What do you really feel about the year you just had?
Tim Brownson at A Daring Adventure posted a question the other day, “What is the ONE problem that if you overcame it before the end of 2103 would have you thinking it’s been an awesome year?”
First I laughed, because that little typo made me realize that by 2103 I will be dust and long gone!
But thinking about 2013, I had to answer him, ”I’m already there. Tough year, but full of gratitude and miracles.”
Can you really answer with anything else? EVERY year is awesome – you are here, you did things, you moved forward even as you (sometimes) moved backward, you grew, you learned, you maybe embarrassed yourself a few times. If there wasn’t a reason for it, you wouldn’t still be here!
This year I…
Lost my house. Hooray! After three years of being terrified about HOW I would lose it, WHEN I would lose it, and that I was losing our life savings in the process, it finally was sold. I didn’t have to show it anymore. I didn’t have to worry about changing school districts. It was done and decided and I could take the enormous emotional and mental energy behind the whole thing, set it aside, and be done with it.
Had one of my children taken from the “gifted” program and go into a “special” program at a new school. Doesn’t sound good, does it? But…the meetings, the cost of the Advocate, the energy and effort and decision-making and investigation behind the whole thing…behind me. And as it turns out, I didn’t need to be worried about losing the house in the great school district because he got moved to a different school anyway! Yes, it means I drive two kids to two different schools every day that are very far apart, and yes it is a giant pain in the ass, and yes I sometimes wonder why they didn’t catch this two years earlier. But you know what? This kid, this prodigy with an IQ higher than me and the next guy put together, who has some learning disabilities to work through…he is doing well. Not only that, but he spontaneously shared with me the other day that when asked at school what was the best present he ever got, he said,”My new school, because I love my new teacher.” He is flourishing.
Went back to work in insurance. Right at the moment when I lost the house because I lost my job and couldn’t get another one for three years…on the same week that I had the final call with the lawyer to settle the sale of the house, I got to tell her,”And guess what else happened this week?! I finally got a job!” She and I had a good laugh.
You could look at those things and think,”What a shit year!” or you could look at those things and think,”Finally, major problems that all needed to be resolved are now over, and all of that energy can be put to better use.”
The fact is, you WILL have times when you’re put into stasis, when the world will stop when you tell it you want to get off, when you are put into a spiritual holding pattern. Don’t get too cozy there though, because you will eventually get tilted off the merry-go-round and sent flying back into the belly of the beast, so best not to eat dirt but instead, fly.
Honesty and Truth?
Barring those moments when it’s best to keep your mouth shut, how often are you straight up honest?
Most people aren’t.
They can’t be bothered, or they are afraid of the fallout, or they just don’t care about you enough to say what they really feel. I have always considered that a major disservice, and it often leads to gossip and talking behind people’s backs when you don’t have the guts to tell them to their face but somehow it is okay to share your true feelings with someone else? That is something that, if you find yourself on the receiving end of such a conversation, you should think about it hard before you decide to continue.
I remember years ago I had a Soul Realignment reading done and it said I was “100% aligned with Divine Truth.” That always makes me laugh because yes I did get a giant dose of honesty and not so much tact. I admire people who can truly lovingly deliver not so happy messages to others. There have been many times in my life when I realized I had just been insulted but I couldn’t even get miffed about it because it was a truth I needed to hear and absorb, delivered in this beautifully wrapped package of loving kindness. That is a skill we should all be blessed with.
I only bring the issue of truth up because it feels like constantly in the last few weeks someone has been telling me some version of,”I love your honesty.” That’s Code for,”I can’t believe you just said (or admitted) that.” But…why not?
I’ve seen several bloggers come out over the last week and fully admit that they had been hiding some crucial part of themselves for fear that their audience would shun them (or not buy so much, or not consult with them) if they only knew the truth.
That is foolishness, right there. It’s great that they finally said whatever they needed to say, I guess, but why wait so long?
You don’t have to share all (or any) of your secrets with the world, but you shouldn’t hold in secrets either. If it’s part of who you are and if you feel like you are shamefully hiding something for fear of condemnation, then you do not have the right audience or you are simply evidencing that you knew something deep in your soul and found it shameful, which is sad. The cure for gut-clenching fear is always to turn and face it, let it out. Admitting things (to yourself, to others if need be, but mainly to yourself) will set you free. Who doesn’t want to be free from what’s binding them up?
If you admit something and then follow it up with,”…and this is why you should (still) buy from me!” – that just rings so false and sad. If you want to sell something, you know what works? Your genuine skills and self. When you hide things, when you have regular fear in your gut, it shows…people, no matter how kind, instinctively are turned off by that. On the other hand, if you admit that you are having a problem, most of the time people offer…help.
I don’t mind admitting what some people might view as faults or problems. I won’t say you have to “think positive” or “guard your thoughts because they become reality.” What I will suggest is that forcing myself to look at everything in a bright light by insisting that I change my internal thoughts and voice DID ultimately help me to turn a corner from mostly negative to reboundingly positive…and that just makes me a happier person…inside, and to be around.
When you think back over this year, and inevitably you will be asked to do so about 1,000 times in the next couple of months, try spinning it in a positive light. What did you learn from it? Why do you think it was put in your life? Even if it was something that didn’t show up…why not? Did something better or at least different come in its place? Or did you just make space for it to come later on?
There is no problem with not being “there” yet, in not having figured everything out yet, in not having produced “it” so far…after all, you’re still here and you still will be while you have things to do. No shame in that. It gives us all something to look forward to.