Soulmates come in funny packages.
They look like family, friends, coworkers, teachers, lovers.
Do we know them when we see them?
I think we do, but sometimes we are slow on the uptake.
There is kismet, serendipity, attraction, or recognition of some kind. Usually somewhere about the eyes. For me, I often see it in people’s writing.
As we develop a level of sophistication, we see them in those people for whom we have no romantic love of any kind, but when we are younger we often confuse them for someone we’d like to date.
I’ve written many times about soul mates, looking at my marriage and friendships, and those who came to test me to my core in unpleasant ways and teach me lessons.
If you drill down far enough you might see that everyone who touches your life even if for a moment is a soul mate of some kind. You’ve had moments when you’ve delivered or received a smile or a compliment, and it just about saved your life or theirs. I imagine we are under contract to each other and the soul contracts run deep and vast. I don’t pretend to know more about it than that. I just know it when I see and feel it.
Under the stress and strain of my divorce, I’ve met a new soul mate and established an understanding with another who has been with me the whole time.
The latter is the one who simply told me deep breath, when I was having a struggle where I needed to push the reset button on my mental health just to get through the moment.
Then the image above showed up.
I had to smile, because of course I will keep him, there was never any doubt. It goes without saying and requires no thought – it just is.
This is the same person whose existence and presence in my life has always allowed me to tell him things I cannot tell myself. Things I didn’t know were true, until riffing around with him about everything and nothing brought truths to the surface which I could then express and acknowledge.
If he weren’t there to bounce off of, I would never have seen them.
Likewise, there has never been a moment when I hesitated to tell him anything. It could be something scary, like when a ghost is here. It could be something devastating or mortifying that I would be embarrassed to share with anyone else. It could be processing through decisions and problems, for which he always has a helpful answer, even if it is just to ask me a good question.
I have never met him. Our relationship lives through writing and the phone, that’s it. It is enough. But should the stars align and we do meet each other face to face, there is nothing that could happen to change what we have.
Another not-in-person soul mate friend is an expert on Myers-Briggs personality types. If you have never been typed, think of it as a sort of Jungian Archetypes analysis of the personality that helps you understand how you interact with and are perceived by others.
She and I both happen to be female INTJs, which always strikes me as funny because the female INTJ is the rarest of all types, and yet here both of us are. Fated, you see.
I pulled that particular image because it mentions Do Not Hug Me. Sometimes INTJs can do a smart denial over who and what we are. After all, doesn’t it seem cold to not want to be hugged? Who me? Of course a hug is fine…
Well, upon reflection, no it isn’t.
Hugs from certain people are welcomed, everyone else should keep their crappy energy and stay away!
Over the summer I went to lunch with an old friend and she and I had a great time until she hugged me goodbye. Then I had a complete meltdown in the middle of an otherwise lovely day.
I didn’t realize at first what had happened. I just knew the bottom fell out of my stomach and stayed there. I didn’t connect it to the hug until after the fact, when I realized that she was putting on a great face but how I was feeling in this moment was how she actually felt inside. Not a good place people, trust me when I tell you that it threw me for a loop. That’s the old empathy banging around – when I go out into the world without purposefully zipping up my own energy, it is permeable and will pick up on everyone else’s.
So it was interesting to me when I met a new soul mate and found that not only did I welcome a hug but I could simply be in his presence and feel nothing.
That might sound like a bad thing, to feel nothing, but actually it is amazingly freeing.
It means that your entire energy system is calm and at peace, no matter what it looked like when you arrived.
It means that you are not picking up any energy from the other person, at all.
There is no fear. No anxiety. No pressure.
What has entered the room is balance. Equality. Serenity.
That is rare.
I sat in the presence of this new calm and breathed for the first time in a long time. That’s how it felt, like I’d run around the world doing some shallow panting for a very long time, years even, and now I could take a full and complete breath. In and out. No obstructions. Just a deep breath, in and out.