Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio and The End of Relationships

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Some of you may be experiencing this Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio as the ending or reconfiguration of one or more major relationships.

With all of the watery retrogrades this year – Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio – there has been an underlying emotional theme.  You may not have consciously realized it, but a whole lot of interior work has been going on.

Themes have been truth, locating your interior strength, feeling into your emotions, your ability to relate to others, and the popping up into consciousness of the archetypes that are present for you and in some cases run your life.

Under this Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio it’s a time when some soul contracts are over and will be released whether you like it or not.  That means people, relationships.

You may have reached the end of your term with one of your archetypes as it played out in a relationship.  If you’ve outgrown being a blood donor to their vampire, the rescuer  to their damsel in distress, or have grown beyond being a victim, decided you no longer have a need to be scapegoated…then get ready, because this cycle is going to boot the nasties at the other end of that dynamic right out of your life.

The theme of this retrograde is JUDGMENT.

If you aren’t a big fan of seeing the truth then this may be particularly difficult.

If you don’t sink in to your emotions – or if you like to deny them when they are ugly ones – then it will be time to face the piper.  They are showing up!

People may show you their denial, paranoia, judgment, and self-righteousness in a huge way.  That’s what happened to me this past weekend and shocked me to the core.

Your best bet is to feel things come up and allow them to sit with you, no matter how uncomfortable, and to just get curious.  Why are you here, denial (or your friends paranoia, judgment, and righteousness)?  What are you here to show or teach me?  Be careful not to deny them (don’t deny the denial!) – let them have their say.

Do you have a history of having a hard time setting boundaries?  Do you feel that there is a long trend of pain associated with people controlling you, or attempting to, and you fight against that?  Or do you exercise exacting control over yourself out of fear?

The transformation in this retrograde is through looking at your fears about what’s true, seeing the judgment you serve yourself with, and recognizing the judgment others serve up to you.

It Ended With A Slap

I was extensively verbally assaulted and slapped in the face by a family member on Saturday.

Under the lunar eclipse and Aires full moon of last Friday, and a lot of other influences, it was said that all relationships that must end will, whether you like it or not, and it’s best to accept that gracefully.

Sometimes, when you are ready and the contract is over, the Universe helps it along in a most unexpected blaze of glory, memorable forever to the two little squirts aged 5 and 9 who witnessed this tirade.

The hypocrisy, the judgment, and the sheer level of volume – plus the physical attack, which was accomplished once and attempted twice – were shocking.  It was like a badger suddenly fell from the sky, through the roof, and into the living room, completely unexpected, unannounced, and unprovoked.

The fact is, I am me (just as, I hope, you are you) and the other person did not like it for one minute of the nearly two decades we have known each other.

The more I set boundaries, the more it enraged, until it came out in one cataclysmic outburst.

Lo, “Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged” Is No Joke

Stick with me for one moment for a bible verse, because it’s important.

Consider, as you read it, how you feel about judgment, both given and received.

In Matthew (apparently, I had to look it up) it is written:

Judge not, that ye be not judged,

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly…

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

The Keys That Might Tell You When A Soul Contract is Over

Some relationships will be renegotiated now.  Others are final.

One key in knowing when “an argument is just an argument” as opposed to “The End” is observing what stuff is getting thrown in your face.  Is it your stuff?  Or is it their stuff?

In this case, initially I was trying to figure out how I could be accused of being opposite things at the same time?  Could I be a slob and a perfectionist at the same time?  No, because that’s impossible.

That let me know right off the bat that the other person’s stuff was coming out and was being thrown up on me to see if it would stick.  It couldn’t.  It was illogical. Everything that was being yelled at me was the other person announcing what they think of themselves.

Another key: the person acts completely out of character (or facade). 

They break character and completely lose control.  It kind of looks like the devil or their evil twin just entered the room and is speaking through them.  This is their Truth coming out.  Everything that came before was what they chose to show you, like they were an actor in a play.  What they are showing you now is what they really were thinking the whole time.

When this happens it is a major signal that your soul contract is over – this is their way (or the universe’s) of ending it, of getting you out.

Final key: They cannot seem to stop themselves. 

You can warn them, but they cannot hear you.  Their words and actions are completely definitive, relationship-ending, no-going-back-on-this.  This is not the same thing as a renegotiation.  In a renegotiation, someone might express to you – or you to them – that you need to change the dynamics or there is a new “deal breaker.”  What came before is now no longer okay with them.  They are asking if you’ll be a party to the new dynamics, and you can say accept or refuse.

What’s Wrong With You?  Where Do You Stand On Judgment?

Here’s how I look at it: there is plenty (plenty!) wrong with me, but I don’t think of it as “wrong”…more like “areas where it has been brought to my attention that I would be potentially happier if I decided to start working on them…food for thought.”

If I won’t judge me, I certainly won’t judge your actions, because who the hell am I to know why you do what you do?  I have no idea and it’s none of my business. This is a RULE I employ, and when I break it I know it.  It gets brought to my attention.

When Are Relationships Ripe For Ending?

You don’t always need someone else to tell you when things are “just right” for an ending.  Sometimes you just feel it inside and call the whole thing good.

You can feel it when someone is telling you something that’s true about you versus when it’s all a lie.  The universe might pick out the tune, because if much of what gets said has absolutely nothing to do with you, you will eventually pick up on that.

If you’re in shame, or if a truth gets thrown out to you, you will feel it somewhere in your body (like a flush on your face or a gut churn).

If you’re okay with everything that’s being said, then you’re being judged but it passed your Acceptability Detector –“Yup, I know that’s true about me and I think it’s fine/love that about me/have my reasons.”  Then it’s just the other person’s opinion.  Maybe it’s one you don’t hold.

What have you been longing for or asking for lately?

If you ask for “better in-person relationships and closer family ties with good people,” the rotten ones will out themselves and go right out of your life.

If you’re married, you might think,”All I asked for was more friends, I didn’t ask for a divorce!” But, you did.  You said,”I want the goodness in people to show up for me,” so the universe said,”This person = only good people,” so de facto some old ones are outta there.  When you’re ready.  When your work together is done.

Set Your Boundaries – You’re Going To Need Them

If you have a hard time with setting boundaries, start small and build yourself up.  You will get tested time and time again until you are a master at it. Know that when someone engages you, it’s not always good advice to just “choose not to engage.”  Sometimes it is.  But, if this is a repeat offender in your life, just let yourself feel into it and each time, step a little bit more out of your comfort and draw a small line in the sand.  The line will grow the next time, and be a bit bigger the next time.  Eventually you can just stand there in your power and nothing can touch you.

Many of you have been tested in this area.  Former boundary-less souls, we met the soul suckers and vampires didn’t we?  Empathy does NOT help here!  If you haven’t noticed, you’ve been getting lots of practice in boundary setting, and now, during this Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio, it is your time to shine.  You may not know it yet, but many of you have cured yourselves.  You only know it when you’re tested.  You are now a master.

As an adjunct, let me point out that as you work on the inner, as you examine the shadow, and as you begin to work on and ask for what you really want, it starts showing up.  In a big way.  That might surprise you if you didn’t stop to think of how it might show up for you!

Things are showing up in new ways, and fast.  Sometimes instantaneously.   Be ready.

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  1. Hi Julie

    This does not sound like a happy post. I can feel your “final straw stand”. I suppose in life people are not always on our wave length and as bitter as it sounds, one must do what is right for them. It sounds as if this is your plan. A line in the sand would be getting hit for me. You don’t get a second chance at that.

    Sometimes we need to stand up for our own dignity and for many it is difficult. There is a change in the air and may be it is because we are all being tested with our struggles in life. So many times we will be criticized when it is the insecurities of the other person. They try to make us feel incompetent or inadequate and we have no idea where it is coming from.

    Good luck.

    Mary Stephenson recently posted..Brain Fog and How to Grab it by The TailMy Profile

    • Mary, I think what you’re hearing is the difficulty of writing this without actually telling you the story! Trust me, it is the be-all-end-all of great stories. I did want to write about it though because after it happened, I kept running into awesome people who were being made to feel “wrong” in a way that was a travesty. They wanted to know why their relatives were attacking them out of the blue, and they were worried that somehow them getting yelled at and told what to do was going to look to other family members like it was their fault. That is so much BS that I wanted to put this out there so people would know it is truly not “them vs you” but a dynamic that is allowing for the ending of relationships that deserve to die. The death in fact is completely liberating.

  2. I used to think that all this planetary stuff was hogwash. These days, I really can’t say that anymore. Lately, it seems that all kinds of crazy stuff is happening. Jokingly, I asked aloud in a moment of exasperation, “What in the world is going on? Is it Mercury Retrograde again?” And sure enough, it is. It seems to affect my world most in areas of communication. Sometimes when I try to express myself about a certain thing, it comes out in a way that the recipient perceives differently and may even take offense to, when the opposite was my intention! So then I’m having to explain myself and basically feeling like I’m deeper in the hole with every step.
    Lately, a lot of stressful situations coming at me. I’ve dealt with these kinds of things before, but not like I’m handling them now. I’m not freaking out so much. I’m going more Zen about it. On the flipside of that, though, there are other areas in which I am completely and totally Mama Grizzly Bear. Not exaggerating there. Imagine someone or something messing with Baby Bear and seeing Mama all up in their face with teeth bared, not backing down. That’s me. And I like it. There’s something about defending the weak and those who can’t speak for themselves that really empowers me. I’m learning which situations in which to stand up and draw the line and which ones to just release and let them roll off. Oh, boy, can I sure tell that a big change is coming! It’s sort of like the Big U is doing some major housecleaning in my realm and everything is being shuffled and upturned. And something says, “Hang in there. It’s about to change, and it’s going to really suck for a time, but then it’s going to be great.” I have to be willing to keep going down this path. And I am. I really am looking forward to what’s on the other side of this mess and I think that is what is going to give me the strength to get through it.
    I am sorry that you had to experience the big mess that you did, but it was probably a long time coming, and the “battle scar” that you got from it was a small price to pay for finally getting to this point and over it. One can be calm and peaceful and be Mama Grizzly all at once and times like this, one has to be. When that feeling of strength courses through your veins and your spirit all at once, by gosh, as warped as it sounds, it’s almost euphoric. You know you have the victory before the battle has even begun, throughout the fight, and after the war. You stood your ground and you did not fall. It’s hard to speculate what happens from here, but you can bet your sweet patootie that it will never be the same. And that’s a good thing.
    After all was said and done, tell me… did you ever at one point jump up and down waving your arms and shouting “Wooooo Hoooo!” Or maybe moonwalking across the living room? 😉

    • Ayla, Mercury Retrograde is the communication star 🙂

      I had made my stand with this person at the beginning of the school year. That was the liberating moment. This time I knew it was coming because they came for a visit right at the full lunar Aires moon, which is always a time of ending things that need to be ended. It was so much of a “coincidence” that I knew it would be inevitable, that it was planned and would blow up. We made it through the entire visit and they were just leaving when out of the blue they blew up and attacked me. All I was really thinking was,”Oh, here it is. I thought maybe I was wrong and it wouldn’t happen.”

  3. Julie,
    I think this is the best description of Mercury in Retrograde I have read for this retrograde!

    Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us.
    Angela Artemis|Powered by Intuition recently posted..Presentiment and the Story About the Stray KittenMy Profile

  4. kdivasilver says:

    Wow. I am glad for you that it has all come out and moved forward, but sheesh, what an experience! And I’m sorry your kids had to witness it, but that way they know for sure who they are dealing with (the other, not you!). Standing in your power, absolutely.

    I’m seeing endings at this point–a soulmate just got married (and afterwards told me he was going to call before the wedding to make sure I wasn’t still interested–enter my boundary setting of, NO, I’m glad you didn’t call, that is not how you decide to marry someone!). A friend with whom I was close has inexplicably gone retrograde herself (that is, she’s pulling away)–I was starting to feel that “friendship” was only on her terms and am getting distancing vibes from her, so I’m disassociating from her. I don’t need to be subject to her mercurial(!) definition of what a friend is. So a new boundary is formed–again.

    The next three weeks should be verrrrrry interesting… I’m just concerned about one person who is very ill–keep getting hits about him for around November 9, and am hoping I’m wrong.

    • Kathleen, Thanks for coming by, it’s so nice to see you 🙂

      I hope nothing bad happens on Nov 9 (or to your one person at all). It seems very wise to accept endings now, and especially when we can see them coming a mile away. What they are making room for should prove to be very exciting. New times.

  5. Wow Julie that was some experience. And clearly it wasn’t easy to write in a way that was understandable whilst not going into every detail.

    I can’t recall the last time I had an experience quite like this, but I always tend to look at stuff that shows up in my life from the perspective of what the essence of my desires and beliefs were. Did I want to be free of this experience, this person? Did I want to be happier? Did I want to let go of what wasn’t feeling good.

    Then I can see clearly my role in the experience. The Universe always plays it’s part perfectly doesn’t it, bringing the people and events necessary for us to be free, or happier or whatever is in our soul.
    Elle recently posted..4 Ways To Minimize Mistakes and Maximize LifeMy Profile

    • Elle, Thank you so much for sharing, you are the best 🙂

      No, it was very tough to write. Yes, I want to be free of what needs to go. Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes it takes us by surprise. The Universe was on a roll this week 🙂

  6. Well, I dunno about retrogrades and whatnot either, but I’d say that person is definitely too toxic to have anywhere near you! My my my. Onward and definitely upward! 🙂
    Jennifer Lynne Flint recently posted..A Bird in the HandMy Profile

  7. I feel your pain Julie.

    Did this happen also about three years ago because almost this same thing happened to me which is why I ended my friendship with my then best friend. It had been going on for a short while and I knew she was going through some stuff but I swear. There is no reason to chew me out when it’s very clear that what you’re throwing at me is your stuff and not mine. You can’t talk to someone logically like that. It’s just not possible. No matter how hard I tried over the next few months I couldn’t do or say anything right.

    I’m been scolded for giving up on long term friendships because we should stick with them through thick and thin but I beg to differ. There comes a time when you have to respect yourself enough to say I’m not putting up with this abuse any longer. I deserve better and this isn’t my stuff, it’s theirs. I don’t mind taking responsibility for my own actions or admit when I’m wrong but I’m not going to let you continue to walk all over me when I haven’t done anything wrong.

    Here’s the funny part Julie, I don’t regret any of those decisions and I don’t miss those friendships. Not at all so guess that proves that when the time comes, it’s just time.

    Sorry you had to deal with that too and I hate that the kids had to witness that type of behavior. That’s jut uncalled for.

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend and just breath!

    Adrienne recently posted..When There Is More Content Then TimeMy Profile

    • Adrienne, This is why I love you, you have such awesome natural boundaries! We could all take a lesson from you. So many people feel like they did something wrong, just because someone dumped on them, but you see right through that crap and wouldn’t consider for a moment making it your own.

      I know exactly what you mean about not regretting the decisions. When you know it, you know it.

      I’m not sure what might have been going on three years ago but these things are cyclical. I have at times posted things here that involve other people, and most of them appreciate it but sometimes they don’t. Those who don’t want me to express how I feel about what they have done will wait 6 months and then freak out on me in person,”Why didn’t you tell me you felt that way about the situation?” I did tell them, but they did not have ears to hear. If there is a lesson in it that I think readers will benefit from, I will write about it. It’s my forum, my boundary, and if they do not like it then they are welcome to not come by again. We will both be happier that way, right?

      I’m over here just breathing 🙂 Thanks for that!


  1. […] thought maybe, just maybe, my run-in at the beginning of the Mercury Retrograde cycle might be the major event.  Possibly the rest of the time could go by without […]

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