Archives for February 2015

The Crossroads Demon and You

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Using your intuition can feel like a crapshoot when you are off your game.

Being connected and in the flow, where synchronicity feels like your best companion and friend, is a truly wonderful place to be.

When you are at a crossroads in life it can look like absolutely yes and absolutely no could BOTH be legitimate answers.

At moments like these, you know intuition is not going to solve your problem.

Call it The Trickster being in the house, call it fooling yourself, call it self deceit or maybe denial is the best word for it.

It could be that you just cannot see the truth of your situation clearly and no amount of consulting with others will help you at times like these because inevitably you will find someone who agrees with you and someone else who will agree with that part of you that fears it all may be a lie you are telling yourself and holds the reverse position.

Years ago my friend told me that “moving off my square” could be helpful if for no other reason than making a move changes the game.  If you don’t like your new square, you can always move again.

Sometimes it is not that easy.  Moving off your square can mean saying goodbye, changing things up so much that there is no backward to be had.

When you do not know what you are doing, when you have no gut feeling either way as to the correctness of your choice, you can make a mistake.

I do agree with the “there are no mistakes” philosophy only insofar as you inevitably learn, no matter which choice you make, but I do believe there are wrong choices.

For a very long time many have been stuck in cycles where there is no way out.  Flail though you might, no square hopping will happen.  The job won’t appear.  The relationship either will not materialize, will not die though we hit it in the head with a hammer, will not get either a lot more happy or a lot more sad so we can make a choice.  The phone calls will not be returned or the company you are dealing with will not move from their position or make a commitment to a position.

You get the idea.

You are stuck and flail about and nothing moves.

It just refuses to budge.

Looking back over life you can see there are frozen periods that were in your best interest, because in the end the result was worth the confusion and the suffering.

If you are really good you can hang with the unknown and be all “hey that’s cool, maybe it’s in my highest good, I’ll just wait it out and have some fun in the meantime.”

The waiting can be part of the lesson, where you work things out in your life or just in your own mind.

Sometimes nothing much happens during the wait, and those times could be attributed to “things not being lined up yet.”  Someone else may need to leave that job so you can take the spot.  Some funding may need to come in.  Someone may have to decide to sell their house or not renew their lease.

But what if all that waiting is only waiting for you? To make a move.  To make a choice.  To decide, already.  To stop taking it.  To reach for it.  To begin again.  To end it.

It feels at times like “somebody up there” has these answers, can see what you cannot see through the fog of your indecisiveness, uncertainty.  You wish you could pick up the damn phone and have them give you the answer!

Our spirit guides and angels are great at communicating with us when our end is clear, but sometimes I wonder if our end is already clear and they just aren’t helping because…it wouldn’t help.  It’s up to us alone.

I’ve been under fire lately.  Heavy artillery is being lobbed at me.  I am hanging in there working a full time job, and trust me when I tell you there have been some crazy challenges coming down that pike lately!  My husband is away most of the time and so I am taking care of my two kids, three dogs, two cats and the house.  Two days a month a lady comes in to help me with some of the cleaning, but the other 28 days I am on my own, just me and my laundry.

I listen to the criticism and I think,”Yes, they are right about that thing.”

The problem is, there are 4,192 other Things.

I suppose one could pick apart the first ten and say some pretty brutal things, and really there is not a good argument to refute them.

Have I gained weight?  Yup.

Is the dog any better?  Maybe.

Have I trained the kids to help me clean up around the house or have I just done what I could with the energy I had and said,”I’ll try again tomorrow.”  You know the answer to that.  Sometimes they help and sometimes they just fight and it’s more effective in that moment to do it myself, if not in the long haul.

An outsider could look at me and say,”You have a full time job and two young kids and a house full of animals!  If everyone is alive and well, you’re doing great!”

And another outsider could look at me and say,”You’re fat!  You’ll drop dead in five years!  There’s dog hair everywhere!  The boys peed all over the toilet seat!  You are disgusting!”

I’ve heard both.

In the end, it is my decisions and my choices.  I know that I am always going to be falling down on the job in one area or another.  If the kids are in great shape then the house will be dirty.  If the house is clean then I haven’t had enough exercise or made decent meals.

Probably somewhere there is a person who does not have a full time job who can do everything else to perfection.

Actually, yes there is, because she has gone on a tirade of criticisms and insults about how I run my life.

If I say “this is all too much but I am doing the best that I can!” it means that I am not actually complaining it’s more like I am saying “hey look, somehow we’re doing this!”

It would be lovely if people in glass houses did not throw stones, but they do and they are not my concern.

Lately I’ve done a lot of saying that I’ve done the best I could, and those things over there are just going to have to wait or be given up on, because I know that’s the only way I am going to survive this thing.  Some people will read that and say I’m complaining and fatalistic and not trying nearly hard enough.  Others will say,”Yup, that’s the way to do it, do what you can, call it a day, and live to fight another day!  It’s fine!”

Obviously I am one of the latter people.  I don’t need to be right.  It doesn’t need to be perfect.

But what DOES need to happen is that I do just enough that I can say to myself at the end of the day that I put in a good effort.  It’s a feeling you get.  A satisfaction. Not every day ends that way.  Some days you have to rest or get run over by the illness truck.  You have to spend time with the kids and have fun sometimes.  Sometimes the circus is in town or a good movie needs to be watched.

If you find yourself being criticized and you can see their point but not really see how to get there from here, it’s probably best to see if there are any pearls in there and then shrug off the opinionated critics.

They may be right.  If you just look at that ONE thing, independent of everything else. But that’s not how life works. Sometimes you really cannot do everything well!

There are those who will see you quite clearly for who you are and will maybe help you.  There are others who see you only how you were five years ago and either refuse, or cannot see, how you’ve grown, improved or changed.  That is their problem, a reflection of their inability to see truth.

In the end, opinions are worthless.  Only you know the truth. Your truth.

So let’s go find our truth and move off our squares.