Archives for September 2012

Setting Boundaries and Standing In Your Integrity

Boundaries – set ’em. You’ll be happier and so will everyone else.

Last week I trucked out my story about Archangel Michael, the fire ants, and lice because the post I intended to publish had a little incident.  It was perfect and all ready to go and I pushed Publish, but it wouldn’t.  I kept getting an Error Code.  So I went back to check it and discovered that Half Of It Was Missing.

This is not the sort of thing any Blogger wants to see.  Being me, I considered why the world did not need that information.

Sure, glitches occur.  But rarely.  So here it is from another angle, based on This Week’s Events (I think that may be becoming a theme!)

You know what’s showing up for me lately?  Pushy people.  People whose energy I would prefer not to deal with, given the choice.  However it has come to my attention that I need to cement the fact (to myself) that I am actually a person on this planet and I deserve to be here as much as the next person.  I try to err on the side of being non-pushy and only get an agenda going when the rubber has already met the road.

It constantly amazes me how other people get things done in this world.  There are a million styles.  Some people are awesomely skilled at manipulation.  I mean truly – they force their energy on the world in such a way that lesser energies just take an automatic step back.  Some people don’t even realize that they’ve been hit by a Mack Truck until later on.

Here’s my take: at this moment in time I mainly keep my energy to myself.  I used to go to the ends of the earth for someone else if an injustice presented itself, or at least I thought it had.  Then I started running into people who made a lot of assumptions about me because they happened upon the information that I was an intuitive.  They assumed I was in their energy, could answer their questions, and just knew all about them – so I stayed away.

I didn’t want to be a one-man-band of explanations as to why I would never intentionally violate someone’s energy and “read” them unasked.  It started coming up so frequently that it was getting silly.

I started noticing other people’s judgements, about themselves and others.

It is a huge, huge error to make judgements and assumptions about anyone else.

I know. “How am I supposed to get through life without discerning one thing from the next?  How I am supposed to be truly nonjudgmental?  I mean, people come in and out of my life and they look certain ways and say certain things, and so how am I supposed to not react to that?”

There was a little You Tube video going around, maybe you saw it, about famous people reading and responding to some Twitter comments that had been made about them.  Nasty ones.  Imagine that.  Imagine YOUR comment hurting their feelings.  Imagine being the famous person and having people make judgements about YOU.  Now consider the Energy Exchange going on here.   Feels bad, doesn’t it?  Don’t be the harbinger of something like this.  Yes, it takes discipline.  You know how you do it?  First discipline your MOUTH and then work on disciplining your MIND.

Because you know what?  I have seen really well meaning, basically kind hearted people make the nastiest judgements without realizing it.  It makes me wince.  You know why?  Bad energy exchange is ALWAYS, ALWAYS followed up by a lesson for the Sender.  It comes right back to them and bites them in the butt.

You have to stand in your integrity.  That might feel different for every one of you, but it’s YOUR integrity, so own it.

That means setting boundaries, which is easy for some of you and really tough for the rest.

Here’s how it came up for me recently, to give you a few examples:

A woman at the gym who was just sitting there, not working out, and talking so loudly on her cell phone that people were leaving the area and I could hear her above my ear buds set on “blast.”  I chose not to leave.  I asked HER to leave.  Nicely.  With arm pointing her in the direction of the door.  Did she try to ignore me?  YES.  Do I ever ask someone to get out of my space?  NO.  Did I need the workout really badly?  YES.  Did she go away?  YES.  Did she shoot daggers at me?  DON’T KNOW AND DON’T CARE.  My energy is protected.  How about you?

I get a lot of requests to do Guest Posts and review other people’s materials, books, and courses.  Lately, since life has been so crazy, I’ve had to pick and choose and most of the time I’ve had to decline or just say,”I’ll try but no promises.”   I never, ever recommend anything to you without trying it out for myself or reading it first (unless I say hey here’s this free thing I think might be cool, try it out and let me know what you think).  To me this is logical, basic business sense, and I have never, ever had anyone ask me to promote their stuff without giving me the stuff to look at.   Remember that whole ” your Word is your Bond” thing?  If anyone ever recommends something to me and it’s a pile of crap, guess what?  I never take a recommendation from them again.  This week I had someone ask me to promote their project, sight unseen.  I said no.

I had someone do a reading for me and present me with a bill.  The interesting thing about this was that there might have been a miscommunication, and I was willing to own up to my part in it.  When I checked though, I realized that the last thing the person said was to “let them know” if I wanted a reading, and I hadn’t let them know.  Therefore, the fault was theirs.  Under other circumstances I might have relented, but I felt this was a violation (see above, do not ever get into someone else’s energy without their explicit permission).  The message I got back was that I wasn’t ready for the information and that’s why I was resisting it.  No, sorry, guess again.  Me?  Really?  This is how it works: my Team gives me what I can handle, when I can handle it, and not before.  Did you really do a reading on ME and my energy, or did you send me a boilerplate?  I have my answer. ( I just got that – and that’s what was missing from my Errored Out/Half Missing post.  Clarity.)

I’ve noticed lately how many people in my personal life have been coming to me to solve problems that seem unsolvable (insofar as there is nothing I can personally do about them).  I believe people only come to me for a reason.  If the reason is not that I can help, then what is it?  It might be that the conversation always ends with why they can’t solve it, either.  How they aren’t setting their own boundaries.  Interesting how there have been a parade of people showing me just how they are weak.  Maybe, just maybe, I can show some of them what it means to be strong.  For themselves.  I am out of the business of doing it for them.  Setting a few boundaries of my own, but glad to help.  Pay attention when unsolvable problems show up for you – there’s another reason, something you are supposed to understand.

How are you at setting boundaries?  Do you go in, guns blazing?  Sit on the sidelines?  Get run over?  Do people show up in your life to Resist You – a good sign you need to “set your boundaries of what you are available for” (in the words of Astrologer Tom Jacobs)?