Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. – Khalil Gibran
These past two weeks have been like a hailstorm when the hail is the size of a basketball. Oddly enough, I am completely calm.
At first, I wasn’t. Not at all.
Remember when I got the message be open to whatever comes next? I was seeing 555 everywhere, which to me means “watch out!” Well we had one major event that I thought was “it.” Then we had someone show us their true colors. Finally, within seven days of the “biggie”, we had another major event!
This is not small potatoes, this is major upheaval.
Those are my sad little feet on Saturday afternoon during a preschool graduation party.
Why so sad? They were having an excema outbreak due to a stress event, and cankles besides. You know, where suddenly your ankles swell up and you can’t see them anymore, leaving your legs looking somewhat like tree trunks.
My skin started acting like it was going to simply peel away in layers, possibly until they disappeared and I became footless.
Along with the excema came many sleepless nights, the kind where you wake up every five minutes.
As soon as I found out I had a problem, my MBA business self kicked in and automatically I began making plans, talking to people, and gathering information. I don’t lack in the “research and action” department.
Where I was lacking was in the spirituality department.
Spiritual Crisis AGAIN?
The last time I had a major crisis, a few years ago, was when I began my spiritual walk in earnest. It kind of snuck up on me. I didn’t go looking for it. It was just one of those events that precipitated a wake up call and learning to see life in a brand new way. Over time I learned a little more every day.
Going into this latest crisis, I already knew that the universe has my back, there was nothing to fear, and that if I was going to have emotions about something I needed to express them and work through it if I was to come out the other side learning what I needed to learn.
I also knew that things generally do happen for a purpose, and that what often looks like bad news is actually an opportunity to take care of things we may have not seen until now and move on to a better place. Sometimes bad news really is good news, and you can’t get to the good part any other way than moving through it one little step at a time.
There was one appointment I had to go to where I had to armor up before I walked in the door. I found myself in a position where I just had to ask for the greatest good to be upheld, because I knew I had potential to shoot my horn off. I wanted to be proud of the way I handled it, not come home with more things to roll around in my head at 1am, 2am and 4am. However, I also wanted to call out the responsible parties who let things go too far, so this kind of thing would never happen again.
In my head I had the full armory of facts.
In my bag I had the physical evidence to nail them to the cross.
In my heart I had a desire to resolve this in the best way possible for all of the parties involved.
Sometimes that means the people who haven’t gotten there yet, but will. Trailblazers exist for a reason.
In the meeting I said my peace, shot myself in the foot some, and tried to keep an open mind. I didn’t say anything I was sorry for.
When I left, when it was quite evident that I was screwed no matter what because the other side got quite inventive about getting around the law, leaving me with no real options, just pretend ones, I asked the person who went with me if I had sufficiently made my point, without getting up on the table and screaming.
She said she heard me loud and clear but that the other parties were so mired in their version of reality that she doubts they heard me.
A Ghost Made Me Cry
I finally got to the point where I was calm enough to do readings again. There was one mediumship reading that had been waiting over two weeks, which to me is appalling. Yet I had not had anyone knocking on my door (energetically speaking) to tell me to get on it, which is highly unusual.
When I met the spirit, whose wife had hired me to reach out to him, he told me that he had just been hanging around, waiting. I asked him if he’d been speaking with the Indian Ghost and he said,”Naw.” I thanked him for his patience, and got the details for his wife from him. He gave me a Beatles song. Toward the end he said something specific to me that I thought referred to his own family in Australia. Then I realized that he meant it for me. He saw everything that was causing me stress and he was telling me he saw it. He told me it was okay, he completely understood why I needed to delay trying to reach out to communicate with him until I had my own head on straight and had gotten through enough of the emotions to move on again. That was the end of the reading – he just wanted to throw that in to show me that I am not alone.
I guess you haven’t lived until a disincarnate entity has made you cry!
The Universe Has Your Back, But Can You Believe It During Crisis?
The moral of the story is that no matter how upset, fearful, conflicted or alone we may feel sometimes when something serious happens, we have to do our best to remember what we know. Besides your friends and family, the universe does have your back. You do have a spiritual team with you that is supporting you and will help you sort it out when everything seems murky.
We do not get to live a fairytale existence where everything goes smoothly just because we are on a spiritual path. If you’re still here, you have work to do and lessons to learn. Sometimes you’ll get wrapped up in other people’s crises and you’re the one who has to carry the ball. It’s part of what you are doing here, and everything does work to the good, one way or another.
The other thing to remember is that when you find yourself enmeshed in something not to your liking, reach out to those around you even when you’d rather go hide in a hole or sit in the back of the closet or visit the bar or wherever you go when you want to stop the world because you want to get off. Look at every single person who is thrown in your path, whether you consider them friends or not, and recall that there is a reason that each of them is there. If I told you the stories of the people who came up to me these last two weeks and told me their life story, or who threw out a comment and started a conversation that was completely relevant to the topic at hand, seemingly out of nowhere, you just would have a hard time believing me.
Your support system is there, whether you can see it or not.
Spiritual Messages Through Song, Once Again
By the time the third event hit (it’s a toss up as to which event wins the award for being the biggest apparent problem), I found myself rising above the fray. I sat in my car thinking about how absolutely nonsensical and unbelievable this was, and when I turned on the radio the song was Let It Be by The Beatles.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
What Wants To Happen Next?
When I came home I turned on one of Robert Ohotto’s old shows from 2011 to listen to while I did some work. It fairly leapt off the page at me. The title was You want change? Can you tolerate the discomfort of transformation? He said (paraphrasing here) that the organic nature of destiny is such that when the change occurs, something wants to die. You can’t be you in transformed circumstances, and stay exactly the same. There’s a part of you that has to die so the newer part can be born. When that happens, or as it happens, we may flail about looking for the “old me” that used to live here but is gone. Maybe that version of you seemed happier or more carefree? The thing to do then is to feel the anxiety and fear and sit with it. Just let it be. Don’t turn to food, prescription drugs, alcohol or whatever you might typically use to numb the pain…just allow yourself to be with it.
Finally, ask yourself,”What wants to happen next?”
That certainly opens up the floor, doesn’t it?