Archives for December 2012

The Light Night Of The Soul

I was up early last Saturday morning bathing in the moonlight, smoking a cigarette, drinking coffee, with the Indian Ghost by my side, thinking of what’s next and the light night of the soul.

Like last week when I listed ascension symptoms without telling you what ascension is, I am going out on a limb and assuming that you all have heard ad nauseum about the “dark night of the soul.” OK, here’s a hint: it’s the time when your entire life falls apart so that you can find yourself again, in whatever your purpose is. It’s a way your soul calls to you to get off the wrong track and onto the right one. Good enough?

If someone told you they were having a dark night of the soul, don’t your mind and gut go right to “depression”, “sad” and “how fast can I get away from this person”? If you are in doormat mode you might think,”Oh, how can I help and save them?”

Well, you cannot, because though you may have a part to play or a light to shine, that person has to do their very own work to wake up and break into the light of day. No one can do it for them. Not even you. Probably that’s why we call it “waking up.”

When I was visiting with a psychic a couple of months ago down in Ft. Lauderdale, she saw that I was having a “dark night of the soul” for a number of years now and at one point she asked me if I had any questions. My gut instinct was to say that I didn’t, because I knew I had to allow things to unfold for me.

While she volunteered some answers to some of my open questions, I knew that she was speaking directly to my spiritual team, particularly my angels, and I knew that she could see that there were no “definitive answers” to some of these questions.

It’s more like,”This, if that, but That, if this.” Always fluid, always changing, always remaining to be seen by the choices we make, and maybe some other unknown or secret element at play that we are not privy to.

It’s funny – while I find that is is easy to connect with other people’s spirit guides, I always felt a bit out of touch with their angels. Sure, sometimes they appeared, but sometimes I would get a bit nervous when I thought I had to deal with a group of angels. Finally, I realized that the reason I did not feel comfortable was that I was so close to my own that it was like “the sound of my voice in my head.” When you get to the stage where you can break down the various and sundry spiritual influences you can begin to recognize what comes from whom or where…and that’s the point where it begins to get really interesting. There are parts that are so close, and always have been, but are not really technically “you.”

So as I was leaning on my wood railing that morning after a particularly cranky day the day before, it occured to me why I was drawn out into the moonlight. Have you ever heard about setting stones and crystals out into the sunlight or moonlight to “cleanse” them? Well I too was being cleansed. In that few moments I was having a mental review of all that has gone before, and I had a glimpse into another moment, perhaps a memory, but feeling a bit more “real” like a past life might. I saw who and what I used to be (I am?) a bit more clearly.

Lately all the ways that I do not serve well have been coming to mind. The moments when I am not fully present. The moments when I have 5 things and people vying for my attention all at once.

I had a phone call with a lovely person from Europe the other day, and as she was speaking my husband called me – three times in row. My first thought? “Did someone cut their arm off at the job site?” because he never calls like that. Yet, the woman I was speaking to was telling me about a deep, spiritual experience, and I was endeavoring to truly hear her in hopes of guiding her into her best place. So how could I possibly interrupt her to say,”Just a moment, can you hold?” I couldn’t.

My husband thinks I can.  I was a mite perturbed when husband said how much he did not appreciate me not picking up the line, and he gave completely valid reasons for feeling as he did. It’s one of those moments when I had to decide – do I give up what I do for what he does, because what he does supports the family financially? What I used to do no longer exists, and frankly it has been a long haul. Yet, I think there is an excellent likelihood that I was kicked out of my old life because I was not a match for the old life anymore and I had to come do something else. At the moment, that “something else” is A Clear Sign.

So how do we reconcile these things? How do we decide when we are completely up to our eyeballs and feeling like there is no possible way we can accomplish what needs to get done, our jobs, and simultaneously do what we are called to do and remain a kind, loving soul to those who are around us and to one degree or another, depend on us?

So in the end I was trying to vacuum this house and I was getting nowhere because everything – everything – was sticky.

The last couple of weeks the phrase,”How may I serve?” has been echoing around in my mind. It came back to then, as I realized I am the servant, in so many ways, not just to God but also in all the ways God manifests – like children, husbands, and businesses.

Amazing how much there is to do when you are “unemployed.” Ha!

One of the reasons why I said I was never, ever, never, ever doing one-off email readings again was an attempt to  control the chaos and take one item off my List. That was not successful.  I had to put an offer to do readings back up – albeit phone readings, which take somewhat less time.  My guides reminded me that they have always been good to me and scheduled me out as best as they could so I could avoid overwhelm.  I would get several readings in a calm week and no readings in a hectic week…and inevitably the hectic weeks were totally unanticipated by me.  But…they knew what was coming up on the horizon.

So they asked me to trust in them and gave me a nudge that I had to give a few people a vehicle to connect with me.  They said that any readings that could be done by someone else right now would be done by someone else, and that only those who actually needed me specifically would be brought through.

That promise from Spirit has held true.  Whoever you are, I suppose you will come when you are supposed to come.  There are parts of business that are “just business” (okay actually that’s not true, everything is soul-driven, but you know what I mean – there are sound basic business principals that exist for a reason).  There are other times when we just give things over – we have to hand something else the reigns in our highest good.

Other people can tell you that you “should” be able to handle everything when they have no idea what “everything” really encompasses. Only you and God know what’s on your plate, what you put there, and what you’re being asked to do or let go of.

So I am going to call this the Light Night of the Soul. Sure it may be sticky and dark and lesson-full and simultaneously exhausting and exhilarating. But all of it – all of it – is here to bring us into the light.

Plus, it just sounds better.