The time between eclipses, especially when one is hitting just about everything in your chart, can be quite the challenge.
I cut just about all the men loose, in each case with good reason.
It is amazing to me how some people can create problems and start arguments before you have even really gotten started together.
Some can manage it before the first meeting.
If there is one thing I am not interested in, it is strife.
I am starting to appreciate men who have mastered the art of fading away. They aren’t rude, they just stop responding. That in itself is rude, but people do not generally have much finesse in this area and who wants conflict?
I don’t want to be that person but on the other hand it feels ridiculous to have to have a conversation about why it won’t work out before you’ve even gotten going.
It may be the age, because it generally comes with divorce and children, but sometimes people are wonderful and know what they are doing and getting into. Sometimes they just have no idea, even though by rights they should.
This is not the first time I have had to clear the slate and it is unlikely to be the last.
Erase, Erase, Erase!
The benefit of some of this experience is that I am starting to know when it is time to refocus and get back to “chop wood, carry water,” as in take care of my job, house, pets, yard and kids.
For months I kept getting the message to clear the stuff out to “make room” in my life for new things.
It was tough at first, and some things were surprisingly difficult to look at. If it can’t be used and hasn’t been looked at in years, mostly it has to leave.
Each time I dealt with a small area at a time, and each time I went back to it, it became easier. It is like training.
Everyone is so very different, and although that is obvious, sometimes it comes through in a very consistent way – they are all sending me the same message.
I tend to leave things open-ended because I was told growing up that asking too many questions was prying and rude.
I do ask questions when I am functioning as an intuitive.
In friendship or on any personal basis, if I don’t know you extremely well or if I don’t sense that something is wrong, I silently invite you to volunteer what you would like to tell me. If you ask me if I have kids, and I answer, I assume you will then naturally volunteer if you do also. Most people do this.
However, sometimes this backfires and people feel like all I want to do is talk and that I am not interested in them, what they have to say, or getting to know them. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
It also results in me cutting off contact sometimes, because of what people do not say.
If I offer that I wanted to be officially divorced before starting to seriously date, that is an unspoken invitation for the man to confirm that he is also divorced and not separated or actively married. In almost every case, he does and he provides details like,”I’ve been divorced for two years” or “My divorce is not finalized yet.”
Red flags wave if he says nothing.
Some say that I should pursue it and ask followup questions if I don’t get an answer, and maybe most people would.
I generally feel that I already know everything I need to know – either he is still married or he doesn’t want to get to know me well enough that an answer would matter.
Either way, I am done.
So questioning is not really required.
In dating, sometimes knowing something is wrong is enough – you don’t have to know what that thing is.
The Movies In My Head
The one thing I don’t want to be right now is “exclusive” with someone who I already know will not make it with me long-term.
It feels like being caught, and I just got out of a twenty year relationship.
On the one hand I invite in a great relationship, and on the other I am saying but it has to be one spectacular man, from my point of view.
I am probably not looking for the one who looks good on paper, although that is nice to have.
I am inviting in the one who I gel with and vice-versa. The one who I could talk to forever. The one who makes me smile when he walks in the door, just because he is completely himself.
My friend Paul made the funniest comment today about how most people are kind of caught up in their routine and not particularly interested in conversation and expressing themselves uniquely in the world, but that our group of friends has always been made up of individuals who do just that – because no one else could or would want to function with us.
Similarly in my dating experiences, the guy is going to have to be something very special to keep me interested.
Thankfully, I have men friends who show me all of the time that there are great men in the world who are intelligent, hilarious, and deep thinkers on subjects of interest to me.
That is pretty much all they have in common! They are a cast of characters though.
I also have the Virgo and some others who drive me nuts and keep my brain functional and who just lift me up. They are all great partners.
Sometimes I get clairvoyant movies in my head and I see pictures of the future, starring one man. I am being cautious about who I let into my life, and I am allowing plenty of time for things to develop or dissipate naturally.
I am offered advice on releasing and letting go of the ones I want to hang on to, just to see what might or might not happen…someday.
With regard to one of them, a friend said he will never give you what you want, he is just playing with you to pump up his ego.
Another said your guides say he will make you crazy because it could take up to a year for him to come around to you, and even then he may not be able to fully do it because of religious upbringing and limiting beliefs that he is trying to break through but might not be able to.
I can see how they both could be right.
I have a movie in my head that shows a scene I’d like to see play out.
If it never happens, it doesn’t.
I am okay with that.
If he pushes me too far, or if my situation changes and I decide I can’t know him anymore, then maybe it will never happen.
The movies in my head do tend to happen – eventually.
Sometimes they take years to come into being.
One manifested over the summer a few months after I saw it. Did I participate and make it happen? Technically, yes – we always have choice.
I was led into the opportunity, exactly as it happened in the movie. It felt the same emotionally. The rooms looked nearly identical, but not precisely. Very close.
I knew from the movie that this is exactly how the relationship would play out – that was its best case scenario.
So I walked away after that, knowing it would only go downhill from there. I chose to leave it as a positive memory and to create room in my life for better memories with other people.
Move With Your Intuition, Don’t Fight Against It!
It’s important to accept that not all things are possible, but some unlikely ones may yet manifest. Even if they haven’t yet, even if it seems like if they were ever going to, they should have by now…you can leave the door open rather than shut it.
If you do this, know you must continue to move on with your life and not restrict flow, just because that may happen someday.
I don’t want to be stuck, so I do exactly what I would have done anyway and I am not waiting. Yet I do not shut the door until the day comes to do so.
I have been hurt so many times that I really cannot heed advice when someone says I am causing myself unnecessary pain and that I should give up. It’s like learning to play guitar – you are going to get callouses.
I don’t want to invite pain, but I will not miss a chance for a very important opportunity or experience just because I might get hurt – or even if I know I certainly will get hurt.
Some things are worth the pain.
Just know where your threshold is.
There are times when you just know something is for you.
In those moments, stay open to see how much of it will come your way.
Yesterday I ran into another Virgo.
If I hadn’t ever met and engaged with The Virgo, and if I hadn’t known a friend who also had a Virgo, I would probably have rolled my eyes at the person who came across so loudly and clearly as a Virgo that I had to ask him if he was one, and he laughed and said yes.
See, you just never know when experience will give you the edge – and when all experiences are for the good because they lead right into the next opportunity.