Men! Soul Contracts! Frustration!

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rainbow

Anyone remember the man from Two Men and a Starbucks Stunning Synchronicity?  The one who worked there, not my date.  Well, he came back this morning.

I feel like banging my forehead against the glass table, once again.

He first came around months ago, before I was divorced and really ready to date.  We spoke at length every day, until one day he told me basically that I made him uncomfortable, that he could not let me into his life.

He was “practice” for me in releasing all the men that would come and go since, and it is a practice.  After a while, you just say to yourself,”Oh well…he was compelling, but I’ll just remind myself that ‘what’s for me won’t go past me’ and just cut the energetic cord and go about my merry way.”

The problem for me is, I can feel an energetic pull toward them when we are supposed to do work together but they…just cannot.  That leaves me feeling frustrated, like I had a mission and did not complete the job.  Still, I cannot do anything without their permission, some people run up against a soul contract and refuse to engage, even though on some level they know they need it, because they’d rather stay burnt out and frustrated and unsupported than do their work.  Or, sometimes that is the soul contract.

So I released him, months ago, and forgot about him.

He came back this morning and asked me if I ever found someone.  He was still in the same place, still stuck and frustrated with his life, and every part of my being wanted to reach out and shake him and say, “You idiot!  You came back?  Why do you think that is, that you keep being drawn to me?  And you say it is “your problem” that you cannot deal with me because you know I am an intuitive and can read you??  THIS is why you had a problem with me?  It is for help, not harm!”

That is like saying you don’t like someone’s blue eyes.  It’s a part of them.  I don’t often engage with people who are actually afraid of intuition, but I do understand being afraid to truly be seen.

To this situation, right now, I just want to say ARGH!!  and bang my head, but I know I have to release it and let it go.

So many frustrating situations this past week or so, but I have to keep on laughing and releasing and letting it be okay that people will tell me No when I am 100% certain it is in their best interest to say Yes.

I cannot force their work upon them, I cannot and will not “walk for them.”  Oh, but some days, I really want to!  That’s the wounded healer talking though, so I tell myself to just shut up, and things will happen as they are supposed to, in divine and perfect timing…I guess.

Stoppages and Blockages

I met someone who was (drumroll, please) actually divorced, as opposed to married (oh so many of those out there, it is sad) and we had a date until “something suddenly came up” and he had to go take care of his son in another state.

There is a widower who ran into a problem and had to cancel.

There is one who says he “misses me” but never really got to know me enough to miss me.  All he had to do was take me on a few dates so I could get to know and evaluate him better. I guess he didn’t want to be evaluated but he won’t stop texting me, either.  Actually there are quite a few who won’t stop texting, clearly not understanding the definition of “no” or “please go away and NEVER come back.”  Seems clear to me!

There is one who likes athletic women (that is not me!) but is such a nice guy and would like to see me anyway, even though I know perfectly well I am not his type.

Then the one referred to by my friend as The Virgo, tried to see me two days running and each time, something happened to stop him.  Once it was his car breaking down and once it was a construction crew wreaking havoc.  He got the phone call literally the second his butt was leaving the seat to come see me.

It took me forever to get used to him and synch up with him, but the similarity of thinking and the energetic match is compelling.  He is simply too much fun.

My friend who calls him The Virgo tells me he is lying to me, which is funny.  She and I have almost identical astrological charts, but this woman is tough as nails.  I think I can be tough?  The men tell me I am!  I am a marshmallow compared to her.  She brooks no nonsense.  She used to be married to a Virgo, they had a child, and let us just say, it did not end well.

She stops in my office periodically and asks about all of the new men, and no matter what I tell her, she never fails to inquire, “What is going on with The Virgo?”

I tell her “not much” and she gives me The Look and says to never see him again.

This week I told her about all of the men and all of the cancellations and she said,”They are all lying to you.”

ALL of them, I asked her?  One hundred percent of them, asked me out or planned to see me, knowing they would cancel, in order to string me along?  Or what?

She said yes.

I laughed.

Maybe it is true.  What do I know?  Anything is possible.  I do not believe that, though.

Walking the Beach

When my friend Mary came to visit me from Atlanta, I started walking the beach every day again.

I am having so much frustration in my life right now – issues at work, my last husband is getting remarried to his pregnant girlfriend on Saturday so my kids can be in attendance, missing my son turning twelve this week and his tears that I won’t be there, my dad going for surgery, Magic the Mastiff being sick, my very expensive double wall oven breaking and plumbing problems in the house and no man to handle it for me, and there is always so much to do and so little time…plus so many things I cannot even mention here.

My cure for this has always been the Atlantic Ocean.  I have gone years not seeing it, but just knowing it is right there and I can be there in 20 minutes is crucial for my overall well-being, for some reason – always has been.

After work I go to the beach nearly every night.  The second my car turns onto A1A and I hear the surf, everything else disappears.

I go to the dog beach, but I never bring my own dogs.  I just walk up and down the beach meeting everyone else’s dog, with the water washing over my feet.  I carry my flip flops in my hand, and stop and talk with each dog, and its owner sometimes, too.  A lot of the same people and dogs are there every day.  It is pure and healing, like pushing my reset button.  Something about people who would bother to take their dog to the beach…well, for whatever reason, they are My People.

Yesterday early evening I was walking the beach when a sudden rain shower ran everyone up the stairs and off the beach.  I usually wear swim shorts, to protect my phone from an errant wave, and I was walking back to my car getting soaked by rain until it stopped.  I sat on a bench, waiting for everyone to get done using the rinsing stations to get the sand off.  I had a message from the widower, asking me on a date.  Just then I looked up and saw the rainbow and snapped the photo above.

I will walk alone gladly until One I Like shows up.  I do not settle.  I will wait.

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Comments

  1. So… is the coworker an intuitive like you hence her ‘warning’ these suitors are ‘liars’. Or is she projecting/and or making hasty assumptions? I’m sure you take such things with a grain of salt anyway but I’m just curious. I think an amalgam of ‘busy/bar timing/daily life obligations/mishaps and basic scheduling conflicts is more likely. And this coming from a dyed in the wool cynic , er realist. I mean what would the point of ‘all of them’ stringing you along be anyway? I know some men might do that (depending on their emotional issues) but I can’t see it as being the norm not by a long shot.

    I nodded reading the bit about feeling compelled to interact/drawn to someone and them literally or figuratively running away, avoiding the work to be done. I almost want to yell ‘do it NOW because I don’t want to have to put it off for later’. And I agree on the people not wanting to be seen thing. Personally I think it’s neat, imagine all the B. S someone can skip when their prospective partner is an intuitive. THEY KNOW so you can skip the tap and twirl. But yeah, it can be intimidating if you think that person will also peek into the more shady aspects of your personality. That said, wheat and chaff here. It funnels the ones who won’t be up to the task by default:) ha

    • Hi Anony, I don’t think she is any more intutive than the average person. I think “life” just happens to people, God knows it happens to me. Typically people do not like to deliver bad news, so if they just change their mind or something better comes along or they get anxiety, they can make excuses rather than come out with the truth, right? I believe that happens, too. If I think over all the times I passed on someone, well there have been a lot. Something about them was just not for me, for whatever reason. Funny enough, the one I was banging my head over has hung around, although I do not know why…maybe he knows he is stuck but doesn’t know how to handle this. Wouldn’t be the first time someone felt that way about me 🙂 Lots are not “up to the task” as you put it! But that is probably true in most relationships – always something.

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