Dissonance and Discomfort

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bday party

Just a short one today to acknowledge all of the dissonance going around.

Today is my youngest son’s birthday.  He was born in the hospital across the street from where they hold the South Florida Fair annually.  Each year it’s our family tradition to take him to the Fair on his birthday.  There are traditions like following my husband through all of the 4H animal exhibits before anyone is allowed to go crazy on the rides.  We laugh at the crazy foods they come up with every year, like hamburgers with donuts holding them together and chocolate covered bugs.  We see the big show (this year it’s Las Vegas with Elvis on Ice…you never know what you’re going to get!) There are just certain things that we do without fail.

Except this year, we are failing to do them.

I’ll take the kids but my husband is working overseas and missing everything.  He missed the birthday party yesterday at an arcade (I’ll let you guess which kids in the photo above are mine).

My husband’s nephew is supposed to meet us at the Fair today to do all of the rollercoasters and shooting galleries with the kids, as my husband normally would.  When I had my last kid, I became unable to ride anything where your stomach drops out from you, which is bummer because I used to really like rollercoasters, but there you go!  That’s Life.

This last week things got wildly busy, to an uncomfortable level.  It made me wonder why everything seemed to be dumped on me all at once.

The calendar started getting really crowded with appointments at the school, doctor, dentist and so on, all during the day when I am supposed to be at work, which has been incredibly busy.

My son’s computer got a deadly virus and I spent hours trying to fix it, for three nights in a row, until I had to be told to stop fixating on things I know nothing about – which I did VERY begrudgingly.  It’s hard to admit defeat when you feel like you could possibly figure it out yet.  I know buying him a new one eventually makes more sense than  putting a ton more hours into it, and I have to realize that the world won’t end if they don’t have access to their favorite thing.

But what I realized was that I am trying to play Mom and Dad.  It’s one thing when I can’t fix something in the house, but it’s another when the kids can’t get what they want or need because I don’t know how.

We can be realistic and say that we can hire out the jobs we can’t do ourselves because it’s all just too much.  The reality is, that is how I ended up with a maid service.  I just couldn’t manage it all myself so I have to fork the money over for someone else to do it, and be grateful for it.

For some reason the maid decided to clean in the couch cushions and she managed to be afraid to clean the leather while managing to break the chaise part away from the rest of the couch.  That means when I am up in the middle of the night and go out to the couch to try to get back to sleep, I wake up with my behind stuck in the hole between couch and chaise, which created a little more knowledge about exactly how inflexible I have become when I tried to get up.

I guess I am trying to find a new life here on our own and make things work in new ways, but they aren’t always that successful.  My husband is a grounding force and without him I tend to get more carried away than usual and less apt to just get on with things and cut my losses.

So I’ll continue to flail about here, less on the flailing and more on the enjoying being present, as I can.  I’ve been trying to strike a balance between cleaning out the house and sending things back or to the Goodwill or school without overdoing it and hurting myself.  It’s becoming really obvious what I need to learn to do, what I need to give up on, where I need to accept help, and where I need to flex a little and try new things.

It’s Mercury Retrograde in a few days and I am most interested to see where this one is going to go!

I wonder how much longer things are going to remain status quo.  It feels like changes are coming, magic is afoot, but no one is giving us the answers just yet.

 

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Comments

  1. 1st – Happy Birthday to your son, I hope he (and all of you) have a fun day. 2nd – Sorry your week was overwhelming and please don’t feel alone when you say everything seemed to be dumped all at once, I totally feel ya on that. Even though my kids are older (21 and 16 and 2 kitty cats to boot…one of which is coughing up a hairball as I am typing this…oh joy!…) I’ve been single for 7 years, it can be ROUGH!
    I hope this next week is more calm for you (and me too), I can’t remember what last mercury retrograde brought, lol.
    Peace and blessings to you and yours 🙂

    • Lorin, Thanks, we did have a great day overall! Someone was so bummed about his Dad not being here, I was actually surprised how much it hit him today. But my husband’s nephew came to meet us and did all of the “Dad stuff” so that helped.

  2. Happy birthday to your boy! My mom’s birthday was yesterday too. I love that you used the word dissonance, I could not put my finger on just the right word to describe my energy as of late but I appreciate your keen observation of the general energy, validation it’s not me per say. Last year was so full of non stop lessons & adventure but going into the new year I can hear crickets it’s so quiet. I’ve been wondering if things will ever gain momentum again. I feel like I’m in a sailboat with no wind. Hopefully this MIR will be just the breeze I need to get young again. : )

    • Nicole, Thank you! Crickets, hmm, that sounds peaceful 🙂 Maybe enjoy it while it lasts, because you know sooner or later (probably sooner) it will all rev up again.

  3. happy birthday to your son, Julie! Hope he enjoyed the birthday even if Dad wasn’t there. I’m pretty sure I can guess which one he is in the photo! haha

    Lots of changes in the past and that are coming up, it looks like. I’m beginning to think in my own life, that the ability to accept and deal with change is what ultimately life is about. I think once we learn this lesson, we are essentially enlightened 🙂 but not sure how many of us come to accept, embrace change completely.

    wishing you happy changes and good things in the new year.

    • Hi Vishnu! Yes the little guy is a firecracker 🙂

      I would love some good changes, thank you for the wishes and same to you.

      Working on our flexibility with all of these changes. It’s one thing to work on our physical flexibility and quite another to learn to rock and roll with all of the other types of change and flexing in the mental and emotional arena. But work on it we will, because no matter what it keeps coming!

  4. That’s why it all sums up in one annoying phrase, Julie – “That’s Life” Sigh. Happy birthday to your son – did he have a good time? Funny how children adjust quickly as long as they’re having fun. Oh man! Tell me about that trying to fix things! I drive myself nuts doing it. I gotta learn to let go, too. Sometimes it is worth it, sometimes it is not. My prob is, I grew up so much without, that I find it hard to outsource and pay.

    Huggggs!
    Vidya Sury recently posted..That BS called People PleasingMy Profile

    • Hi Vidya! Yes he had a good time but his Dad not being there really cast a pall on the day. I think he was expecting a surprise visit, which unfortunately was not going to happen. I really had to get used to outsourcing things (that I could technically do) once my husband left, but after a month of going nonstop on the weekends as well as the workweek I gave it up with gratitude.

  5. So sorry to hear you’ve been waking up at the crack of dawn! I will send you some of my crazy cleanout energy, if that would help. I got extra. 🙂
    The Painted Universe recently posted..A Towering AchievementMy Profile

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