I went to Reiki I class and took the first half…and everything changed.
I always meant to take it but kept putting it off for “the right time.”
All of my intuitive friends told me that Reiki opened them up in amazing ways. Although I never intend to practice Reiki as a hands on healing practitioner, I knew it might open me up to spirit in new ways and move me on to my next step. It just felt like right timing.
I am still looking for that framework, that course, that structure that Robert Ohotto said I’d be studying by now.
I love school and studying. I didn’t want to know ahead of time what the Reiki I attunements might do for me, I just wanted to experience it cold, with zero knowledge and expectations.
I sat in the classroom of eight women and knew I could trust the instructor. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to open my energy up to the other students, especially when one started talking as if she spoke for Gaia…or Gaia spoke to her, and named her Spokeswoman For The Earth.
You know you have some interesting creatures in the room when I feel myself distancing as if I were back in MBA school. Let’s have at least a little Reality in the room.
In the first meditation to get us centered, I looked down at my feet and saw big man’s feet, in sandals like Birkenstocks.
Whose feet are these? I wondered this to myself casually, because in meditation you never know what weird things you are going to get, but you have to stay neutral and just observe, because if you pull back your energy in fear or rejection you will never know what you are meant to know.
Ultimately in the old “sit by the river on a rock” meditation, I saw a male part of me merging into what I think of as “me.” Sort of reclaiming a piece of myself. I am not sure I believe in “soul retrieval” but I have heard a lot lately from others about “reclaiming my power” and “taking back my power that I left centuries ago for myself to find again.” Can’t say it is true, can’t say if it is energetics, really can’t say anything except that I notice what people say in passing or with earnest and if it shows up again later, I just observe it.
What I can say about the male energy merging into me is that I “saw” it differently in my mind’s eye than I have ever “seen” before. It did not look like a movie. It felt like the scene was real, in the northeast on an autumn day, and suddenly my body and his body were viscous. I’ve never felt or seen viscous before in meditation.
In the first attunement of four, I had my eyes closed along with all of the other women, and the instructor came to me first. I felt heat emanating from her palms, which was interesting because people are always telling me I have “hot hands” but I have never felt someone else’s “hot hands” before.
An overwhelming emotion coursed through me. I don’t know what it was about or where it came from. It started right away and I was scared for a minute I might start bawling out of nowhere, for some completely unknown reason, but I didn’t.
Instead, tears started flowing out of my left eye…and only my left eye.
Everything I “saw” including my indian tribe and a red and white flag waving at their encampment was viscous. I have never seen through this “eye” before…it was like suddenly dreaming in a completely different way, but I was awake.
Suddenly my torso felt under pressure, as if it was expanding out…and out, and out…and I started to wonder in a casual way if I might pop like the Pillsbury Dough Boy under expansion, and perhaps explode all over the room. I wasn’t afraid exactly but I was not comfortable either, because I have never experienced a physical sensation like this before.
Suddenly, I felt a pop, or a release, and the pressure was gone.
The instructor worked on the other women, and moved on to the second attunement.
She put my hands in prayer position just under my neck, and periodically she would move them straight up to my forehead…and I was like that for 45 minutes. I felt like I could not hold them there anymore, but I kept on.
Afterward, the instructor closed the session and walked straight to me, leaned in close, and said gently,”You did a lot of work.”
As we walked out, one of the older women around my age started a conversation with me. I was still “coming down” as it was so intense and wherever I was, my energy body was not quite back with the rest of me. I said to her that my arms felt like they might shatter if I let them drop, and she asked me why. I told her about the prayer position and she said,”Oh. She only moved my hands for a moment and then put them back in my lap.”
Damn, y’all…I know at 49 I might be getting old and creaky but ugh! However, they seem to attune each person separately based on their own needs, so they can channel Reiki energy. I’d like to think I don’t need that much work! A friend who did Reiki years ago suggested to me that I came into the session at a higher vibration than the other women, and I am on a different path, and when you are going to do higher level work, well…you might need a lot of clearing and alignment with what that work is going to be.
Afterward I read about Reiki and sure enough, that first attunement puts the Reiki symbol into your heart chakra. Of course. No wonder my torso felt like it was going to pop.
I go back tomorrow to do the second half of the course…goodness knows what might happen then, but hopefully my arms will not officially fall off.
When Love Heals Rather Than Rescues
Before and after the Reiki session, lots and lots had been going on in my life.
So much, that I spent half a day yesterday walking the porch, listening to Robert Ohotto, doing some astrology studying, and just trying to feel back into my center and ground myself a little, processing everything.
One of my blogging friends had been trying to snap me out of the idea that I was “stuck” in my profession, my house, my old life with all of its perceived limitations.
It is time to move on, even if it is only across town for now, but the process has started.
I realized just how boxed in I felt with all of the restrictions and responsibilities, but I also acknowledged for the first time – as obvious as it may seem to you, it had not sunk in – that by leaving this home, my ex-husband would have no “home to come back to” and the fabric of our foursome would be dissolved as the old life would really be gone.
Nevermind that he has remarried with a baby on the way, I didn’t want him back as my husband…but apparently I had been holding on tight in some way to the “old dream” of Family for our children and I had to see that it was gone, and just different now.
I am not big on “stuff.” Hurricane Matthew was about to wipe everything away in 140 mph winds 36 hours ago, and I just packed up me, the kids, passports and insurance papers, and some school and work clothes, to make life easier when everything else was gone.
The only regrets I had were that I had to leave the dogs and cats at home, locked in for the storm, and I was really upset thinking they might get hurt and for the first time ever, I wasn’t there for them.
I had to assume their guardian angels were on the case – and as it turns out, they certainly were. God was watching out for us on that one – and the way the storm moved 13 miles to the east suddenly, and what winds hit the ground oddly had the very high winds “high up, not touching the ground” – well, form your own conclusions but maybe that lady in Reiki class really was talking to Gaia 😉
Sometimes you just have to have a Come To Jesus with yourself, or hear the right words from the right person at the right time, but suddenly I knew that all appearances of Reality, like money and work, to the contrary, sometimes you do just have to take a risk and free yourself and move along to the next step, knowing it is not the Final Step but just the Next Step, a process of moving you to where you want to be.
It’s hard to describe but the morning before the Reiki class and the morning of the hurricane, I started feeling my intuition in a really different way. It is like I really Feel Into It, and at the same time the mind takes a bit of a backseat (my mind usually runs the show)…and it feels much more calm and certain when the energies come on in.
It really must be true that intuition is “holographic.” I had no idea what Robert Ohotto meant when he told me about this in my individual session on it, but he hosted a Facebook session that I listened to on replay, since the hurricane was coming through at the time he did it, and he explained. It means looking at your intuition coming through in the many different ways it can, and putting the puzzle pieces together the form the whole. I have always done that, he is right, and it’s funny how he sort of “discovered” or was “suddenly able to explain and teach it from this perspective” just after I realized it for myself.
We really do all work in conjunction together, through spirit.
Funny enough, as I was putting my puzzle pieces of my independence and “getting unstuck from my mud” together, I had the soul of one of the men come through. It is always such a surprise when things happen like that out of nowhere.
And another funny thing, one of the men who I can never seem to get the schedule together with – since February! – was in line for coffee ahead of me the other day. When I walked out with my coffee, there he was, sitting on the bench waiting for me.
We talked for fifteen or twenty minutes before he had to be on his way and I had to get to work, but it was such a pleasant surprise that we finally got it together, and better than that, just the simple act of him waiting for me felt important. It feels like doors are opening and it is really time to get this show on the road in new and exciting ways.