The Mystic: You Are Your Own Leader Now

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This is a time of trusting in the unknown. You already sense the answer, even if it is not apparent. Do not ask others what they see, for you alone can see into the heart of the matter; trust your intuitive powers to guide you.

This is the card and message I got when asking about how to handle the situation with the Virgo, and it made me laugh because this is the message I already know, the one that keeps coming to me over and over again lately.  The picture is far larger than the Virgo.

I’ve had a lot of resistance from my friends when it comes to my path and what I publish here.

I listen to everyone always, and what I have found these past few months is that those who used to coach me or provide support are warning me that I am going down a road they don’t agree with.

It has also been true that some of them have come back around and asked me for their lessons and to help them understand where they are standing and where they might go next, because everyone seems to be standing at the Crossroads right now.

There are some friends who just warn – and I do not discount what they say at all.  Yet I know that even if it turns out exactly and precisely as they prophecize, it does not matter – I am walking my path now, and I am in charge.

My mission has been presented to me.  At this time I am to open up to people, to learn and to grow in relation to them, and they are all different levels of experience being brought to me directly from Spirit.  It is a transition time for me.

I am not supposed to “ask others what they see for me” – I am supposed to see for myself, and then report back to you.  Some of you – not all – will get your answers for yourself by hearing about my experience.

I know this is unfolding exactly as it should, because so many of you have had healing through this already.

So many of you have said “me, too!” and asked for help or have offered me your knowledge and guidance, or both.

both are true

How Did You Get So Many Men?

This makes me laugh.  You – and some of my men – keep asking me this, how did a 49-year-old woman with two young boys get so many men around her to date, when all of your friends say there are “no men out there?”

There are men, always have been, always will be.  It is a lifetime default for me to maintain close relationships with men, as true friends.

None of the men I am dating now are going to be in my future as a lifelong romantic partner, but I may pick some of them up as lifelong friends.

The men are my healing partners.  I call them in, with divine and perfect timing – and when I mess up, Spirit sends me more.  I always said that Spirit is choosing my boyfriends for me – and how can you go wrong with that?!  Funny enough, I made that prayer months ago, because of the Virgo leaving the first time (and I thought he was gone for good, ha!).

When you have animation like that, you do need to get on your knees and start praying, because that is the kind of person who can stand there doing absolutely nothing, and there you are, feeling all of your feelings for the first time, saying,”Oh God, help me get through this one, this one is painful!”  You learn a lot about yourself that way, and that is the point.

The Virgo has always wanted me to be free.  He does not get jealous, he will back away rather than interfere.  Reminds me of the song Hello, It’s Me (which incidentally, is how he always comes back, he says Hello from out of nowhere, often in disguise, and I say Of Course, It’s You – because I just know):

It’s important to me
That you know you are free
‘Cause I never want to make you change for me

Think of me
You know that I’d be with you if I could
I’ll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile

For a while I thought that he chose his moments to come back, perfectly, because he was reading the blog.  Turns out, nope – he is just exactly that intuitive.  If I write that he owes me an apology but has never given me one before and I don’t expect it, right after the post goes out to my list, he comes back after 10 days away with a huge apology.  Somehow, he “just knows” – everything.

dark side

What They Teach Me

That is why some of them go, with a cover story, and then they come back, and I am different.

I must learn to see them for the unique change agents that they are, and learn to relate to each one individually.

The Starbucks guy taught me to learn to leave my intuitive way of life in place but private, just for me and not for him, and to speak very plainly and clearly.  I need to ask him questions when I don’t understand him, because he and I speak and live through completely different lenses, but I need to learn his point of view perhaps.  I am not sure yet.  It is like Part One, with him.  He complains all of the time about how our timing is always off, we don’t get to see each other, but I don’t think that’s true.  I think our timing is perfectly out of synch, and when it is time to get in synch, we will.  I have zero doubts.

The Virgo allowed me to practice saying all the things I could never say before, to my last husband or anyone else.  He gave me a safe space to say what I want, to get feedback, and to be met with acceptance and a hearty “me, too!”

The Scorpio is in so much pain, and I don’t know if it was God protecting me (I suspect) but he is full steam ahead down a spiritual path (which at first seemed like a good sign to me, an opening, but he is Christian-tinged, in the limiting kind of way) but is stuck and mired in his recovery and goodness knows what else.  He is aware of the stuckedness.  I am honestly not sure why he couldn’t have me in his life, but he seems to know a lot more about the situation than I do, and spirit is telling me “no.”  They moved me right along to someone else.  The Scorpio may come back in time (they all seem to do this, when they are ready) or he may be gone for good, and I put that firmly in Spirit’s hands.  I don’t think I need him for more than what he has already done for me, and he may or may not ever need me.

Some of the others seem to just see an opening when there actually is one.  They have no way of knowing this, and I don’t know how they do it, except to accept that Spirit knows, and sent them back around.

These relationships, with such different needs, personalities, styles, and a variety of views and opinions on me, allow me to see my own facets, much of which I never saw before. It allows me to see who I am through their eyes, where I am resistant or shut down still, and endless opportunities to just show up and be me, to learn to be giving of myself (not just giving in a “meet YOUR needs” way), but to really open up to be seen.


One Step Up The Spiral Staircase

If I don’t have these experiences, I can’t learn enough to help myself or to help the men or my friends or to help you.

Lately it feels as if I have a thought, and boom – it manifests.  Not always – or ever – in the exact way that I anticipate.

I might be serious or I might be joking, but if I say at breakfast “I’m ready for X to show up in my life, already”, it  is showing up by evening.

It’s not always the person I expected.  Or how I expected.

It arrives, and it’s happening one event after the other, pretty much in a step pattern, as in “one more step up the spiral staircase.”

Sometimes it feels like I am going backwards, but if you look at a spiral staircase, it is really Up and Around.

You may need to know you are not the only one who feels like life is acting or unfolding “so differently” lately.  Old methods don’t work.  Things do not happen in the predictable “if I do this, I get that” pattern.

I also know that as confusing and painful and difficult as it is to get to the other side of tough relationship situations, it is enormously healing and full of promise.

A lot of you cling to the one person for whom you always seem to get the signs and the synchronicities, the one you hold in your heart that you don’t want to let go of.

Remember, you are not their feet.  You are not to carry their pain for them – don’t hold it, release it and let it go and move on.

If you feel like they need you, that you are “sharing their burden with them,” that by holding their darkness you are rescuing them – c’mon Healers, raise your hand, I see you – you are wrong.  You are damaging them by not allowing them to do their own work, on their path.  They have their angels and guides, just like you do!  Just because they handed you their bundle of burdens, does not mean they are doing anything other than procrastinating and putting off their healing path.

Be willing to let people suffer!  They may not even see it as suffering, even though YOU can see it for what it really is.  They just get so used to it, their messy life.  I don’t care how much you feel you have “the answer” – you  probably really do, too – you do you AND them a disservice by being on stand-by.  They might look up and see the mirror you hold for them, or they might not, but you are going to have to Get Over It, let them complete their own healing cycle, and let it be okay with you if they do or they don’t.  You are not Jesus Christ – you are not their Savior.

I was screwed

Open Up Your Pathway

I have always said about the Virgo, if this all ends tomorrow, I would look back with thanks and a lot of joy, because just knowing him was simply so much fun.  No regrets.

Does that mean I want him to leave?  No.  When friends start listing the reasons why he is not a good guy, or does not treat me well, or will not be in my life forever, it makes me sigh.  I don’t want or need any of that from him, that is not the point at all.

I imagine things unfold just as they should.  We have reasons why we meet.  God plans our relationships – maybe not all of them, but the important ones.

I am letting him be himself, he lets me be myself, and you know what that does?  It lets me practice being 100% myself, no apologies.  I am not always sure what exactly I do for him!  Look at your relationships and just allow them to be what they want to become, and in the meantime, move on with the rest of your life.  We can invite the relationship in the future, without dimming or putting on hold our Now.  In fact, you’d better not!  I will haunt you, if you do!

I won’t repeat the past because I learned the lesson – the hard way.  How about you?

Now everything is so much better, even though absolutely nothing is decided.  I am so much happier than when I was married.

Some of this path of transition out of a deep groove of a rut has been enormous fun.

Life has begun to sparkle and shine again for me again, and I have learned so much.

Some day or week or month or year there should be someone who is truly right for me, in whatever way that turns out to be, and vice-versa, but all in Divine Timing or not at all – I am not pushing the river.

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  1. Aw! ” Look at your relationships and just allow them to be what they want to become, and in the meantime, move on with the rest of your life. ”
    Yes to that. Recently I was listening to a friend ranting about her buddy who was making ‘bad decisions’ and ‘dating a total loser, etc’. She was looking at their relationship from a logical lens. I have been this overly protective friend before, by the way. So I shared that in reading about karmic relationships/soul contracts, etc has opened up my view on this sort of thing. If people are in an ..unusual situation, something that looks odd outside looking in, chances are they are ‘doing their work’ and it’s best to let that unfold on it’s own. This seems simple but took me a long time to grasp. People generally seem uncomfortable when labels cannot be applied. They like order I suppose. But there’s an order to the seemingly randomness of your interactions with the virgo:) It’s neat he’s intuitive too. Who knew.

    I wonder if the people coaching you not liking your current path have some envy of some sort. You’re leaving the nest, have wings? No idea. It doesn’t make sense that someone coaches you and then when you’re making your own way they admonish you. I’ll admit that feels a little weird. It’s one thing to voice concern but it’s another entirely to being controlling under the aegis of a friendship. Maybe that’s not what you meant. A friend I have recently got into a spiritual community. It serves her (for now at least) except I felt there was some.. controlling aspects of the ‘guru’ or head person . It’s not a cult lol it’s a new age sort of thing. Anyway I said ‘pick and choose what you need but in the end be your own guru’. And this is what you are doing and it’s wonderful. Unfortunately even the best coaches, etc still have that pesky thing called ‘ego’ as we’re all human.

    Thanks for sharing these posts, truly they help and are timely.

    • Hi Anony, A long time ago the Virgo asked if I “liked it that he was right” about seeing how things would unfold, and I told him I liked watching his intuition in action, because it was so different from mine. He’d probably not say he was intuitive, he’d maybe label it something else, certainly he would not say he was spiritual in any way…but the guy “just knows.” I guess there is no need for labels!

      Maybe the coaches are there to provide contrast, so the message of standing on my own two feet without needing feedback all of the time gets put to the test – will I be “so sure” if people I repect offer a criticism? Turns out, yes – but not always without putting some real consideration in first, seeing if there is something I missed or not, forcing me to really feel into my decisions to test their veracity. In another way, sometimes they are absolutely right, and I can see that, but they are looking down the line at the ending, and I just want to be here for the party, for the experience, knowing that yeah, it could end badly for sure, but being willing to accept that as part of the experience – and knowing also that is not a foregone conclusion, either, because it’s all in my perspective.

  2. I won’t repeat the past either because I learned it the hard way as well, and I already repeated it time after time. I think I’ve already done what I was supposed to do and don’t know if he has, but maybe so because it’s been excruciatingly painful some of the time. Best of wishes on your transitioning journey 😇👍

  3. Hi Julie,

    Thanks so much for your timely post. My husband and I had both just came to the same realization about our tendency to want to help, serve or teach others. Ultimately, such tendencies are patronizing… if one is willing to look. And such tendencies have at the root a desire for power, which all of us are desperately trying to avoid, but our egos know all too well how to trick us into striving for and maintaining.

    Raised Catholic and oldest – save me from leading with light.

    • Hi Loretta, Oldest AND Catholic?? Oy! You got the double dose 🙂

      I am still trying to figure out how to be both “healer/message deliverer” and “hands off” at the same time…I guess through practice we begin to understand how it should be for us, and still not sure if/how it varies by person.

  4. Hi Julie,

    Awesome and very timely (again, quit reading my journal) post. I eagerly await when you hit the lotto, and/or the love of your life suddenly appears. Then I can relax. 😉

    I can really get on a soap box about healers, and healing. But, I just wanted to share a little story, experience I had when I was studying Healing Touch many moons ago, to expound on your thoughts on rescuing/healing/saving/yuck.

    My first class, very first intro to healing. The instructor I can see has the nun/healer/warrior vibe. Great lady! She says … “First things first – this is NOT about you! Hang your ego at the door. You can not heal anyone anymore than you can digest their lunch for them.” BOOM! – lol! This is also who taught me, “after me, you come first.” She would not be sending out any mamby-pamby healers into the world, lol! I learned so, so much from her, and my studies, about what healing truly is. The lessons will stay with me forever.

    Healer has such a lovely ring to it. Now I see it more as, Divine Instigator. I won’t be doing your work for you, put I sure can poke you in all the right places. Nicely. Sometimes. While reminding myself, I am getting my healing, as well.

    Mars and Saturn duke it out this week, and I look forward to your next post.

    Safe travels,

    • Maureen, When the love of my life appears, you all will be the first to know 🙂 Assuming I can recognize him, that is!

      I wish I could take that class. She sounds tough, like Carolyn Myss? So is the point then that we offer the pokes, and the other party chooses to do their work or not? Honestly, I wish I were trained in some of this, because I just do it but sometimes have no idea of the framework or background, it just comes out of me, and I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time walking and contemplating, trying to put the pieces together for myself and others, kind of like it is my hobby. Hard to explain to dates when they ask what my interests are and they are expecting to hear something like knitting or kyacking – “oh, um, well…I just live in my head a lot” lol. No idea what to tell them!

      Mars and Saturn already made me feel like I got hit by an anvil and then as I was laying on the ground a Mack truck fell out of the sky and completely flattened me.

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