“Every man has a sane spot somewhere.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
I have been triggered left and right this Mercury Retrograde in Aquarius by all of the Haters and Crazies, showing up to force me to take a stand (within myself, not to them necessarily) about how much bullshit I can and will accept, and what else I might do with it when it’s slung at me.
Literally walking around saying,”That is some BULL!” with at least ten exclamation points after it, to every story others were telling me and to my own story, left me knowing that something was up for review within us but not knowing exactly why it was showing up to test us.
Enter Robert Ohotto and his Mercury Retrograde in Aquarius series, and half way through I (thank God! Because it was making me crazy!) have an answer to the what and the why. Now it’s just down to the how.
Listening to The Ohotto, it occurred to me that because I am “all up in it” when I get attacked, in spite of trying to blow it off as nonsense and just move on, I have to resolve dealing with the haters in my Normal Roles (as an insurance agent and a mother) before I can move on in the part of life that’s calling me out (writing about intuition and family life…and who knows what else down the line, since this is just the beginning). If I can take the hits in the areas where I am secure, that could be a training ground to take the hits where I really care about it – my writing and counseling/intuitive work and wherever that is leading me to You.
I know deeply that I have a mission, but there are a lot of forks in the road that can lead me there. Maybe I learned how to be a professional intuitive so I could begin writing again.
Maybe I have written the blog for the past four years so I could teach or so I could meet some of you, or so I could learn from you or all of the above and some other things, too.
The “thing” that is calling me out is undefined. It may have nothing to do with writing, intuitive arts, teaching, or counseling, ultimately. Those may be my dabbling areas that get me to do something as simple as run a cat sanctuary where they are overrun (a long held dream), but I doubt it. That may just be a future project that requires me to get ballsy to fundraise, and maybe I learn that skill here in this training ground.
The part of life that’s exciting is that we just don’t know where we are going and what impact it is going to have. Who will meet us or read us and then go forth and change everything?
I never wanted to be a writer to be famous or validated as some kind of talent, per se. It’s just one of those things I have always done and will continue to do, and it serves multiple masters.
Ultimately, we birth our babies and get them out to the reader, the ones that may be sparked into greatness in all of its many forms, just because one idea caught fire in them, or it provided the last piece of their puzzle, maybe.
That seems like success to me. That is the point, isn’t it? It may be just a one-line quote we create and it becomes famous as a catchphrase – to motivate others to carry on. Maybe it’s a song we write or a picture we draw. It could be a story that makes people laugh so they can rise and with a smile get on with their own mission. It may be an idea, like the ones I get from Ohotto, that are like seeds that germinate and illuminate. It may be MANY things to many people, because we all touch people every day.
Truly there is a web of interconnectivity out there and in here – everything you do ripples, sways, impacts, matters.
Everything is of Service.
Mostly, you have no idea how you have impacted another, but in your every movement, you do.
Even the bitches and the rude and the nasty people who take their crap out on you are here for a purpose, and sometimes it is a valiant one – they impact you, you feel it, and you change. Blaming them is futile. You may as well thank them, bless them, and sometimes, as in my case, have your Florida Panther or Amercian Mastiff eat them on the days when you just are too worn out to take it all in and do something about it.
Mostly, just remember your uniqueness is what is here to change the world. That’s your impact. Forget the boring part of you that makes you like everyone else, the unexamined parts. Celebrate the quirky part of you that thinks “I can, I must and I will”, and then go do it.
A Walk In The Woods
You have no engagements, commitments, obligations, or duties; no special ambitions and only the smallest, least complicated of wants; you exist in a tranquil tedium, serenely beyond the reach of exasperation, “far removed from the seats of strife,” as the early explorer and botanist William Bartram put it. All that is required of you is a willingness to trudge.― Bill Bryson, A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail
I live on five acres of Florida wetlands and woods, and indeed I do – or I once did – have a Florida panther here. I saw him walk right by my kitchen window one day when I was doing the dishes when we first moved in almost ten years ago.
Yesterday I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, what with the aggravating person giving me an outrageously hard time, and missing my husband very much more than usual, so I set out to Accomplish Things.
I made a list, enlisted the children, and we Goo Goned the Laffy Taffy that was sticking the couch together until the maid incomprehensively tore it apart and broke it. I got down on the floor and figured out how to put it back together again even without the broken parts. I fed the bugs, did the dishes, started the laundry, got up on the ladder, changed the air conditioning filters fifteen feet up in the air, analyzed the car seat until I could get it out and replace with a booster seat so the newly minted seven year old wouldn’t feel like a baby anymore, and vacuumed and windexed out my car.
When I was done, I took a walk in my woods.
Can’t remember the last time I did it, just went outside and walked around, feeling the wind and investigating the creatures.
I’m not sure how well you can see it, but there is evidence of something large-ish digging up the yard. In the last photo there are two butterflies who came along for the trip. The “knee” of the tree is always an interesting place to look – you never know if you’ll find a tennis ball, a snake, a raccoon, a fire ant hill, or tiny mice having a party with teacups. Okay, no tiny mice, but it is so picturesque and filled with magic in my yard, it seems like it could be possible in that moment.
“Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.”- Robert Louis Stevenson
So maybe someday someone will find my book on a dusty shelf in the back of the used bookstore. If there even are used bookstores by then.
Or maybe I will never write it because it’s not meant to be.
But the main thing is that I keep looking for – and finding – my next step on the path to fruition of purpose, and that you do, too. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you can and cannot do – they are just instigators in the story of your life, pushing you forward. It’s your fault if you allow them or any fear to hold you back.
This week my son made the newspaper, for his writing. You might think nothing of this, but I know that a mountain was climbed to get to this place. A couple of years ago, I had teachers and a principal telling me that he might be brilliant, but he was so learning disabled that he would NEVER be able to write a simple, one-page essay.
So we put him in a school designed to help with learning disabilities, and they said he should never have come there, he didn’t belong. But his previous school had messed him up so badly that they would keep him anyway and see what they could do.
The first school had him in “gifted” classes and they loved to use him as an example when it was to their benefit, like including him in their “word counts” for reading, which won them prizes. But I sat in meetings where the teacher cried and the principal pulled out hand drawn charts, trying to explain to me the hopelessness of the situation.
A “regular education” teacher taught my son to write, and in four months he was winning awards and being put up for scholarships.
Can’t be done? My ass.
But you will find people who tell you that you cannot do it, won’t you?
And that really IS some bullshit.
I got a call from the school telling me that my son was in the Neighborhoods section of the newspaper, and that one of the assistants in the “special classroom” from last year had framed it for him.
I got a text from the Advocate who fought next to me for a couple of years, trying to get the school to get my kid in the right place. She sent a photo of the clipping and said,”That’s my boy!”
I wrote her back to tell her not to let anyone ever tell her that she didn’t change children’s lives and help miracles to happen. She wouldn’t take the credit, of course. But if it hadn’t been for her, my son could never have gotten off the starting blocks and begun.
Make sure you begin.
At times, you become almost certain that you slabbed this hillside three days ago, crossed this stream yesterday, clambered over this fallen tree at least twice today already. But most of the time you don’t think. No point. Instead, you exist in a kind of mobile Zen mode, your brain like a balloon tethered with string, accompanying but not actually part of the body below. Walking for hours and miles becomes as automatic, as unremarkable, as breathing. At the end of the day you don’t think, “Hey, I did sixteen miles today,” any more than you think, “Hey, I took eight-thousand breaths today.” It’s just what you do.” – Bill Bryson
You are a unique embodiment of something wonderful that’s meant to roam this Earth and birth your beauty for others to enjoy and marvel at – so go do it.
When you sit down with your basket of consequences, make sure it is a banquet that you are overjoyed to eat.