Connecting To Loved Ones Who Have Died

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How Do You Connect To A Loved One Who Has Died? is the article that brings most people to A Clear Sign.  Considering how many opportunities I’ve had for mediumship lately, how many of my relatives have been coming around, and some questions I had this week from an old friend whose mother has recently crossed over, let’s revisit the subject of what happens when we die and how can those of us still here get in touch?


I was standing in my boys’ closet looking at the disasterous mess of clothes strewn about.  It was late at night and I’ve been fighting off a chest cold for a couple of months so I’m tired and I let out a big sigh.

Suddenly I heard in my head,”Ishkabibble.”

I saw an image of my mother and her sister, Ida, both of whom are dead.

I haven’t thought of that word in a thousand years, and I’d forgotten what it meant.  I looked it up and it was perfect for the situation:

It’s a slang term from 1913 which means,”I should worry!” which actually translates to,”Don’t worry!” or,”Who cares?”  It sounds like Yiddish, which would have been appropriate to both women, but actually it isn’t.  Nonetheless, clearly they were with me in the closet telling me to get over it already.

It gave me a good laugh and I certainly felt better knowing they were there telling me I should take care of myself and not worry about little messes or small inconveniences of life.  You know I can get overly serious when I’m unwell and really, what could it hurt if I had a reminder from those who used to take care of me that I was doing a good enough job taking care of my boys?

My Mother Comes Around

I knew my mother was in the neighborhood because a couple of weeks ago my youngest son, who calls me “Mom” not “Julie” found the singing birthday card my husband got me in March.  He walked right up to me, opened it up, and sang along.  Using a voice that was not his usual tone, he sang,”Happy birthday, dear Julie, happy birthday to you.”  I knew right away it was a belated happy birthday song from my Mom because he sounded exactly like her, intonation and all.

Uncle Joe

Every once in a while when I am messaging with someone or talking with them on the phone, their relatives will take the opportunity to give them a shout out.  Open vessel, found?  Any port in a storm?

It’s a little disconcerting when you are taking a break at work or otherwise just minding your own business and Spirit takes the opportunity to come on through.  It’s moments like those when I feel like the Long Island Medium, without the lip biting.

Still, they aren’t rude and they don’t throw me off and I don’t usually get a feeling of chills or really, anything.  It’s like someone beeped in on call waiting except it just happens in my head.

One particular friend of mine has a grandpa who likes to pop in unannounced on a regular basis.  I always ask my friend if he was just thinking of him, wishing he was still around to talk with, and inevitably he says yes.

The part that I find comical and synchronistic is that one day he posted a photo of himself with his grandpa and I almost fell over.  I wanted to ask him if it was a joke, but of course, it couldn’t have been.

His grandpa looks EXACTLY like my Uncle Joe.

The funny part of this is that back when I was doing intuitive readings regularly, I would often see my own family members in someone’s reading.  I remember I saw my Uncle Joe when I did the first reading for my friend.  Or I thought I saw my Uncle Joe.  I knew this was his grandfather, because of the age, and I saw him sitting in the stands at Santa Anita, the horse track in California.  My friend grew up in Los Angeles and my Uncle Joe was a bookie back in the day.

Trying to explain to someone who exactly is visiting them when you see your own uncle is kind of hard, especially when they don’t give a name.  “Well, he’s short and he has white or gray hair and a moustache and he’s wearing old man pants with a belt…”

Why Don’t People Come Through Immediately After They’ve Died?

Unlike last week when I reported that my old childhood “boyfriend” came through the day after his funeral, most of the time people do have a period of assimilation, commonly known as the Life Review, after they die.  Depending upon what their mission was this lifetime, where they are in their spiritual evolution, and some other factors, it seems like some spirits take more time than others to process what they’ve been through.  It also seems like some have “jobs” on the other side and they get busy doing them, not always having or making the “time” (time being relative, it doesn’t work like it does here) to immediately come visit those they’ve left behind in grief.

Part of it may be your perception, since you don’t always know what you’re looking for as a “sign” or an “answer” from them.  Even I miss them sometimes, and I am totally on the alert for them.

Part of it is that you don’t “believe it when you see or hear it” because you may perceive that a passing thought in your head is just wishful thinking, not a message you are receiving.  Trust me, we are all big receivers, like radios.  Think about it, how else are they going to deliver a response or a message that they are right there beside you?  Yes, they can move physical stuff around or get all up in your electronics if they have to, but before they ever do that there 1,001 signs and messages that you missed.

That thought that popped into your head when you were thinking of something else?  That’s them.  That is usually the easiest way to get through to you, by delivering a message that sounds like the voice you use when you are “thinking.”

If you aren’t good at “hearing” or discernment, they will send you visual images.  They will just “pop” into your head, like a dream does, except you are awake.

Finally, if you miss the thoughts they inserted into your day or the images that popped into your mind, if you’ve discounted the dimes showing up, the book falling off the shelf, or “your song” coming on the radio as “just a coincidence” or “wishful thinking”, sometimes they will drop in on your dreams.

If you really want to connect to a loved one who has died, read the article and just be open (stay alert) to however they are going to help you out and show up.

How Do I Know My Loved One Is OK?

My friend whose mother died recently was asking me the obvious question everyone seems to want to know,”How do I know that she is OK?”  Sometimes people are sick here or really suffered or had an unexpected or tragic end, and we just want to know they are at peace and not “just buried in a hole in the ground.”  We want to know that they live on, in spirit, and that they are well.

Once we die, we really do shuffle off this mortal coil.  The physical bodies we had?  Gone.  That’s what’s in the ground, if we’ve buried it, and our physical and mental problems stay there.

We return to our essence, our spirit, our basic energy.

We retain all knowledge and lessons of this lifetime and regain that of all other lifetimes.  It is reintegrated.

What we are doing here is having fun, challenges and learning lessons.  Everything that we do is like being in a vast play on a stage of our creation.

When we die, we might not be exalted or all-knowing but we aren’t limited like we are here to what is right in front of our faces.  Those of us here, when ready, can open our hearts and minds up to what is generally unseen by most.  When we do, we know that what we see is not all that we get.  There is far more going on right in front of your face that you may ever have dreamed of perceiving, even if you are very in tune and perceptive.  Some people, like my friend, are meant to see it someday when they are ready, and perhaps her mother may be the opening she needs to get started.

The point is, they are fine, it’s we who are left struggling (if we do!).  Love crosses all boundaries, and if we are truly in need, our loved ones will come.


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  1. Hi Julie

    I just finished reading this post and the other you referred to. I suppose if there was not a lot of love in the relationship one had with those that past, there would be no reason for them to hang out with you.

    My parents died in 86 and 89. My mother came, well at least I felt her presence in the bedroom. I was asleep and I woke up knowing that she was in the room facing the window. I don’t know why she was there and I didn’t move. She left about a minute later, never to return.

    I had one cat that was dead for about 2 weeks and showed up at the corner of the house a number of times and I could hear him meowing. I would look out and it would stop. When I would go outside and work in the garden I would feel him brushing past me. This lasted for about 6 months and then he was gone. When comparing experiences later both my husband and daughter also seen him from time to time. None of us talked about it at the time.

    Another cat who I also adored died in 90 after major surgery. I was devastated and she jumped on the bed and brushed against my hand, it was very comforting. She visited me twice this way. A few years later she arrived (at least I think it was her) as an opaque white cat surrounded by neon purple light. She came in the night and walked past me. The house was fairly dark and I was in the bathroom. I was totally in awe and said nothing. Later I wish I had said “Sammy”…maybe she would have looked.

    So maybe I am not in tune with those that have past. If the relationship is not there then I suppose neither of us would care. I am counting on my angels for help as I do ask for help and usually it shows up in some form or other.

    Very interesting subject.

    Mary Stephenson recently posted..My Final Post and The Reason WhyMy Profile

    • Hi Mary, I would imagine that for each person it is different. I think of my family as my tribe, and part of my soul group, but sometimes it does surprise me how much one does or does not matter. For instance, my Mom was a huge influence in my life and so I see her a lot, but sometimes someone who I had very little contact with turns out to be a very connected “soul mate” (we’ve been together many times, across lifetimes, and I don’t mean this in the romantic sense of the phrase). So it isn’t always the ones who “apparently” are closest that actually ARE closest.

      Some of us are really close with our animal pals and it would make sense that we can miss them more than the people in our lives! I am a huge cat lover and every once in a while I’ll get a visit from one of my many former cats.

  2. Anne McC says:

    Love this! And based on my friend’s passing last year, I think it’s possible they let everyone know- he died on a Saturday evening. That night while I fixed dinner, I remembered the story he had told me about when he flipped over a guy’s land rover while on his moorcycle in London on his way to work. I thought it was weird that the memory came from nowhere- and then I heard him say, ‘hey, girl, this time I
    Didn’t make it.’ Then I knew.

    It’s great that they want us to know they’re alright…my friend kept showing up in my dreams hurt or ‘broken’- I think it was his way of connecting to me based on my memory. I had a chat and told him
    He could show me what he was like now, if he wanted. I didn’t need him to replay or relive his earth body to talk!

    Oh- and honestly you are the only other person on this earth I know who says ishkabibnle. My mother used to say it too- I thought she’d made it up.

    • Anne, There’s a little synchronicity there – “my mother used to say it, too” 🙂

      That’s interesting that your friend showed up hurt or broken at first. I wonder if that has anything to do with how many times he’s tried to connect (“experience”) or more his perception of you, because usually I see people in their younger days when they were well. They really don’t like appearing in a way that is a reminder of anything sad or negative or sick or injured. Maybe that is why I never had that worry that they were not OK, because I always see them happy, well and often laughing and coming through with other loved ones. It is awesome that you can communicate with him now.

  3. Anne McC says:

    Sorry for the type -o. I meant ishkabibble!

  4. This is always fascinating for me to read, Julie! I’ve realized, over the years after losing so many people close to me that the most important thing is to be open to receiving. Then, it is as if Universe conspires to bring us the answers and help us connect with those we want to, who are no longer of this world.

    You know, I’ve been down with the stomach flu. Two nights ago, the pain was so severe, it seemed like I wouldn’t survive it (yeah, I know – sounds like exaggeration – but that’s what it felt like!) As usual, I turned to prayer because the reciting calms me down. I remembered suddenly a particular sloka my Mom always recited and amazingly, could recall the entire verse. As I recited it in my mind, I visualized my Mom gently massaging a particular oil on my tummy and I smiled at the memory of how I would grumble about how she used more oil than was necessary… that moment, I swear I felt her hand, massaging my tummy again. I touched my tummy and almost felt the icky stickiness of oil and miraculously, just fell asleep. When I woke up a couple of hours later, the pain wasn’t as bad as before.

    I believe. I stay open, always. Probably because I miss so many of those people so much.

    Hugs. I feel very soothed reading your post today, Julie.
    Vidya Sury recently posted..WritingMy Profile

    • Oh Vidya – the stomach flu! – gah! And yuck! I do remember once having that and without getting too graphic let’s just say I understand you are not exaggerating in the least bit.

      I love the story of your mother coming to sooth your tummy! How funny that this just happened to you and it was the same night that my mother came to see me. We all must be doing a lot of healing and “need our Mommies” in spite of being capable adults ourselves.

  5. Your articles Julie never cease to amaze me…..LUV them!! I also read the other one you referred to and I also always read the comments because you can always learn from others right! These two just made sooo much sense to me that I think I’m finally starting to get that what I hear in my head is not just me, even though it is in my voice. It is nice to get the validation and my spirit guides never fail to give me signs and messages via A CLEAR SIGN. I have been doubting myself, my guides, my messages….all of it, like how can this be real! And them wham, there it is….exactly what I have been thinking and feeling right there in the words on these pages! All I can say Julie is “Thank You” for your writings, you really are helping so many of us. We are out here, waiting for the next issue even though you have never met us!! Great job!!!

  6. Huge laugh as I got back from a walk. Massive random spill of Chex mix on the sidewalk. My friend used to have a thing for it (and it perplexed me lol). I wondered if it was her. Then walked and ran into a massive butterfly- huge. Seemed to barely move as I photographed it. several others too literally laying on the ground in my path. She used to watch and photograph butterflies in her backyard while home and sick with cancer. She became good at it and we’d joke she was becoming a batty old lady. I often attribute them to her. So I think maybe it was her. And I do doubt my fanciful thinking. I did read somewhere that your initial instinct/thought should be what you listen to. So there is our answer. This article was helpful reminder that our signs are literally in front of us often even literally in our paths.

    I like radio as use of confirmation as well. I haul out our am/fm radio on occasion to put in the kitchen. Plugging in the same day i got the song ‘All of my love’ (Led Zeppelin song) the refrain repeating ‘all of my love to you” and then the next time I plugged it in that day the Simple Minds “Don’t You Forget About me” on that refrain. So so funny. I have to laugh at the sense of humor of it sometimes.

    • Hi Anonymouse! 🙂 Yes, right there before us, strewn in our path, a little surprise to brighten our day and make us wonder just a bit. Always, always a sense of humor.

  7. Uncle Joe says hi.
    Jack recently posted..What Makes You A Man?My Profile

  8. Hi Julie,
    I just got around to reading your post though it came through Saturday,
    I quickly glanced at the title & thought “huh, okay.” before I turned my phone off because
    I was busy with my day & visiting with a friend home from CO after meeting a pet communicator.
    Usually your articles pop up at the precise moment I need to know something but this didn’t grab my attention. Just the night before, my husband threw me a surprise 40th bday party. I thought we were getting together with friends to talk about reviving our group of motorcycle enthusiasts. They were all there & most of my favorite people. He thought of everyone! It was a fun night I’ll never forget. That Saturday afternoon I found out a friend at my party died that morning from a heart attack at 44. Complete shock & disbelief. That night a bunch of friends decided to ride out to the city & meet up at a pub that we would frequent & that Sam would bartend. As I drove to meet another friend I was thinking of Sam & grew teary. I skipped a couple of songs thru the car blue tooth it settled on a song I love by a band we both liked. A band that Sam photographed often. One of the lines in the lyrics goes ” She said, she said “you want to go for a ride?” I felt in that moment, only hours after hearing the news, that this was his way of approaving what we were about to do. Like a nod & a wink. So here I sit tonight, looking for a distraction from the loss we feel & here is the article I thought was so insignifigant to me on Saturday. Humbled. Thank you!

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