone started to bleat “you have set a new step record!” every day. Yet somehow no weight was lost.
I just walked and walked and processed things through my system until exhaustion hit, and I could either go back to sleep or back to work.
I haven’t written, mainly because the spiritual work was so intense, with so many lessons learned and puzzle pieces put into place, that frankly I integrated them deep into my system but there weren’t that many that I actually “remembered” enough to explain to you. They went inside and they didn’t come out.
When things like this happen, with this level of intensity, I suppose we are clearing the path for the new.
Goodbye Task Master 2016, What It Brought, Taught Or Took From Me
What really happened in 2016?
Chani Nicholas has an amazing astrology program going on right now, 2017 The Astrology of The Year Ahead and Intention Setting For Your Sign…which naturally I bought for a mere $33 and it covers every sign, so it helps me in my work for you, also. I suggest you get it as a powerful way to end last year and get your coordinates around what is coming up for you.
One of the many thought-provoking questions that came up for my Libra Rising was:
What did 2016 bring, teach, or take from you?
In June my husband of twenty years and I divorced. He remarried his pregnant girlfriend six weeks afterward. There was the aftermath of negotiating finances, living arrangements, visits to the children, and their holiday schedules.
He picks up the phone if I call needing help with something. Once in a blue moon he will call saying he has a minute, and meaning that quite literally. We had a very nice Christmas Day together with the kids and my Dad before he took them to his home overseas, and frankly I could not differentiate it from any previous Christmas Day. It was nice. He stays with me. We get along. Sometimes he fixes things. He puts things together for the boys.
Three days after his remarriage over the summer, I had a chance at really regenerating and starting fresh with a man who I cannot describe as anything but the most compelling, energizing, charming energetic equal I have ever met in this lifetime. Instead of us getting together as planned, he cut off all contact for over a week, completely out of anxiety and fear. When he came back he saw me that day and I have not seen him since for the same reasons which have not gone away.
I have never, ever had such a lightning-like, electric, mental connection with anyone, ever, and we sometimes still text all day, every day, for weeks at a time.
I’d like to say that he came into my life through a soul contract that I knew the terms of, but all I can say is we have one. He brought laughter and joy back into my life and was like a mentor and coach during my separation and divorce.
Somewhere along the line, people started commenting on how my laugh itself had changed, and how truly happy I sounded. This man is what opened me up enough to have that spontaneously happen.
Those Who Came and Went – What Is In Our Soul Contracts?
There are certain members of our tribe who are going to be like rocks for us during tough times, but then there are those who feel like they are some form of soul friend or soul partner but it doesn’t quite take.
I met up again with the first man I went on a date with last year. I am not sure what got us back together or if I will ever see him again, but he feels like a family member somehow and again I wonder what is in our soul contract?
It’s easy to know that we have a soul contract with someone because our system says we do. But what are the terms of that contract? If there is one thing I really want to do, it is to learn to be more of technician who can read soul contracts better. I want to go deeper so I can see the layers that bring out the truths that will help move us forward. That is part of what I want to do in the deepening of my intuitive work.
My Starbucks friend left me cold one day around Thanksgiving and I didn’t hear from him until it was time to say Merry Christmas to me and the boys. I see him all of the time when he is working and I cannot say what I see in his eyes except the ever-present pain.
What I can tell you is that one day he told me that every time he tried to make plans to see me, even just as friends, Life would throw him a Curveball. Not just a little one, a big one.
Maybe this was the reason, perhaps the last time we had plans, Murphy visited him again in a big way. I guess I will never know because I am not going to ask him.
He always was scared of my intuition and in fact stopped talking to me once with the apology that he was sorry but it made him feel “less than.” This time I wondered if he and I were somehow being protected from starting something together, or if he was just looking at the reality and decided I was some kind of a witch…these things some times happen.
Themes and Learning
I had a one-on-one session with Robert Ohotto in May and I started learning Reiki this year. I got through Reiki I and II so I can send distance Reiki now, and just need more volunteers to practice on.
Robert told me that I should keep dating, and that I should pay really close attention to “which part of you showed up on that date.” He said the dating and the learning about soul contract work would come in tandem. working together to inform me of things I need to know.
I had to laugh. I dropped my ex and kids at the airport and my plans for a breakfast date with someone who lives in the Miami area (which is far from me) got cancelled because he was sick. I had a bunch of dates lined up for when my kids would be gone, because it is so hard to date when I have them 100% of the time, and so far have only gone on one.
Which part of me showed up on my date? The intuitive counselor.
I couldn’t help it! He hit me with problems right after he handed me a drink. And then there were the problems that I saw even though he didn’t mention them.
So much for the date.
I wonder sometimes if Spirit brings me men who need healing, or if I just inappropriately step in when I shouldn’t. It doesn’t always happen, because I stop it, but I always see it.
With the Reiki, I think it is a bridge between my mental, emotional and empathic Intuition, which is bang on, and that huge physical aspect that I just have not begun to integrate. The “get into your body” part.
There are times that are just going to be what I tell The Virgo are the dry desert.
Times when you aren’t ready or other people aren’t ready. Times when you ask for help, receive it, and then don’t take action on it.
Today I am going to one of two local MeetUps with like-minded women who do energy work, for a January 1 Healing Circle, and next week I am going to a similar event focused on Tarot. I’d asked my Reiki teacher how I could get hooked up and involved in Community, and she immediately gave me all kinds of suggestions but I hadn’t gone to any events until now. I need Community and I have something to give back as well…I started taking my boys to a monthly beach clean-up that we found out about by accident, and that also felt great to do.
As far as relationships go, I am learning to let them unfold at their leisure, take the new friendships and be glad of them, and remember always that “what’s for me won’t go past me”…and no matter how compelling it looks, when they do not work it is best to listen and be glad I was protected.
When I first found out I was getting a divorce, I really thought I would “never” connect again. The beauty of this experience has been how many amazing souls I have met, and would never have met had the divorce not happened.
Everything and everyone in divine timing.
As I am writing this, the Miami cancellation on Monday just asked me to meet him tonight.
Lest we forget, our souls made plans to meet long ago, and I’ll bet we were smart and knew what we were doing when we made those soul contracts and soul appointments. It has been my observation that while we often need to work for it and learn from it, the perfect people come into our lives right on time.