Archives for August 2016

Synchronicity Of The Repeating Name


If you hear a person’s name six times from six completely random places within 24 hours, do you think it means something?

I’ll let you be the judge.

Keep in mind the Merriam-Webster definition of synchronicity (which, by the way, differs from mine):

The coincidental occurrence of events and especially psychic events (as similar thoughts in widely separated persons or a mental image of an unexpected event before it happens) that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality —used especially in the psychology of C. G. Jung.

When I left the Scorpio on Saturday night after an amazing first date, I thought we’d probably never see each other again.  I was neutral.

He was so intense that I wasn’t sure I could handle it on an ongoing basis.  Usually I like men who are more like trees – rock steady and standing behind me.

It must have been the ending with the Virgo, and my clearing him out of my field, that brought on the Scorpio, and in fact I had two men ask me out for the night when I cleared the Virgo from my system in the morning.

Usually you won’t get me to go out at the last minute – ever – but in this case we had been trying to catch up with each other for a while, I’d already said no twice, and we’d both had long days.  Somehow I was wide awake and raring to go.

The minute after he asked me out, someone who’d been hinting for a while implied he would like me to meet him out, and I said I’d love to be on the bar stool next to him but I couldn’t.

Since it was my last free weekend before my kids return, I’d been reflecting on my expectations for the summer and how wildly different it turned out from how I had imagined it.

I was so surprised by the Scorpio that I didn’t really take stock of it until a few days later.

Why Would I (Neutrally) Reject Him?

I wondered if the fact that he was single, my age, spiritual and willing to discuss it, and that we actually had some real chemistry going on had anything to do with my neutrality.  Basically, he was completely appropriate for me.  At least on paper.

I haven’t run into a man yet who had all of those qualities going for him, but we barely knew each other and he didn’t say anything about seeing me again, so I just thought it was probably one very pleasant evening that for whatever reason, wouldn’t get repeated.

The Virgo and I had a running joke where I would refer to all other men by their ages, like 32, 33, 39, 48.  Then I started to repeat ages, and I ran out of nicknames and started talking about them by name.

I had this idea in my head that the fated man I was supposed to meet…maybe the very tall one I have referred to before…was named John, but I never told the Virgo this.

One day I was telling him about three of the men and I remarked oh hey, I just realized that all of their names started with the letter J.

He said that was weird, and I remarked,”I guess it goes with Julie.”

He joked,”Call me John.”

I’ll admit it made me pause at the time.

But only for a second.

Oh, Come On!

It turns out that the Scorpio is yet another one whose first name starts with the letter J.  Every time I thought of him, I could not for the life of me get his name to stick in my head.  So I remembered it by saying to myself that my friend – whose name starts with J – has a son whose name is the same as the Scorpio, so I’ll remember it that way.

I do not recall this name ever coming to my attention before, but as soon as I realized that he was the only man I did not stop to think about afterward, it brought my attention back to him to ponder why that was.

Then his name came up six times.

Maybe it’s like when you buy a new car and suddenly you start noticing every other car on the road that’s just like yours – your attention gets drawn there.

I went to change my bed, and a little voice said to turn on the tv, which I generally do not do.  Full House came on, and as I went to change the channel, something told me not to.  I went about my business and a moment later, the girl says she is waiting for a call from a boy – with the same name as the Scorpio.  Let’s just say his name is J.

Thankfully I could then switch to Game Of Thrones.

I’d passed over a blog post in my feed about 15 times to the point that I wondered why Feedly kept showcasing the same post over and over for days.  I finally gave in and opened it to clear it – and in the first sentence was the name J.

A song with that name came on the radio and I watched it scroll across XM radio.

Someone mentioned the name on the radio, in another context.

I saw it one more place.

Finally I was watching an old Gilmore Girls (my all time favorite show, the dialogue is brilliant!) episode in preparation for the upcoming release of new episodes on Netflix and in the Bracebridge Dinner episode from a million years ago, Lorelai mentions J.  This is not a character on the show.  Just a random mention.

At this point I looked up at the ceiling and said,”Oh, come on!”

Because Another Man Is Coming In?

If this weren’t bad enough, I realized that the Scorpio had two things going for him that I hadn’t thought about before – two things that I’d put on my wish list that seemed fairly unlikely that I would get.

But – and this may be a big but – the man with the empty bar stool and I had discussed an agreement on Sunday.  If it proceeds as discussed, the Scorpio could not fit into my life, because we would have an exclusive arrangement.

Just following the threads here, people.  I wanted to end the summer in a happy way, cleared the Virgo, and suddenly and unexpectedly there were the Scorpio and bar stool guy…Scorpio asked first, bar stool guy has taken months to finally ask me and it is a big deal.  I care about the bar stool guy in a way that is very different from all of the others who have come and gone.

More On Virgos

Another odd synchronicity was that in the middle of all of these J appearances, my colleague who dislikes the Virgo because of her own Virgo, came into my office to say that her Virgo had come back.  Three years later, out of the clear blue sky.

I finally asked her to tell me why she was so prejudiced against Virgo men – what in the world had happened between them anyway?

I started to pale as she told me the story.  “And then he did this…” I’m thinking, that’s funny, that’s exactly what my Virgo did.  “And then he did that…”  Uh oh, that sounds VERY familiar!  Her entire story explained a man who sounded like a dead ringer for my Virgo.

Then she ended the story, in which the man behaved quite duplicitously, and really hurt her, by saying,”And he still says he did nothing wrong.  He just came back like nothing had ever happened.”

That’s exactly the way mine always came back, but if he told me this time that he did nothing wrong, God might strike him dead on the spot.

A Little Perspective Taking, Or Just Part Of The Plan?

I watch them come and I watch them go.  Along the way, I learn things.  Maybe one date is enough sometimes to learn what you need to learn, or simply to have fun and take a break.

For the ones who took a more serious turn, I wonder what I would see if I could just see it from their perspective?

I heard the song Part Of The Plan on the radio:

I have these moments
All steady and strong
I’m feeling so holy and humble

The next thing I know
I’m all worried and weak
And I feel myself
Starting to crumble

The meanings get lost
And the teachings get tossed
And you don’t know what
You’re gonna do next

You wait for the sun
But it never quite comes
Some kind of message
Comes through to you
Some kind of message
Comes through

And it says to you
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That’s a part of the plan
Await your arrival
With simple survival and
One day, we’ll all understand

I had a woman
Who gave me her soul
But I wasn’t ready to take it
Her heart was so fragile
And heavy to hold
And I was afraid
I might break it

Your conscience awakes
And you see your mistakes
And you wish someone
Would buy your confessions

He wouldn’t be the first one who looked at me and wondered if he would break my heart.  Some have said they were concerned about whether or not I was ready to move on.  Some of them know I am long past my last husband in that regard, but some did not know me well enough yet.

It made me think about ways I have said no.  Have I always been kind about it? Sometimes I explain why we’re not a fit or a match, if they ask.  Sometimes I really do think there is something really wrong with you and whatever it is, I need to stay far, far away.  Those guys don’t get an explanation. 

Usually though it’s just that it doesn’t feel right, or I know right away it’s not a match, and it’s nothing that the man has done or anything about him in particular.

I don’t expect to hear from the Scorpio again.  But if I don’t…why the reiteration of the name over and over again?  Can it be just a coincidence?