Yesterday I was walking the dog beach as I do every day after work, letting the waves wash over my toes.
As I always do, I walk and I think. I feel and I process. I ground myself back down to earth, which is something I desperately need to do multiple times a day, since my head is always in the clouds (or, more accurately, in another dimension, processing).
I was thinking over what had just happened with Him.
He ran away again.
I asked him right before he did it, and still he declared everything was just fine.
A moment later, he was gone, not a word, not a sorry, nothing, and I haven’t heard from him since.
We had a rare opportunity to make plans to see each other this week, and I had already said with a sigh that if we couldn’t make it work this week, we were never going to.
He was making the plans, and despite his protestations to the contrary, I could feel him wavering from an hour’s drive away.
I won’t claim to know the whole truth to the situation or his point of view. I can’t say if he knew four months ago that this was the way it was always going to end up, if it was intentional, or if he really wanted to but just could not pull the trigger.
I have told him at least 100 times that I need the truth over a lie. That lies reverberate in my system but I am the friend you call when you need to bury the proverbial body – I have heard it all, and I can accept it all, if it is true for you. As long as you are in your integrity, I will cope with it and I will do it nicely, too. We have been down this road more than twice, and I have always been loving in my reply. But he could not do the same for me.
I love it when you send me those texts that make me smile no matter how many times I read them
We can just run into people who are so much fun, we’d spend day and night with them if we could, but their situation or ours does not allow us to get very far together.
Thinking about soul contracts, I had to wonder why I would plan to engage with someone like this right in the midst of the divorce being finalized. My husband just got remarried three days before, and he knew how odd that was to me and how it threw me off my game, wondering how things are going to pan out for the family in the future, so you’d think he wouldn’t have chosen this moment to hit me with the one, two punch.
You’d think if I were planning well, I would have planned for a happier relationship. They say that “souls who resemble, attract inevitably” – which made me stop to pause and think about myself!
In a way though, it was a very happy relationship. Day to day, he kept me company in such an engaging way that honestly each day was better for having him in it.
As I was waiting for him to get into integrity with himself these many weeks, I knew he might never be able to, but I hoped.
Now it feels like my favorite colleague whom I bantered and laughed with all day just took another job and left.
Many times before he has come and gone, it is certainly a pattern, but back then I knew he would always come back.
Then The Universe Gave Me A Sign
I was contemplating this and drawing some parallels between him and my last husband. I was thinking how interesting it was that I had just ended things with the Starbucks guy when this man appeared in my life, and wasn’t it kind of funny that the Starbucks guy re-entered my life just as things with this one were ending.
I have been reminded often lately of the man who is supposed to appear in my life, according to the intuitive therapist I was seeing for the divorce, and one of my very close intuitive friends, who happened to both see the same guy for me. The main feature is that he is supposed to be very tall – around 6′ 5″.
Something told me to look up those old notes last weekend, and I noticed that the six month no-dating moratorium is going to be up next weekend. My therapist had said that this man was waiting for me and that back in February his energy was already in my field.
As I walked the beach, I jokingly (because it’s always fun to joke when speaking with your spirit guides!) looked up and asked them,”So, where is he, already?!”
Suddenly I realized that I was no longer alone on the empty expanse of beach.
Out of absolutely nowhere, a man overtook me and started walking ahead. Then, he began to slow as if to let me catch up. I felt distinctly like he might turn around to talk to me at any moment.
There is a sort of common etiquette on this dog beach, and people tend to not make eye contact when they pass each other. People stop to play with other people’s dogs, but usually we don’t talk to the humans unless we both have our dogs and the dogs have found each other, which sort of forces us to chat.
The man who overtook me looked distinctly out-of-place here. He was wearing what I would think of as a very expensive version of what someone from the Midwest might wear when coming to a Florida beach, but Floridians would consider completely appropriate to wear to a nice dinner out.
So it was very odd when he slowed down for me. I wondered what would happen if I caught up to him. It felt like one of those moments when it wasn’t all quite real, when something is afoot…beacause this man was at least 6’5″, and South Florida is filled with relatively short men. I never see tall men.
He stopped and I passed him. Eventually I reached the part of my walk where I turn around, and I was headed right for him.
When we passed, I looked up at him and he was staring at me very purposefully, and then he seemed to smile, and kept on his way.
I realized that the universe had just given me a sign.
Ah, There You Are
I just ran across a Beau Taplin quote,”One of these days child you will meet eyes with someone who makes you feel so at home in the world you will think to yourself Ah, there you are.” That made me laugh because the dramatic relationships so do NOT make you feel like that!
Robert Ohotto said that to me as well – literally. He said I have a very strong Lover archetype, and when you pass by those who bring melodrama, which is a bit like being in the Unrequited Lover archetype, and find the one that you date from Soul as the Mystical Lover…it will be like ah, there you are.
And if it wasn’t funny enough that I was redirected to my notes from my old therapist about the 6 month non-dating rule, which brought to my attention that I was at the tail end of that timeframe, tonight I was speaking to a friend who described his journey as being like walking through layer upon layers of sheets and comforters, trying to find your way but tripping all over things because you can’t see what’s in front of your face. He said he felt like he needed to tell me that, like he had the impulse to tell me, for some reason.
I had to laugh, because in my notes from not dating, it said that I was veiled. I would spend the six months pulling layer after layer of veils off. The veils were symbols for my active illusions. As I peeled them off layer by layer, it would allow men to see me for who I am, and it would allow me to begin to get back to the roots of who I am and see myself and where I am going…along with allowing me to see the men more clearly for who they are.
You just have to laugh with your funny spirit guides!
And just for fun, I will leave you with this picture of my cat…and a “ghost.” It is always entertaining at my house.