Energize Or Get Out Of My Way

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Erin Pavlina did me a huge favor this week when she posted her article about whether psychics can see your deep, dark secrets.

That was a synchronicity if ever I saw one, because there was a man in my life who felt inadequate next to me because I am intuitive.  I told him he was not inadequate, he was stuck, and sent him the article.

Really, by definition, I am also a psychic, but I hate that term because people think “charlatan” when they see it.  All “psychic” means is “able to see into the psyche” – and we do that empathically.

The way she described it was exactly the way I see and approach it – we do not go looking for your information, because that would be unethical, and moreover, it is depleting and exhausting to be “open” to everyone around us all of the time.

To survive, we have to shut it down, otherwise we do not know “what is yours and what is ours” when it comes to feelings.  Even when we have a ton of experience feeling into this and discerning what is ours, it can be very hard to understand, be certain, and separate.

If you ever wanted confirmation that “all are one”, ask an empath.  I tell the men that it is like being Deanna Troi on Star Trek, they usually get that reference.

In dating, at some point it becomes obvious that I know things or come out with things that I “should” not know, if I were a standard human being with their intuition shut down.  I can try to hide it and appear normal all I want, but it only goes so far.

What they don’t understand is that they (unconsciously, or through higher self) want me to know, or their guides are trying to get through to them…whatever it is, it comes from them, through me, back to them in their “small self” version (the human who is not connecting intuitively).

“Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged. Missing me one place, search another. I stop somewhere waiting for you.” – Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

I have met a variety of men at this point, and my God do they operate at different levels.  I sometimes feel like all I do is say “no” all day long.  I may not always know when it might be right, but I sure as hell know when it is wrong.

I keep trying to tell some of them “I am not right for you” knowing full well they could never understand who or what I am, from where they stand right now.  I would be unfathomable.  An alien.

Others stand side by side with me, in the same energetic flow and they give me hope and make me smile.

If you’re going to do it at all, do it right.  Find others who can see you as you stand, and vice versa.  Find the ones who light you up, turn you on, and have the open mind that thinks like you think and wants what you want. This applies to all of your relationships, friends too.

I have a virtual posse of strong men friends who stand by my side.  I’ve come to discover that I am a “type” and I like a “type” and when I look at who is in my life as my strongest supporters, the great majority are uniquely themselves, could take out any enemy by words, strong arming, or weapon, and are amazingly grounded and steady, kind of like giant trees I can lean against or cling onto in a strong windstorm.  Since I am the water, perhaps a more apt way to put it is that I flow around them.

I said to one of my men friends, one of these days I am going to find one who is as good as my men friends, but he has not come by…as yet.  He said a simple,”Yes you will,” while he was laughing at me.  What he doesn’t know is how much he is like my other friends, and that they all tell me the exact same thing in the exact same way, although some list my attributes, as in “yes you will, because…”

One doesn’t understand the intuition part per se, but he accepts it neutrally…and that is a beautiful thing:

Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning
and I find myself careening in places where I should not let me go.
She has the power to go where no one else can find me and to silently remind me
of the happiness and the good times that I know, and then I just got to go then.

It isn’t what she’s got to say but how she thinks and where she’s been.
To me, the words are nice, the way they sound.
I like to hear them best that way, it doesn’t much matter what they mean.
she says them mostly just to calm me down

And I feel fine anytime she’s around me now, she’s around me now almost about all the time.
And if I’m well you can tell she’s been with me now.
She’s been with me now quite a long, long time and I feel fine. – James Taylor, Something In The Way She Moves

Energize Or Get Out Of My Way

I would rather go without, than go with one who depletes me rather than energizes me.  If I can support and offer love at a time of transition, between worlds, when the old is going and the new hasn’t quite come into being yet, then that is my pleasure and my place.  That is just what I do.

Unfortunately men often refuse to take no for an answer, and the sheer level of pestering me made me clear the slate once again this week.  I had to do a sweep and simply, definitively, say no.  I ran right into the first guy I dated after the separation.  There was another who came looking for me.

I could honestly not have been more surprised.  I asked him why and he said he was just checking to see how I had been.  I did not believe him.  It did not make sense or ring true.

I asked him straight out, why did you come back?  He kept up the party line.  Until he didn’t.  Then everything came tumbling out of the closet.

A Little Finesse

Sometimes it is all I can do not to be blunt and say what I really think.  You know I have little finesse in these things.  When I see truth I just say it.

Except lately, what I find is this very strong sense that we come together now to be each other’s partners and support in mid-life transition, after we have all been through hell, and some of us are still living there.

Colette Baron-Reid said “we are all leaving the familiar for Uncharted waters, neither remaining rooted in the past nor having discovered the new lands.  This is where we need to hold hands and be kind and show compassion to our fellow travelers.  When we see lack we need to share.  The journey is discovering magic.  The way is to leave the old paradigm behind and embrace the new.  It is just beginning.”

It is, and it requires one hell of a lot of courage, which fortunately we have, in spades.  We have all made it through many dark nights and lived to tell the tale.

Some are more in the in-between, and others have decided to stay where they are because they feel they have to, but they need some relief.  Sometimes I am the relief.  The trick for some is, they have to accept it as a gift, rather than reject it out of fear.  They expect the world to keep looking like and working like it always has, but it does not.  Showing them that is not an overnight process.  Some already know, and then I can just step right into relating to them – and that feels the best of all.

With others, I can see the mistakes being made, and it kills me to sit down and shut up.  Yet I often do that now.  But sometimes I do not.  I was shouting at one last night,”You are so stubborn!  You are such a frustrating person!”

You can show by example, putting a situation in relief by suggesting how it should be.  They can form their own conclusions as to how it is not working for them, which hopefully makes them start thinking about what would work, and consider letting go of what does not truly belong in their lives.  Up to them, always.

It’s not like I know everything, anyway…I just know some things.  I learn from them all of the time, too.

My last husband is getting remarried today, just six weeks after we divorced…whatever their contract, good luck to them.  I mean that.  They will need it.

I am sure I should feel something about this.  What came to mind was The Godfather, the one about the day of his daughter’s wedding, when Luca Brasi says, “I hope that their first child be a masculine child.”  If it turns out to be a girl, I do not accept responsibility for that.  A bit of an inside joke, but I mean it.

We go on along the path, seeking what we seek, and sometimes falling into alignment and finding.

This is why it is so important to be crystal clear about how you want to feel when you finally fall into it.

It may not look exactly like you thought it would, be what you expected exactly, or even who.  But you will have teachers and mentors and friends and lovers and partners along the way.  Some will find you on the path and start walking by your side and never leave you, at least not energetically.  Love them as you wish to be loved.