The Puzzle Of Synchronicity And Setting Personal Boundaries

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“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.  The hands can’t hit what the eyes can’t see.” – Muhammad Ali

There were so many articles that I wrote last year about the various way FEAR. sneaks up on us and how to beat it into submission before letting it fly free.  Release of fear is a wonderful thing.

Not to be outdone, the universe had another big lesson for me that popped up to be dealt with before the year was out.  It was about anger, selfish acts, resentment and unjust behavior – and how you respond to them when you feel or encounter them.  Perhaps this is something some of you will relate to.  What do you do when this comes up for you?

Set Your Boundaries and Keep Them Firm

If you don’t, you’re apt to inadvertently give up all your power.

The strongest among us, dare I say especially parents and spouses/partners, can get beaten down under “obligation”, “necessity”, and “who else is going to do it if I don’t?” ways of thinking.

The way this showed up for me was a brilliant shower of arguments with others that took me completely by surprise.  They were brief, brilliant, and gone in a matter of a few days.

Here’s what it looked like:

  • Someone did not take action and I was left in the crossfire to fend for myself, even though it wasn’t my business and I wasn’t in charge of making the rules.
  • I was told I lacked qualities that were precisely the qualities the other person lacked (mirroring).
  • I had difficult conversations with people who refused to listen to the words I was saying and interrupted me to say that I was interrupting them.
  • I was stopped from speaking after I’d gotten out a word or two and the other person started berating me for being a terrible communicator.
  • I was let down by people so selfish that they didn’t care about disappointing children.
  • I was forced to accept help that I didn’t want, which created an argument, and then the help never came.
  • I had someone come into my home and take it upon herself to “re-do” work I had already done, her way – which resulted in a major inconvenience for me when I had to right it.
  • I was asked to make a long term financial commitment that I would be reimbursed for – except that this person always “forgets” when the bill comes due.

Clearly the universe was telling me that if I did not draw a line in the sand, I would be trampled.  More importantly, I would FEEL the EMOTIONS of being taken advantage of, and either shove them down or resolve them.  In resolving them, I was going to have to speak up and risk alienating people who I can’t just eliminate from my life.  In other words, I was going to have to deal with it, for once and for all.

Just as I was putting two and two together, I received a Soul’s Journey soundbyte from Tom Jacobs at www.tdjacobs.com that reiterated this major lesson for me.  He said:

The next step in your evolution cannot occur unless you find the right people to trust…you’ve had to fight to be exactly who you are as other people have overpowered you and disallowed you from living by your own value system…you have people who can’t let you be free enough to do what you came here to do…some aggressive people who cannot see you, who are only concerned with their own needs and who make demands on you…you must set boundaries of what you’re available to experience, not a line they can sometimes cross.

If I had heard it from Tom before I understood it for myself, it would not have made as much of an impact.  But, having it come the exact same day that I came to my own realization really brought it home for me.

A few days later, I was wishing happy new year to a friend who lives at a long distance and he said to me,”You are surrounded by people who don’t show you the respect that you deserve.  You are smarter and stronger than that and they just don’t want you to believe it or see it.”

That’s interesting isn’t it?  We all know that I was the one who put them there.  I chose to engage with them.  I was forcing myself to learn this.  Not them.  Me.

I could look at this as an opportunity to choose who I interact with more wisely, to learn to share, and to learn to integrate other people’s ideas.  And, I can learn to accept the truth that some people cannot accept the help that I offer them.  Interesting, I thought, that as Tom said, some people are here to test other people’s boundaries.  I have found them!  Now I must learn to live with them so I can do what I came here to do.

I am glad to finally put the Boundaries lesson behind me intellectually and move into dealing with it in a midful way.  You may have a different lesson than this, but I hope you can see the process:

If you recognize what’s holding you back, and you are promised the fulfillment of your mission as the reward, that’s a significant incentive to get it right.

 I usually find that when the universe screams at you to understand and move past something (sometimes by hitting you with a One, Two punch until you resolve it), you are going to need that for what’s next on the agenda, lest you miss it when it comes along.  Usually things like this are BIG.

So, I am excited to see what’s being served up next and quite glad to have that behind me. While it’s in the process of “going”, I will simply remember a lesson I learned long ago:

HE WHO CARES LEAST, WINS

That doesn’t mean that we don’t “care”.  It just means that you have to know who you are and why you are there.  Then, no one has power over you except yourself.

Which of course, is exactly as it truly is.  Everything else is but an illusion.

Let’s all remember that as we move forward to embrace our personal power.

If you have not visited Tom Jacobs’ site and received your own Soul’s Journey Soundbyte, I suggest you do it post haste.  It is very affordable and may very well be life changing.  Promise.  Just go to www.tdjacobs.com and tell Tom I sent you.

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing! I couldn’t agree with you more and I have just learned a similar lesson myself! Sometimes it is about taking responsibility for our own feelings, not giving the power away, and being true to who we are. As difficult as it may seem, if we hold ourselves in the highest regard at every moment, and have faith that this is of the utmost importance, we will come out sucessful. 🙂
    Andrea recently posted..A Great Read About 11-11-11My Profile

    • Hi Andrea,

      Agreed. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, but it does appear to be a necessity. I am amazed at how much progress I have made since realizing this had to be done.

  2. The Vizier says:

    Hi Julie,

    The people whom we surround ourselves with can either lift us up or bring us down. Yet at the same time, they are also there to teach us lessons we have to learn.

    Knowing where to draw the line can be difficult. But it is a lesson we must all learn well to avoid having our beings stifled. When I was younger I tried hard to please and to fit in. But somewhere along the way, I stopped caring what other people thought and just stayed true to myself. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Nowadays I choose my friends carefully, avoiding the toxic ones.

    While I have learned to think for myself, this does not mean I tune out all advice. I always make it a point to listen just in case there are some insights I might have missed. But in the end, I draw my own conclusions and decide what I must do.

    Thank you for sharing this lovely article!

    Irving the Vizier
    The Vizier recently posted..The Vizier on Dealing with GuiltMy Profile

    • Irving,

      It’s so interesting, because I gave up on “what other people think” (in general) ages ago. But, I ran into a brick wall when the people involved pushed their agenda onto me and got me involved in a way that I couldn’t avoid dealing with them and confronting the situation. Apparently something in me hates confrontation! I guess I knew that on some level. I did learn a lot from this – living with other people and families and all that jazz isn’t always a cake walk! Thanks for the insights 🙂

  3. As I’m reading, I’m thinking, “I don’t think I’ve learned this lesson yet.” Can I skip the hard parts and just apply the lesson you learned to my life? I hope so!

    I’m a Tom Jacobs fan, too. I love Intuitive Astrology – sense I’m heading in that direction, eventually…
    Lindsay recently posted..Soon This Space Will Be Too SmallMy Profile

    • Hi Lindsay,

      I agree – intuitive astrology is pretty fascinating, on the face of it. I would be interested in learning more about it, because I was impressed with the results. And, though this was the first time I interacted with Tom (from a recommendation of Lisa W), I have to agree that he not only nailed it, but the universe lined that one up for me.

      I dunno – maybe this isn’t a big lesson for you at all. But if you do run across it now you know what to do 🙂

      • YEY! I’m so glad I converted another person to the Tom Jacobs fan club! I took a Family Dynamics course with him last year where he channeled Ascended Master Djheuty in our sessions and it was so helpful and on target. I got a lot from working with him. He’s doing great, big work! 🙂

        Excellent article, Julie! I am so so good with boundaries in my professional intuitive life but am still learning in my personal life. My coach asked me to really give some thought as to why that is and how I can step into that same energy I have in my business in my personal life.

        (Love your stuff! Am a big fan!)
        Lisa at Practically Intuitive recently posted..Podcast #27: Aint no shortcuts, no-howMy Profile

        • Hi Lisa,

          Awww, thanks (blushes) 🙂 I was so very impressed with Tom’s work – 15 minutes can impart a lot if you are ready for it!

          Stepping into that energy in every situation was hard for me. I was the same way at home as I was at work – always the one who everyone thought was an overeducated, overpaid snob when I was young (and just shy and “stay away from me” empathic), so they stepped on me and I was never “in on it.” People stole my ideas all of the time. I never was truly in the right place except when I blended well at Fortune 500 companies. I guess I was afraid of being disliked even more? IDK. But really the risks run quite high at home, too – family, divorce, contention with in-laws, etc etc. It really took me to the point of “I do not care what you think or how this ends up. I simply MUST be me, period,” and that’s when everything changed.

  4. Todd | Channelingmyself says:

    Hi Julie,

    That is a great lesson for all of us to learn. Too many people either are the ones letting their boundaries get violated or the ones doing the violating. I used to be the one always giving in now I’ve at least gotten better at saying no.
    Todd | Channelingmyself recently posted..Embrace Infinite ConsciousnessMy Profile

  5. Such a beautiful text! I totally agree, releasing fear is one of the most difficult things in life. But, fortunately, it could be learned. These skills can be upgraded with practice. I do love the first sentence from Muhammad Ali.
    Cindy recently posted..Problems with wisdom teethMy Profile

  6. Bryan Thompson says:

    Hi Julie, this is a great post about boundaries. The sad truth is that most of us don’t even KNOW what the boundaries are for us so we can’t usually set them UNTIL someone has crossed one. THEN we know it. “Ouch, that hurt. I wasn’t expecting that.”

    The place we have to be careful about is letting those crossed boundaries continue to wound us long after they’re gone. Yes, put the boundary there, but not a full wall. I think there’s a way we can put clear boundaries (and be clear about it for sure) and not shut people out of our lives. That is often the challenge, I think. Great food for thought.
    Bryan Thompson recently posted..How Running Can Be the Cheapest Therapy EverMy Profile

    • Hi Bryan,

      Agreed. The beauty of it is that you can draw a line in the sand and stand there all on your own, yet still chat with those on the other side 🙂 If you erect walls it is self defeating. The purpose is not to hide or shut out but rather to accept more because you can, when you’ve stood firm.

  7. Oh Julie… I wished I could give you a hug, after reading your post. I also had my own lessons to learn about giving away power and cementing my own boundaries, before the end of the year… BUT, kudos to you for paying attention! and kudos to you for learning the lesson, and protecting yourself!

    Good post. It will be interesting to see what comes along next…

    Kara
    Kara recently posted..Take Care of Yourself During the Holidays + Intuitive Stocking Stuffers!My Profile

    • Hi Kara,

      I was amazed by how many people wrote to me to say the same thing. Sometimes the universe boots us up for the next phase, all at the same time, I guess 🙂 I’m interested, too. There are a TON of things going on here right now. Should make for an interesting month or two.

      I feel tremendously better after the experience.

  8. I’ve always wondered why we aren’t taught the things that really matter like this in school???

  9. Fred Tracy says:

    “He who cares least, wins.” I’ve heard that phrase a lot of times before, and it’s quite often true.

    Personal boundary setting is something that I really enjoy doing. I’ve written on it a few times before as well. Without boundaries we’re likely to let ourselves get trampled over again and again. Like you’ve experienced, some of our hardest moments are there just to teach us our greatest lessons.

    I think anyone who is good at setting boundaries has had lots of problems with them in the past, and has grown to fix them. Besides, I think you are already pretty good at this. Take the “I would never sleep in a claustrophobic 98 square foot bedroom.” That seemed like a definite boundary of yours, lol.
    Fred Tracy recently posted..14 Day Trial – Increase Your Savings RateMy Profile

    • Hi Fred,

      If you can go into any negotiation caring least, it almost guarantees victory. Then you’re not in the position of fearing what you’ll lose if it doesn’t bounce your way. Room to move is always a good thing.

      Yup, I’ve read your stuff on this topic. Lessons seem to be coming fast and furious these days.

      I am EXTREMELY good at protecting other people and calling it like I see it when it doesn’t matter (that bedroom, for instance!) but it’s tougher when the stakes are high. Never higher than when it comes to family, I don’t think.

  10. It really wears you down doesnt it! I know the feeling all too well.

    I think that the best thing most people can do, myself included, is get away from negative people.

    The people who tell you that you cannot do things or mock and knock things, they hold you back and take happyness in seeing others fail. They do not fail as they never attempt anything for themselves!
    Dax recently posted..PC TV TunerMy Profile

    • Hi Dax,

      Yes, that may be true sometimes. It depends upon the worthiness of your opponent, I think. Some people, say at work, can just be draining and of the do-nothing, dream-nothing mentality at this time. Let me tell you, I went up against some TOUGH people recently – extremely successful in their own right, which is kind of a horse of another color. There is all kinds of toxic, I guess.

  11. Wow Julie, what a powerful post. Setting boundaries can be tough when all the we truly want is to be loved. I think this is where the fear comes in for setting personal boundaries, well at least for me.

    I will go over and check out Tom’s site.
    Justin Mazza recently posted..Peter G James Sinclair Self Development Mastermind CourseMy Profile

    • Hi Justin,

      I hope you find Tom’s site interesting – evolutionary astrology is new to me but pretty fascinating. I don’t get a dime from the referrals; I just think it’s That Good.

      Sure, it could be wanting to be loved or fear or something else, too, depending on the setting. People often find it easier at work OR at home, but not both – so the question is, what are we afraid of?

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