About 9pm, it was pitch black in the woods except for me all lit up on the porch with my laptop in my hand, about to shut it down for the night and put the kids to bed. The little white dog started to whine in her,”Let me chase it and kill it for you!” way, when I heard it.
Just off the porch and slightly behind me, there is standing water in the yard from all of the unseasonal rain.
Splash, splash, splash, splash went the sound on the water. Someone, or something, with between two and four legs was slogging through the high grass.
Bigger than a breadbox, this thing was not small, or the pace would have been faster and the sound different. By the time I got inside to turn on the floodlights, it was gone. It was either a human, which would be extremely creepy and unlikely in this location, or something the size of a deer or bigger.
Except we don’t have deer here, we have foxes, bobcats, panthers – sights almost never seen. We usually get the small stuff – raccoons, sandhill cranes, hawks, owls, vultures.
My older son said,”I wish you hadn’t told me that,” and we went to bed.
I’m feeling perkier since the Goat Toe Malaise of the last couple of months. I’m not sighing as much when I look at the interior and exterior mess that I am getting energized to take a stab at. I’m holding out hope that my neighbor will be able to help soon.
Did I tell you about my neighbor? I feel like you all have missed out on so much while I was kind of silenced here, all the juicy bits left on the cutting room floor. She was my house and dog sitter while I went overseas to see my husband over the summer and she is competent with house repairs and cleaning, except that right after she left here she had a mysterious fall and couldn’t get up. She ended up in rehab after the hospital, for three weeks. One day, maybe, we’ll work side by side on the weekends and I will pay her and my load will be lightened.
The little guy has a cavity, the $5,000 dog-that-was-hit-by-a-car isn’t using his rear leg again suddenly this past week, and I’m noticing just how often I need to leave work early to take care of personal things like dentist and veterinary surgeon visits. I’m perplexed by how people manage their time as single mothers who must work, because there is no schedule that wouldn’t piss off a boss.
It’s Saturday morning and I’m making my oldest drink ice water for his impending second-try for a blood draw at the doctor. The rooster has crowed, the donkeys are braying, the horses are neighing, and the dogs in the distance are barking, while my injured one lays at my feet.
I used to write about the lessons I found in the week, and I’d like to do that again, ease myself back in amongst the chaos of an ordinary life. I mainly need to leave out the part about my husband, but I can say that he’s been gone almost 4 months now and I am very hopeful he’ll make an appearance at the homestead finally in October. He has a ticket but what he doesn’t have is time. He has been working nonstop it seems and could use some downtime. He would take my complaints list and turn it into a holiday – it would seem like nothing to him, and he’d be done in a day, he’s efficient and energetic that way.
Well, it seems that I’ve been asked to dip my toe back into old energy as a favor, and I have refused, after careful consideration. I feel guilty to say no, when it would help someone I care about, but there are certain people and situations that we do not need to relive once the lessons are learned and the boundaries set.
I had to say no, acknowledge the guilt that really does not belong there, and let the chips fall where they may. If they fall. Just because they have always fallen in the past, does that mean they need to keep doing so? I don’t think so. I think this is a time when we can let go of old patterns and set an intention that only joyful good will come out now, because we have changed. One little change to the dynamic should or at least could bring a different outcome.
There have been people irking me by asking for help and then, once I have said okay, they don’t follow up, call back, or answer my questions. It’s like a friend who asks for a favor and then once you’ve said,”Yes, I’ll help you move,” they never set the date or call you back or say thank you. In this age, we know when someone has received our message, so there is no guessing here. They drop their end, fail to respond, and they started it.
I appreciate friends who hate talking on the phone and don’t call back for three months. Okay, friend, I have ONE friend who I let get away with this and do not resent. There are others who I know hate to talk and I never reach out to them, I just allow them to cruise on by when they feel like it.
But the ones who reach out and then drop their end of the line annoy me, and interestingly I’ve had some who I go way back with, show up in droves lately and then disappear. The sheer number of times this has happened in the last month brought it to my attention and awareness, and I don’t know what lesson there might be here other than to drop my energy attachment to it and let it go.
Everyone has been asking me when my husband is coming back, to which I have to honestly say,”He isn’t.” Or at least, he’s happy down there and I hope he will stay that way. They want to know what we will do, to which I can only say that a family belongs together and if you do happen to have two parents available to raise two young children then you had better damn well use them while you can. Otherwise you wake up one day and they are adults and you have missed your chance.
The implications of this are so big that I just wonder, is life meant to be lived as an adventure? Because this surely will be one!
One last thing before I jet off to the doctor. What do you think of your daily life? How important is it to have Things To Do or Resources Nearby or Places To Visit? If you are in a remote place, instead of a city, do you think you have everything you need?
If I think about it, I don’t often take advantage of much. I enjoy the woods, love the beach, and other than taking the kids to school, going to work, arranging playdates, or seeing Grandpa, we don’t technically do that much.
I wonder if it would make much difference on an island where there isn’t much else to do?