Archives for March 2013

Apologies, Dreams, and Birthday Goats

Smacked In the Neck With a Door

I had to lean down awkwardly to open my gym locker, because the door to the locker above and to the left was standing open.  The owner of said locker eventually moved to shut the door, at which point I stood up, and promptly got bashed in the neck by her door swinging back at me.

I turned to her and said,”You just hit me in the face with your door.”  Neutrally, I felt.

She practically yelled at me,”I was going to apologize to you for leaving my door open but I’m not going to now.  You don’t have to be so dramatic about it.”  Whoa.

Her phone rang and she picked up immediately.  She walked away to the next row of lockers to continue her call, telling them about how she was dealing with this incredibly rude woman (that’s me, folks – the one she just hit in the face with her door).

She was so defensive about her mistake.  How hard would it be to just say,”I’m sorry”?

As I listened to her phone call, I got it.

“Well I haven’t had time to do that yet…”

“Well if he would just…”

“She is totally inconsiderate and…”

Hmm…so are you.  Wonder what that’s trying to tell you?  You reap what you sow?

When something like this happens to you, take note because it’s never just about the rude person.  There’s a reason why it’s being brought to your attention.

I realized that when I do something to hurt someone unintentionally, rather than just apologize, the first thing I want to do is explain it.  “Oh, I didn’t mean that, I meant…” My husband constantly tells me how annoying that is and points out that all I need to do is apologize.  Period.  Stop.  For years that just didn’t sit right with me.  I wanted the person to know that it wasn’t my intent to be offensive, or what I meant was, or whatever.  After the gym I realized that I need to shut up and simply say,”I’m sorry.”  Nothing else really matters, does it?  Pretty simple.


The biggest sun I have ever seen.  Photo doesn't do it justice.

The biggest sun I have ever seen. Photo doesn’t do it justice.

The Lock Dream

Everything changed since last week.  I can’t go into details but let’s just say that things that have been years in the making all turned a corner simultaneously.

I had just gotten to the point that I was truly neutral about the outcome.  After I became neutral, it came to my attention that I was inserting myself into a process that had nothing to do with me.  I concluded that I had to leave it up to the other people, and remove myself completely.

The second I did that, the events occurred that changed everything.

Lots of times we think it’s about us, because it affects us, and ostensibly it involves us, but sometimes we are not part of the contract.  Once we realize it, maybe we stop sending energy at it. I’m not sure exactly how it all happens.

There are all different kinds of dreams, right?  Remember Nothing dreams.  Astral travel dreams.  Intuitive messages for other people dreams.  Working out your day in your subconscious dreams.  Visitation dreams.  Talking with your spirit guides dreams.

The lock dream was something completely different.  Maybe an Information dream?  I realized when I awoke that all of my little thoughts and decisions and epiphanies from the day before actually meant something.  They weren’t just random ideas.  They did seem to oddly hit all at once, as if they were guided.   They were turning points.  It was if I had to come to those realizations, take the positions I decided to take, and only then could 3D reality shift and change.

When I woke up, I remembered that the dream had come in three stages, as if I was attending a lecture, but I could only remember one part.  It was an image of a brass lockset, with many chambers and parts.  I saw how intricate it was, and that the lock could get jammed.  Once jammed, nothing moved forward.  In the dream, I saw an image of myself sitting on the couch the day before, and thinking my thought.  I was shown the lock unjamming.  Then I saw myself having the epiphany from the same day.  The next tumbler turned.  When I woke up, that day saw the agreement being reached that will change our lives and get everything unjammed and back on its rightful track.

I realized that instead of feeling ambivalent about the outcome, I was truly joyful about it.  Any negative aspects melted away.  Any lingering hopes for the other outcome became superfluous.  I knew that this was the right outcome and why it mattered so much in ways I previously thought were unconnected or irrelevant.

I felt like a new person who was getting a huge gift and much needed insight into how things manifest.  It’s not about the vision board (not that I ever had one), it’s about doing the work you need to do to get to the place you need to go.  That work, for me, was 10% outer and 90% inner…basically, shadow work.  I was not alone at any stage, even though I was almost always by myself.  When the time came, after about three years, I was guided to the epiphanies, but I made the choices.  That’s what I mean when I say:

You are never alone

You are the captain of your ship

Now I’ll add one more:

Factor in the other people in your life – sometimes it is all about them (and not you at all, at least not directly)

The Birthday Goat

Here are my updates to my friends about the arrival of Calico the Goat.

My husband just brought home a Nigerian Dwarf Goat against my will.

If you didn’t know, goats poop pellets that sound like rain falling, snort in a way that sounds like constant farting, and stomp their hooves when meeting your dogs to scare them off. ALL information I could have lived an entire lifetime without knowing.

In response to the inquiry, “Did you get any warning?”:

There was a sign at the front of our community “free dwarf goat.” Hand to heart. 

I told him ten times NOT to bring home a dwarf goat.  My good news hadn’t arrived yet and I was truly feeling it that we had our fill of living, breathing animal and human responsibilities.  I made the point that I was having a hard enough time managing our lives as is.  I finally proposed,”If it was between me and the goat, would the goat win?”

Obviously, I had my answer, as one night the goat arrived, hand carried by my husband.  I refused to go outside to witness its arrival.  The boys ran into the yard, three dogs trailing them like wild banshees, and instantly heard screaming the likes of which I have never witnessed.  A realization came.  That was the sound a goat makes when it is terrified and being charged by dogs.  It sounds like a human screaming!

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you

I started taking it day by day.

Magic the mastiff has been keening at this goat for two days straight to make friends. They have taken up residence behind my chair.

A friend proposed: “Who needs jewelry or something romantic for your birthday? What a thoughtful husband you have for such a unique present! Happy Birthday!”

Now they were just mocking me.

Then the good news day arrived.  On top of that, business began to pour in for my husband.  Pour.

He has one horn like a unicorn. His markings are like a giraffe. So we think he might be a Unigoraffe, a unique species that brings only good luck.

The next day:

Can’t decide if it’s the goat or the hay that’s making my allergies go crazy.

Maybe it's just the goat poop

Maybe it’s just the goat poop

Or maybe it was just the goat poop, because the goat had taken up residence behind my chair.  We separated the dogs from the poop.  I had a “surprise visit” from the owner of the goat, who pointed out that goats are herding animals and therefore should never be left alone without other goats.  He promised me that the first male baby goat born to the currently pregnant goats at his place would be their gift to me.

At this stage I advised my husband that I was going to find a way to get a condo at the beach.  A lovely place, with the warm ocean breezes instead of the smell of hay and goat poop and woods which make my allergies go crazy.  A place where they don’t allow pets. He asked me how I was going to pay for this place.  This is when I stared him down and said,”I’ll do whatever it takes,” with meaning.

He wondered why the goat was my breaking point.  Why not the whole ecological system he has going on in the yard that is a hydroponics experiment, involving fish swimming in horse water tanks, $3000 worth of aluminum and hydroponics parts, growing worms, and an entire maggot assemblage?  (And yes I will tell you that entire story another time.)

I really couldn’t say.  I guess the goat was just it.

Each day the association between the dogs and the goat got a little bit better.  The middle sized dog started stomping the ground and putting his head down as if he too had horns and might butt us all.

Then the goat peed and pooped all over the mastiff’s dog bed.  I suggested that we throw it out.  The response I got was,”When the dog poops in the yard, do we just say, well we’d better get rid of the yard?”

The owner warned me that the goat might cry and scream for a week or so because it missed its little goat friends.  Hmm…the goat hadn’t made a peep for three days.

On my birthday, the goat began to make noise.  It began to bleat (or whatever that noise goats make is called).  The goat started to run with the dogs.  Anytime I called the dogs in, I found a goat in my livingroom.  Three times I had to chase the goat out of the house.  Then my youngest son came to find me and said,”Mom, the goat is in my sandbox!”

This is what I found:

goat in sandbox

That’s the goat outside where I work, standing in the sandbox.  He is not pooping, as you might expect.  What he’s doing is looking through the french doors, into the house, at the mastiff, who you can see walking by in the foreground.  And bleating. Repeatedly.

He wants his mommy.

He will not leave that dog’s side.  The dog is arthritic, but she acts just like a new mother.  If she’s gone inside to lay on the couch, and the goat comes to the door to bleat at her, she will force herself up and come outside to tend to it.  I used to feel badly that I wasn’t giving my mastiff, who is a working dog, anything in particular to do.  Now she is run so ragged that there can be no doubt this goat is actually a godsend.

Or something.

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