We Walk Together

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It stuns me at times, the loves that have come into my life since I stepped away from my long-term marriage and began building a new life.

I tell my friends I love them, like my children and like a lover and like my dogs and cats and God.

Each soul is so critically important on our journey, because even if they are in our lives for just a moment, they contribute something we need as we contribute something they need.

Maybe they just need to give.  Maybe to receive.

Maybe both.

Maybe something else entirely.

We don’t know until we try.

My dear friend Paul is putting his beloved dog Bernadette down today, after 14 years of togetherness.

My beautiful children are returning tonight after 8 weeks away from their home and their pets and their mother, because spending time with their father and his new wife, meeting their new baby sister, is the deal my ex-husband and I struck.

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The last few weeks have brought a new beautiful soul into my life, someone I knew I would know well, from the moment I locked eyes with him.

I saw the past and the future there, knew I had known him before, and without knowing why exactly, was aware I would know him for a time, now.

Why do we need each other?  What will we bring each other?  It’s always a mystery.  Something is there that we need, so we walk together into the future, into the great mystery, into the unknown, willing to find out.

When I first met Paul probably twenty or more years ago, I remember the exact moment, I remember what I thought of him, but I don’t remember the first time I locked eyes with him.

Lately, the people I have met have it all in the eyes.

When I have met others in the last two years, the time when I was consciously aware I was going to have to completely rebuild my life, even though technically it had started a year prior,  it is a conscious and careful choice that I make.

Any boyfriends or even friends that come to my house, have to pass the scrutiny of being soul friends, and I see it in the yes and feel it in the way in which we meet.  It’s the timing, it’s how others fall away even if temporarily, to make room for them to come into my life, for me to adequately consider them, to my satisfaction.

I can sense who will be important.  Sometimes for a time I will wonder if I was wrong, because they disappear.  I say to myself,”Hmm, that one should have stayed, I wonder why he went?”

Then I discover later that they have come back.  Maybe it is their timing, maybe it is mine, but either way it is divine timing.

I just make space.

I have noticed trends where people who were around a year before come back, seemingly forgetting about me, like they don’t remember meeting me the first time.  I know these people are unconscious, because frankly if they were paying any attention at all, they would remember me.

So I easily see they are not the ones for me.  They tend to come back in clusters, like 3 or more at a time, each one of the theme that I could call the same, the “don’t you remember me” theme.

It just reasserts for me a time of choosing again.

I choose to say no to each one again, or say nothing in response if I thought they were scary.

I also am saying “yes” to me, saying I am willing to wait for the right people, and I have no room in my life for the wrong ones.

I would much, much rather wait.

I Love You And I Have Come To Test You

It is always a time of testing and mirroring and reflection when our soul partners come along.

I have so many questions and I withhold them until the time is right.

When it is right, it will come pouring from my lips and the other will have their chance to respond.

I have coaches in my men friends, the Virgo was so gracious this week when another man walked more seriously into my life.  He told me he was happy I was happy.  I joked that it took long enough for me to find a match and he said,”I was thinking the same thing!”

When I told Paul about this latest friend, explained the kind of exchanges we have, how we sweetly fight back and forth, arguing over silly things like how a word is or is not pronounced, and how this man answers every question with a question to the point of driving me mad, he laughed.

I have met a match.  Not “the” match, but “a” match.

So with closed or opening hearts we say “this is what I am here for” and then we find out how true that really turns out to be.

I don’t think we ever really know what it will become, we just know at first what we are willing to allow.

Some part of us, the soul aspect, knows what the contract is.

Just for a moment, for a meeting, for a lifetime, for a month, we will stay together, as family, as friends, as loves, and we will learn from one another, we will enjoy each other, we will partner, we will part, we will do our dance, each one of us with the other, until the thing we came here to do is done.