Flog To Death Or Accept – Existing In Uncertainty

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It seems to be a universal theme right now to be able to co-exist with your anxieties and be okay with not seeing the road ahead clearly.  We are being fairly attacked with changes, but it’s just to get over the required hurdles before we can make our next big leap forward.

Some of these changes have us looking up to heaven saying,”You’re kidding, right?!”

Flog To Death Or Accept was the apt title of one of my Short Report Forecasts on Astro (which you should go to immediately if you’re at all interested in astrology!) after my husband moved to another country for work.

One of my intuitive friends faced a “move or ye shall be moved” crisis so like mine that it was humorous.  The universe even sent her back to her day job on the exact same date as I went back to my day job last year.  Talk about synchronicity!

Even though my gut said,”Yes!  You must go!” the moment my husband told me about the job offer, in the back of my mind things were whirring away going,”Oh crap, oh no, WHAT DID YOU DO??” in all the weeks leading up to his departure.

I was in anticipatory fear that I couldn’t cope.  What would the house feel like without him?  Who would I talk to?  Who would fix everything when it breaks?  Who would pick up the kids in time if I got a flat tire or had to stay late at work?

I suppose walking a spiritual path has more side benefits than you might anticipate because somewhere along the way I moved from making decisions with my intellect (thinking) to making decisions from my heart (feeling).

I said yes immediately to his move, going from pure gut instinct without thinking it over.  I used to think things over from all angles, discuss it to death with anyone who would listen, make a pro and con list, and get back to you in two weeks.

This experience showed me that I’ve been making snap decisions from pure intuition.

The first week, the universe had us go through failure after failure with trying to communicate.  We tried Skype and Google Hangouts and cell phones.

He could see me but not hear me, and I could hear him but not see him.

We would have phone calls every three days that lasted two minutes because the cost was $5/minute.

I had no idea where he was, what he was going through, how things were going, nothing.

I got so frustrated that I had a complete meltdown one day, convinced that this was it – it was never going to work, I’d sent him away and that was the last I was going to connect with him for months other than email.

It was Mercury Retrograde where tech failures can happen if you aren’t in alignment.  I was aligning my butt off, each day all day, adjusting to this new way of life with challenges at every turn.  I thought I was doing my part, but nothing was gelling.  I sat down at my porch table, threw down the phone, cried my eyes out, and had a word with Mercury.

Not literally, you understand, right?

That very afternoon I was in the changing room at the pool, half in and half out of my bathing suit, when the phone rang with a local number I didn’t recognize.  I almost didn’t answer it, since the kids were in the community pool waiting for me, but it turned out to be my husband, FINALLY, on a crystal clear line.  God bless Vonage.

It took a week, but we had finally connected, and got to talk for an entire half hour.

He wasn’t worried.  He knew we would eventually get everything straightened out.  I, on the other hand, turned myself into a complete wreck.

Just another chance to see a few things clearly.  You can know (in your mind) all of the right things to do and still not have enough practice feeling into them.

The lesson was to be able to stare into the unknown and allow it to be okay to simply exist in uncertainty.

Our minds so want to know the answer, right now!

It is never knowable, we just anticipate that everything will go rolling right along, but we’re often surprised anyway, right?

In a turning point, major change, or non-emergency crisis moment, allow yourself to feel those churning feelings and rather than catastrophize, just allow it to be felt and watch what makes it settle down.

Listen to the sub-messages.  In my case it was,”Find the joy.”

We get chances to grow into our potential, and usually it doesn’t get heaped on us all at once, but through a series of events that allow us to grow a little stronger each time.

If there’s something in your psyche that has to get out of the way so you can grow into your destiny later, the universe will clear it out in stages.

Mine was a simple terror that something horrible would go wrong (like in the house or with the car) and I would be powerless to take charge of and handle the emergency.  I’m not going to explain my quirky house, but trust me when I tell you we have had PLENTY of those challenges and my husband is the one who solves them.  I feel like I should mention the word co-dependent in here somewhere as well.

But yours could be anything.  My fear might sound ridiculous to some of you, but that doesn’t matter, you have your own fear and whatever it is, face it, you must.  It might not be today or next year, but whenever you are scheduled to take a giant leap forward, the universe will sit you down and say,”Here is your fear on a plate.  You can’t move forward until you exorcize this demon. Go at it.”

First my laptop fan was making a funny noise.  I diagnosed (and cleaned it).

Then my husband’s hydroponics experiment had a plumbing clog.  I got him on a video conference, showed him the problem, and he walked me through it step by step.

This is only Week Two, but if the lesson hasn’t been learned enough that yes I can handle it, whatever it is, then there will be more, until I really believe it.

You can always breathe and bring your focus back to the present moment.  One hundred times if necessary.

Colette Baron-Reid wrote today:

Letting go the old is important to make space for the new. Even old behaviors you think define your personality need to be released in order for a new manifestation to arise. We grieve our old selves as a sacred act of clearing. It’s ok to be sad, to not know, to recognize that for a time we grope in the dark. Yet, the light shines soon enough and miracles have room to blossom. Amazing.

 

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Comments

  1. Right there with ya, as you know. 😉 I’m just going along with it because geez oh pete, fighting it gets me nowhere and I gotta trust the Universe not only in the good times but most especially in the sucky. It’s never NOT had my back so when things aren’t flowing my way, I just have to trust.

    I’m so so so happy to hear that you and hubs were able to make a connection finally! 🙂

    So, hand in hand, we skip along, trusting the universe as we go, right?
    Lisa | Practically Intuitive recently posted..Soulful Life SanctuaryMy Profile

    • Lisa, We sure do! I’ve had more messages than gravy that this is the right thing. Why, I know not. I can feel the support though, plus all my human friends are coming out in droves, which is also great. I have to write next about my session with Lori, where she heard from AA Michael and he said the coolest thing about the situation. You would appreciate that because you have that connection as well.

      I am pulling for both of us! I am so, so interested to find out why we are both going through this, in this way, but I guess we are going to have to wait!

  2. Mary Stephenson says:

    Hi Julie

    Oh yes, fear in our worst case scenario is usually only in our minds. Most of our fears never really materialize. I feared and still do a lot but it is usually never as bad as it turned out to be. Actually some of them turned out to be blessings in disguise. I really need a few more of those blessings over the next couple of years.

    I was reading something on fear and wrote some of it down. “Fear only lives in our head.”, “We ourselves give fear the power.”, “Tell fear ‘thank you for sharing’ and then take action.”, “Turn ‘off’ the taped message of fear.” Of course in the heat of “fear” it is easier said than done, but it gives us something to think about when it raises it’s ugly head.

    You will be fine on your own and will come out stronger in the end. It is so easy to become as you say “co-dependent”, I know I am guilty of that often. Yet when I was young I was on my own and managed to survive and with a lot more insecurities than I have now. Only difference then I was in charge of my own destiny.

    Mary

    • Hi Mary, In youth things seem so easy, and so they are. It’s a good reminder to us now, if we can conjure up those memories of how we just powered through things and had the world fall at our feet.

  3. I hear you Julie. There’s a lot of it about lately. People staring fear down and eventually coming to grips with it through one means or another. A lot of my friends are experiencing it and I’ve been called upon to face up to a fear I’ve lived with ever since I can remember. It’s a pesky part of human beingness and I truly think that taking a deep breath and going full steam, or even half steam ahead into the face of fear is a pretty cool accomplishment. Big hugs and pats on the back for you kiddo. 🙂
    Elle recently posted..14 Things To Stop Doing TodayMy Profile

    • Hi Elle, You crack me up, “pesky” is a good word for it! Minimizes it somehow. The wonderful part is that when we are past it, it always looks so very small from the other side.

  4. There are two things I feel the universe is telling me to give up/leave behind. But I see nothing waiting to fill up those empty spaces if I were to give them up. So my fear is that I would give them up and be left only with holes. Not with relief that the things are gone. Just emptiness. So I go on flogging, because I see no alternatives, nor signs pointing to alternatives. I sometimes wonder what my purpose is. Maybe it is just to keep searching. That is too heartbreaking.

    • Nancy:
      Until you give them up, you won’t see anything. The question my angels kept asking me was “Do you wish to choose differently now?” And I said yes, but never did. So I went through some very tough lessons. They’re getting easier, but until we do it differently, we keep receiving the opportunity to learn the same lesson. I’m on #2, worse than #1, definitely don’t want #3.

      We get it in steps. But we have to clear out the old first. Have faith to take a step forward and give it whatever it is that you’re holding on to. Then have faith not only that the next thing will show up, but that you will RECOGNIZE it. (“willing and allowing” became my mantra….”

      You hear yourself, all you need to do is listen.
      Blessings and love to you

      • Thanks Judi-
        I am really trying. In one case I can’t let go of one without having another to go to, because I have to have a job! Things don’t just show up in my universe- I’ve always had to seek them out. So in this case I can’t, in a practical way, clear one out to make room for another. But maybe I can in my mind. Julie once said to live as if you are already there. I’m trying to do that. I wish I were better at hearing my angels. Thanks for your wisdom.

  5. Loretta Steeves says:

    Julie,

    We can’t make this up. Last night I had a dream. The interpretation I wrote in my journal was: “Let go of certainty.” And then I checked my email and read your blog title.

    Here’s how I think it works. The collective keeps throwing out what you need to hear and learn. Since we humans have free will, the collective doesn’t know when we will pick up that particular idea. That’s why we often get multiple messages with the same content. If I hadn’t processed my dream content, I would have gotten a second chance to hear the message with your post.

    Thanks for having such a clear channel that the Universe counts on it repeatedly. (For us slow learners.)

    Ever onward,
    Loretta

  6. Hmm. Do you ever wonder, if we really learned all our lessons, stuff would stop happening to us? Maybe the planet would actually stop so we could get off?

    I’ll let you know if that happens. I keep a bag packed just in case. 🙂

  7. Glad things finally worked out and you and the hubby connected finally. What a rough road there.
    I keep trying to exist with the uncertainty, but think I’m still doing a lot of flogging along too. I’m trying to listen or catch the cues, feels a bit hit or miss though. Along the lines of “are you kidding?!”, the electric went out in one of our kitchen walls… just one section. Yet another in a list of problems we need to figure out with this place. Starting to think maybe it’s the kick in the pants to get us either get another house here or move out altogether. Hope things work smoothly for you and less hurdles!
    Stacie recently posted..Going along…My Profile

    • Stacie, Hold on to your hat, because things are about to change in a big way. The frustrations of this time will go away, we are about to make a major turn.

  8. hey Julie – glad to hear things worked out as well on the communication front.

    I like how you talked about hearing the submessages of uncertainty. Even when it’s dark and we don’ know what to do, there is still a message there. The first message is “I don’t know what to do”, the second could be “I don’t know what the answer is”, a third could be “I don’t need to know an answer” and a fourth “things will work out for the best in the end” or the “solution will appear syncronistically.

    The answers we seek, usually always come. sometimes, we just have to listen to them 🙂 Or when we don’t listen slap our hands against our forehead and find the answer was there always in front of us.

    • Hi Vishnu, You are so right! There are many, many sub-messages in any major theme. When we go through a major shift and move forward, sometimes it’s hard to tell anyone afterward what we learned, because they come so quickly and get integrated into our system, and then they just seem like they were there the whole time. Right now I am wishing I had your traveling and adjusting experiences under my belt, because that’s the next stage I will be working on. Thank you for coming by 🙂

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