Why Do Other People Have Influence Over You?

Effortless Joy - Share!Share on Google+1Share on Facebook0Tweet about this on Twitter0Email this to someone

Do not get upset

Other people have influence over you because you allow it.

Why Many Karmic Tied Relationships Are Ending

Have you ever felt like you might be at the end of an era and it was time to cut bait?

Have you been shocked to have that happen to you, seemingly out of the clear blue sky?

I was initially surprised by some abrupt conversations that I’ve had this past year.  Relationships that I’ve thought would be there forever came up for review.  Some came very abruptly.

It’s like the lovers who promised to wait for each other and one didn’t.  What happened, the other one wants to know?

Sometimes you’re doing the happy dance, if you wanted this person to disappear.

There are some karmic or fated relationships that have fulfilled their purpose recently.  When they’re over, they’re over.  They are unsupported moving forward because their purpose is over.

People wonder, if I’m the one who has changed, why did the other person end it?  What triggered that reaction?  I didn’t know they were aware anything was going on with me.

Well of course they did – you changed, and they felt it.

The other person is suddenly feels unsupported or uninterested because you have changed the dynamic. 

Suppose you’re the one who picks up the other person’s pieces.  As you grow you begin to maybe get some boundaries or learn how to stand in your own energy and power.  You don’t need to step into their space and rescue them, baby them, or whatever them anymore.  What’s more, you won’t.  Instead of feeling resentful and doing it all anyway, one day you just tell them no.  You keep saying no.  You might have been saying yes for years, but now it’s no.

It’s not that the other person misses you doing the tasks.

If the lack of support forces them out of their comfort zone, and you’re standing in your own energy refusing to get into theirs anymore, everything shifts.

That’s why a lot of people are getting divorces now.

Why Did This Person Suddenly Show Up In My Life Again?

Interestingly there seem to have been some people who used to be in your life and they pop back up again.  That is usually a case of unresolved karma.

No matter how intense the reunion, the circumstances change and they pop right back out of your life.  That’s because your work together is now done.

Have you had a plan or a date or a brunch or a phone call that never materializes, so you give up on it?

Say weeks, months or even years pass, and suddenly there they are, asking for that get-together.

That’s usually because something had to happen – for them or for you – and that took time.  The universe will line things up for you, but sometimes there is interference and the plans need to get shifted.

If that happens, don’t stay mad, do it.  Its time has come.

You Might Just Send The Love

My friend had her sister’s picture album from a childhood event.  They do not get along.  She heard through the family grapevine that her sister had called the photographer and had the book redone, at great expense.  My friend found the original album in her storage locker and asked if I thought she should send it to her sister.

Well sure, I’m thinking, why not?  Surely her sister would like the original, and it’s just taking up space in the storage locker.  Spend the $20 or $30 and ship it to her.

My friend thought her sister would be so angry, having just spent the money on a new book, that she’d send it to her for her birthday, just to piss her off.

I hope you all said,”Ewwww,” in your heads.  No matter how angry we might be with someone, we don’t send them hate mail, do we?

If I couldn’t send it with love, I’d wait until I could, wouldn’t you?  I also wouldn’t want someone else’s physical stuff clogging up my space (both my storage space and the space in my head).

You cannot have a bad juju tug-of-war between you and someone else if you drop your end of the rope.  It’s your recurring thoughts, your revisiting of the past in your head, that keeps things alive and percolating.  You know what that does?  That messes you up.

One Way To Get The Wicked Witch Out Of Your Life

We have a third-party who we both know and who is perpetually rude.  It’s done in the nicest way possible, but it is highly uncooperative.  We can’t avoid the person, we’re stuck with her at present.  I practice avoidance, smile when I see her, and send her love.  I know she’s got some funky stuff going on inside, and I’ve long ago given up on trying to get cooperation from her.  So I mostly act like she doesn’t exist and go about my merry way, which is peaceful for me.

My friend sees this as something she needs to do something about.  When we had another run-in, she came to me afterward and said,”Can you believe she did that?” (yes, I totally can) and,”What should we do about it?” (nothing).

I told her that I have enough to do worrying about me.  I am not going to worry about her and he mental illness or whatever is going on there.  She can be rude as rude can be and it’s like it bounces off of me.

No one can impact you unless you think they can, or unless you allow it.

It’s like when I see or sense unseen energy in or around the house.  Lately, with the disappearance of the veil (yes it does seem to be gone!) I am seeing a lot of little creatures wandering around and sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I sense someone sitting on the couch where I want to sit.  Do I panic?  Do I freak out?

No, I usually just say,”What?”  That lets them know I acknowledge them, but am not really engaging them.  I don’t have to engage them, just because they are there.  Same thing for regular old human beings.  They may be in your life, but if you’ve investigated the whys and found nothing of interest, or if you’ve had your dance and now it’s over, you can think of them neutrally.  They are just there.  Maybe they’ll get bored and move on.

Maybe you can ask the universe to bless them out of your life.

It’s not once but many times when I have asked the universe,”Hey, if it’s appropriate and everything else is equal, shall we get them a promotion or a new job (or a new boyfriend – whatever) and send them on out of here with a smile on their face?”  Often, it happens.

I don’t much feel the urge to do that anymore, because I usually don’t get that tied up in any one person at this stage, but when I did, that’s how I dealt with it.  If you cannot wish someone well and hope for good things for them, no matter how many times they’ve stabbed you in the back or done you wrong, then you are engaged with them.  Not wise.

I recently had someone act a little crazy here on the blog.  They sent emails and posted comments and were swinging wildly with their tale.  I should have known – the second I encountered them I could feel this was not someone I wanted to engage.  Out of a sense of misplaced obligation, I did for a short time.  Then they got absolutely nasty and I answered them from within my authority – over myself.  They gave me a pat on the back for my response.

That’s when I realized something important.  If I shouldn’t take in their criticism, I shouldn’t feel better from their praise, should I?  Since when do I need a stranger’s approval?

Maybe if I ever write my memoir or a funny story about my family and I want to sell it, it would be great to have a lot of people to buy it, right?  I’m not saying you don’t need anyone, ever.  What I am saying is don’t allow someone else’s opinion of you change who you know yourself to be, or how you feel that day (month, year, decade).  That IS what we do, and it will not bring us forward.

Someone on my Facebook fan page asked a funny question

“I’ve been told that I want it so bad, and that’s why nothing is happening to me, that I need to let it go. Been told that I am wanting it too much, unconsciously. I don’t realize it, but maybe I am wanting it so bad unconsciously. But I don’t know how to let go consciously.”

The thing in question is a new and better job.  The “wanting” has been going on for years.

Isn’t it interesting that “someone” put an idea into her head.  What idea?  The idea that subconsciously (you know, that place where we cannot act from our inner authority because we feel it’s hidden and we can’t get at it) “something is going on” that is preventing her from getting a job.

She might be stopped because the timing isn’t right, because the best job for her isn’t ready yet, because she’s in a holding pattern, or for a million other reasons.  The one thing that will stop her from moving toward it, for sure?  Her belief in what the other person suggested.  The sense that there is “something wrong with her.”  How can you “want something too much” if the thing is in your highest and best path?

You can be unprepared.  You can be unqualified.  You can be a lot of things that can prevent you from moving on right now.

The one thing you cannot be?  Out of your own authority, incapable of moving toward it, at least in some way.

Maybe the way is to dig up some fears and look them in the face.  Maybe she has some inner work to do.

Ultimately, don’t let someone undermine your self-knowledge and throw you into the shaming heap of “something is wrong with me.”  If people start suggesting such things to you, run for the hills.  I mean it.

If something is amiss – and look at all the examples above of misread and misplaced energies – then you absolutely, positively, without a doubt, have the power to change it.  All change comes from within.  You have the power to heal or redirect yourself.

If someone kicks you unceremoniously out of their life, consider that it may a blessing.  Maybe you can start planning for what you’d like instead?

It’s going to be good!

Keep on moving forward with your destiny.

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Comments

  1. Yes, I do feel like I’m at an end of an era with several things lately. One of which I completely understand, one I didn’t expect, but kind of understand, and one that I deeply question if it’s an end to the relationship or the end of both of our personal issues & stuck patterns that absolutely must be cleared away before anything can go forward (some of which has actually happened) or else repeat the same outcome for what’s probably been several hundred times lol.
    Also, definitely at the end of an era where letting people (well…….most people) influence me (aka mom).

    Loving this post too:)

  2. Loretta Steeves says:

    Julie,

    Loved this bunches! One of your best ever.

    (Oops! Great writers don’t really need the feedback. But we humans sure do like to give it.)

    What I really meant was Thanks.

    Loretta

  3. Love it Julie! We are responsible and in charge, and this is such a freeing truth. 🙂

  4. Thanks Julie and good luck to you too! 🙂

  5. Thanks Julie. I guess feeling like I still am in high school, homework isn’t over for me. 🙂

  6. I had to chuckle at this Julie because I’m usually the one kicking people out of my life. I’ve actually done it twice to my two best friends at that time. One I’d known for 27 years and the other 25. Don’t miss either one of them either although I have talked to and seen them since. They don’t even live in the same town with me.

    I had another friend get really mad at me and of course called me all sorts of names. You just couldn’t talk sense to the girl and I know she was dealing with a lot of “stuff” at that time. That’s all well and good but I’m the last person she should have been taking it out on. So I told her we just needed to back off for awhile and let her do her thing and we’d just be friends. I just wanted some space from her until she could deal with her issues because I was tired of being the punching bag. She said if we can’t be best friends then we can’t be friends at all so I say see ya. Yeah, she didn’t take that very well either.

    I’ve learned through my life that I take on people who are takers and not givers. I finally learned this about myself years ago so I honestly believe that’s why I wasn’t sorry to see my two friends go. The last one was really the last needy friend I had and she was a newer addition.

    I just needed to surround myself with more positive minded people who gave as much as they took so I looked at that as just cleaning out the junk. Kind of sad to think of it that way but it’s what I needed and I don’t regret letting any of them go.

    These are the things we learn as life goes on. I miss having a best friend now that the only one I had left passed away last year but life goes on right! I’m sure someone will eventually take his spot.

    ~Adrienne
    Adrienne recently posted..How Many Of Your Readers Are Using Mobile DevicesMy Profile

    • Adrienne, You are great with setting healthy boundaries – if they are a drain on you, they are outta there, right?! Oh I wish your best friend was still here in the physical for you, I know you miss him so much. One great thing about your blogging friends and readers is that no matter where they are in the world they can be a support for you. I wish you a new wonderful friend right in Houston too 🙂

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