Archives for March 2013

Spiritual Holding Patterns or Not All Who Wander Are Lost

all that glitters

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.” 

Some big, huge changes are afoot.  I know some of you would say I’ve been staring at my belly button waiting for change for far too long, but I look at it a different way.

Last night and this morning, there has been significant movement toward resolution to some of my big picture challenges (or opportunities, depending on how you look at it).  I wouldn’t say they are done, I would just say that it is abundantly evident that certain things will be over soon, with more to come later.  Maybe some of you have noticed the same thing…a little action, more to develop at a later date.

Having gone through the Release Phase (which followed closely on the heels of the Complaining Phase), I was feeling quite optimistic in spite of a series of bad news days.

The reason for feeling quite optimistic was mainly because everything “bad” that happened was immediately answered by the universe, in some obvious and not-so-obvious ways.

“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

If your head hurt when you read that, it gives you an excellent approximation of how I feel when forced to deal with the school.

Have you ever heard of a child who is “2e”? It stands for “twice exceptional.”  That means you have a gifted child who also has something else going on, usually a learning disability.

I’ve taken to calling mine “8e” because that’s how many things are going on at the same time.

“A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it.”

There are probably about ten different things I should be doing to address my child’s needs, but since all of them are expensive, and since there are only so many hours in a day, I pick and choose my battles and do perhaps two at a time.

The lady (angel!) who runs one of those activities wrote me an email out of the blue and when we spoke she gave me a list of contacts and a free hour of her time making suggestions.  The school had just “called a meeting” and I was seriously at my wit’s end.

It was as if the universe brought me solutions before I even really knew I had a problem.

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”

Sometimes I wonder why my life has unfolded the way it has over the past few years since I stopped working a day job.  I have this idea that part of it was to give me the flexibility to take care of my kids…all those things that need to be done after school and before bedtime and are hard to accomplish if you’re stuck at work until five or six and your job is an hour and a half away from home, which was the case at my last job.

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back?”

Remember I told you that the first week in January I had three job possibilities pop up out of the blue?  I had guaranteed interviews and yet not a single one of them happened.  Every time I try to go back to work, whether it’s a significant job that would replace my old salary and provide health insurance, or it’s a diddly job at 1/4 salary that’s actually close to home, they just do not happen.  In many cases, the opening just gets closed and they never hire anyone at all.

I know it’s not logical that I can simply not find a thing, but trust me, I can’t.  It’s like the Universe has a big “NOT FOR YOU” sign in front of me that goes wherever I go, and everyone sees it.

I see it, too.  I just don’t know why it is there.  It feels a bit wrong to say,”Why yes I feel like I have this Other Thing that I am supposed to be doing, and it took being absolutely shut out of any other possibility for me to see it, but it’s still on the horizon.”  Grant you, it would solve many financial looming disasters if a simple job would just come along, but somehow I know in the back of my mind that we are being supported by the universe and I am supposed to be patient and “just be” for now.

“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost”

The nice part about being an intuitive is that I have a lot of intuitive friends, and every once in a while in the middle of a chat or a message they will drop a subtle bomb on me.

I was speaking to one such friend a while back and she asked me something like,”Do you really think that you are being sent toward your Purpose?”

The subtext was, do you think it’s possible that you’ve not been able to go back to a day job for an actual, legitimate spiritual reason?

I really don’t have an answer to that yet.

I will tell you that several people have remarked to me that I have healing abilities, but have just not accepted that or “come into it” yet.  They’re right – I don’t see it.

“The Road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say”

About a month ago I was walking in a parking lot with the family toward Lowes when suddenly I saw a black X mark flash in the vicinity of my husband’s elbow.

Not one to panic when bizarre things happen out of the blue (at least, not right away – I withhold judgement at least for a few seconds), I casually asked him,”Have you been having any trouble with your elbow lately?”

“Yeah, it’s been killing me since Tuesday.”

“Which one, your left or right?”

“Left.”

Damn.  That’s correct.  Of course, he knew that.  But, why did I?

Then last week he went to the doctor and they strongly suspect that actually he needs a new left hip.  This is typical damage done by working every day in the construction industry.  He’s only in his early 40s and most hip replacement candidates are an average age of 65, because you have to do it again every 10 years (5 if you keep working in the construction industry).  And guess what?  After surgery, you cannot lift anything for…a year.

Well that puts the death knell into his entire business, doesn’t it?

“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.”

I do feel like the universe has another plan for him.  In fact, when I was telling the story to another intuitive friend, he made the remark that it was so obvious it seemed to go without saying.  It also made me reflect that maybe I mistook the elbow for the hip, which are pretty close together when you’re walking across a parking lot.

Then he made the suggestion that maybe the reason why nothing in particular was panning out for me, and events were convening as they were, might have more to do with the fact that I simply hadn’t made the decision to choose one course of action and walk that path, with rights to change course as needed later on.

Here I am watching the signs and figuring that I’ll be sent in one direction or the other when the time is right, so many things needing to unravel and get resolved in the meantime.  Maybe I’m wrong – maybe I just need to make a specific decision, declare it, and see if things do start to show up.

It’s interesting – I have certainly done that in the past.  I’ve declared short term intentions and had things immediately transpire as soon as I pushed the “send” button.  No one would say I’m not taking action.  They might say I have too many pots on the stove and burned all the meals!  It doesn’t seem to me that any of those things are negotiable right now.

“Little by little, one travels far”

Still, any time I have taken action to make a giant leap forward in any one direction, and applied it consistently over long time frames, I can’t say I’ve had that much encouragement from the universe that it was a good choice. That’s what makes me think that this is an intentional holding pattern, rather than a self-imposed one.  I stand open for correction.  I am ready to move when the moving is good.  For now, it seems that I need to remain available to handle all the things that need doing.  There is probably more afoot that I even realize just yet.

“You can only come to the morning through the shadows.”

Have you ever found yourself in a holding pattern?  How do you react when you follow the signs and seem to be being told to wait?  Do you ever think that sometimes the lessons are in the waiting?

 

All quotes credit J.R.R. Tolkien